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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Incident in park- feel disgusting

204 replies

NutmegOrCinnamon · 20/07/2023 12:05

feel a bit stupid even being upset by this but I am. Long term poster btw but I’ve NC for this.

Earlier this week I was walking my dog through a local public park. The park consists of a huge area of woods but also more public/busy areas like the kids play park etc. I was walking my dog through the first bit to get into the park which is basically a big giant grassy field and there were lots of dogs playing off the lead. 2 dogs came running up to her and wouldn’t leave her alone. There was a big group of neddy guys I’d guess aged 30-40 sitting on the grass drinking around 30 feet from me. 2 of them came running over to collect their dogs and apologise to me for their dogs being annoying, I was like no worries etc. one of them then turned round and started saying can I get your number ? Do you walk round these woods yourself and fancy a walking partner ? And his pal burst out laughing at it. I just completely ignored him and walked on with my dog. But as I walked past the big group of guys (I had to to get into the park/woods) they all started shouting stuff at me, it was clear they were all drunk and trying to one up each other with the worst thing they could say but it felt absolutely horrible to listen to. It started with oi can my friend get your number? Where do you live hunny? Then quickly became things like shouting comments about my body, and asking obscene questions like how many fingers can you fit in? Have you ever tried an*l?? Want to come to my house and we’ll all have great fun?? Each comment got a fit of laughs from the others. I also heard them taking loudly to each other about me - for example, one of them was like if we tied her up we could all take it in turns. And again they all roared with laughter at this

usually I’d be quick enough to shout back at them to fuck off but for some reason I didn’t, I just completely froze and choked up and couldn’t say anything. It was like I was in a trance, I could hear them but I remember thinking I’m just walking my dog and ignoring them, keep walking, keep walking etc. one of their dogs then ran up to my dog again and one of the guys ran up to bring it back and again started trying to get my Snapchat and started saying things about my body, I wasn’t really listening because honestly it was as if my dog and I were in a trance and we kept walking and which seemed to annoy him more and eventually he left.

eventually they left me alone. I went into the park and took the first side exit out because I wanted to go home. There were other people walking about but only 2 people walked past me and the guys and they just kept walking. I know they were just neds and it was them just being drunk idiots and trying to be funny to each other but I felt so disgusting and embarrassed. I was just out walking my dog at 3 in the afternoon in a busy public place at 24 years old.

sorry for the rant, I don’t know why this has upset me so much because nothing actually happened but I feel horrible about it and don’t want to go back to the park, even though they probably won’t be there again. I’m also so annoyed at myself for not standing up for myself and telling them to fuck off but it was so weird, I honestly felt like I was hypnotised just to keep walking and ignore them

Has anyone got any advice on how I can get over it and stop feeling so rubbish about it all? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 01/09/2023 17:35

Police!!!! Now please, call them

CustardySergeant · 01/09/2023 17:37

Joystir59 · 01/09/2023 17:35

Police!!!! Now please, call them

Since it happened in July, it's a bit late for that.

Gh12345 · 01/09/2023 17:54

I feel like men need to read this post. How awful

Fruby · 01/09/2023 18:32

So sorry this happened to you, and yes I do think it worth reporting to the police.

They are complete bullies, and it happens all too often.

Once it happened to me, outside my city centre flat, there was a sporting event on and a huge group of about 25 guys congregated on my street started saying very similar things as you mentioned.

Usually I would be so intimidated id just go bright red and run away as quick as possible, but on this day I somehow had a surge of rage and shouted WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GIVING A LONE WOMAN SEXIST ABUSE ON HER OWN DOORSTEP. TAKE YOUR DISGUSTING, INTIMIDATING BEHAVIOUR AWAY BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE.

The reaction I got from them really surprised me, they backed down right away and kept saying ‘so sorry love we were just trying to have a laugh’. Anyway, I had gone into my block of flats shaking and shocked that I’d actually stood up for myself.

What I took from that experience is that within these big packs of horrible men, there are probably usually only a few truly nasty evil bullies, and then a load of other idiots just going along with it who would be ashamed if ever pulled up on it.

We need to de normalise this type of behaviour within male social groups. If we can teach kids m from a young that truly courageous men are the ones who stand up to sexist bullies, not follow along with vile behaviour then hopefully we can stop this type of abuse being commonplace in society.

so so sorry you had such a scary experience.

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