Incident in park- feel disgusting

[NutmegOrCinnamon]

feel a bit stupid even being upset by this but I am. Long term poster btw but I’ve NC for this.

Earlier this week I was walking my dog through a local public park. The park consists of a huge area of woods but also more public/busy areas like the kids play park etc. I was walking my dog through the first bit to get into the park which is basically a big giant grassy field and there were lots of dogs playing off the lead. 2 dogs came running up to her and wouldn’t leave her alone. There was a big group of neddy guys I’d guess aged 30-40 sitting on the grass drinking around 30 feet from me. 2 of them came running over to collect their dogs and apologise to me for their dogs being annoying, I was like no worries etc. one of them then turned round and started saying can I get your number ? Do you walk round these woods yourself and fancy a walking partner ? And his pal burst out laughing at it. I just completely ignored him and walked on with my dog. But as I walked past the big group of guys (I had to to get into the park/woods) they all started shouting stuff at me, it was clear they were all drunk and trying to one up each other with the worst thing they could say but it felt absolutely horrible to listen to. It started with oi can my friend get your number? Where do you live hunny? Then quickly became things like shouting comments about my body, and asking obscene questions like how many fingers can you fit in? Have you ever tried an*l?? Want to come to my house and we’ll all have great fun?? Each comment got a fit of laughs from the others. I also heard them taking loudly to each other about me - for example, one of them was like if we tied her up we could all take it in turns. And again they all roared with laughter at this

usually I’d be quick enough to shout back at them to fuck off but for some reason I didn’t, I just completely froze and choked up and couldn’t say anything. It was like I was in a trance, I could hear them but I remember thinking I’m just walking my dog and ignoring them, keep walking, keep walking etc. one of their dogs then ran up to my dog again and one of the guys ran up to bring it back and again started trying to get my Snapchat and started saying things about my body, I wasn’t really listening because honestly it was as if my dog and I were in a trance and we kept walking and which seemed to annoy him more and eventually he left.

eventually they left me alone. I went into the park and took the first side exit out because I wanted to go home. There were other people walking about but only 2 people walked past me and the guys and they just kept walking. I know they were just neds and it was them just being drunk idiots and trying to be funny to each other but I felt so disgusting and embarrassed. I was just out walking my dog at 3 in the afternoon in a busy public place at 24 years old.

sorry for the rant, I don’t know why this has upset me so much because nothing actually happened but I feel horrible about it and don’t want to go back to the park, even though they probably won’t be there again. I’m also so annoyed at myself for not standing up for myself and telling them to fuck off but it was so weird, I honestly felt like I was hypnotised just to keep walking and ignore them

Has anyone got any advice on how I can get over it and stop feeling so rubbish about it all? Thanks in advance.

That is absolutely horrendous behaviour on their part!!!!
Well done you, for getting away safely with your dog, remember you didn't do anything wrong. How dare they threaten and harass you!!
Please if you are able to report to the police they may have access to cctv if at park gates and at the very least it is information should it happen to anyone else.
Also to the LA if they own/manage the park, I don't know where you are based but their are neighbourhood and park wardens near where I am, they may be able to increase patrols, put notices out.
I would be tempted to email your local MP and inform them too.

Take good care of yourself, sending a virtual gentle hug

That's awful OP. Agree with others report to the police.

That is really awful. I agree that if you feel able you could consider reporting the incident to the police on the non-emergency number. If there are enough reports then something might eventually get done.

Don't be too hard on yourself as your body reacted entirely naturally. I hope you have someone to care for you as you might be in shock.

I want to add to what some PP are saying.

THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You were walking your dog in a public place. Hell, you were even polite to them when their dog ran over to you!

You feel disgusting because something traumatic happened to you. Not because you've done anything wrong. This experience reflects nothing on you, and everything on them.

You are exactly the same whole, beautiful, complete and valuable person you have always been.

Once walking home around 8pm, busy road. I was extremely scared by a man's behaviour to the point I stopped at a care home and asked to use their phone fir DH to come and get me. It was purely his behaviour, no threats or touches . I called the police when i got home and got it logged. Because I had been threatened there was nothing they could do but I wanted it logged incase something happened to someone else after.
Please phone the police, oh and well done for keeping yourself safe x

*hadn't been threatened

Scumbags. You were in survival mode, don’t blame yourself. Read The Gift of Fear - your instincts were protecting you.

Hey, OP. Listen to everyone here: that's so awful, totally unacceptable and needs to be reported.

By your use of 'neddy' I imagine you're in Scotland. It doesn't happen to be Pollok Country Park does it? If you share your location one of us might be nearby and could meet you for a few dog walks? You shouldn't be made to feel that you can't use your local park- it's disgusting.

You need to report it. Please do. I have been verbally harassed whilst running more than once and the police do take it seriously, even if it goes down on their crime figures. I also had someone try to grab me from a van whilst driving past.

For women and girls everywhere please let them know. In fact for humanity report it. You can do it online.

You didn't say anything because your gut was telling you not to and keeping you safe. Imo you did the right thing saying nothing and walking by.
I'm sorry that happened to you. No one should be made to feel like that / be spoken to like that. You are right to feel disgusted by it.

And men wonder why we hate them… well done OP for getting away from these versions. The trouble is behaviour like this has been almost normalised and women blamed . I think this should be treated like terrorism, and can only hope they will be stopped soon. We know it is difficult to report these incidents but if you do it might just help. Never your fault.

That's so awful, it sounds absolutely terrifying, rape threats from pathetic losers while walking your dog. They sound like sad desperate porn addicts.
Uggh.
You did the right thing.
I don't blame you for being upset, but I hope you realise you handled the situation very well and got yourself out safely and that is not a small achievement.

Oh my goodness. This is absolutely horrendous. You were basically on your own and you were threatened and intimidated by a large number of men.

The trance was you just in survival mode to get out of there. You did absolutely the right thing by surviving and getting out of there. That was your priority not shouting back.

You did utterly nothing wrong. You didn't cause it, you didn't invite it.
Their behaviour was completely unacceptable. It was threatening and frightening and I would have been beyond petrified if that had happened to me.

Definately report it to the police.

I remember many years ago when I was a similar age to yourself I got off a train at a main train station in a city. It was about 10.30 and night and all of a sudden the place was deserted. You had to go up stairs to get out into the street and a man blocked me on the stairs and wouldn't let me past. He was being a bit arsy/jokey but I honestly think he was contemplating dragging me back down to the now dark and deserted platform and raping me. When he finally let me past I ran all the way to the main street and got a taxi home. I was literally shaking and hyperventilating. I never got taxis in those days but I couldn't have waited at a bus stop in case he followed me. I never again got a train myself late at night and I can still to this day (30 years later) feel the fear that I felt that night.

Fuck these men. You survived. You will be okay just give it a few weeks.
You won't forget though. In future just go to place with lots of other women or couples of families about. Crazy that you have to but yes , you have to.

So sorry for what happened to you. Today after you have reported, get a blanket, get a hot drink, what something really soothing on tv. The horror will fade in time. Massive hugs to you. You have not overreacted at all!

PS Are there any facebook groups locally?

You could post anonymously that you were badly harrassed and threatened with rape by a group of men drinking in that place and for other women to be aware of the dangers of potential gang rapists in the local park. And that police have been informed.

Maybe they will see it and realise it's not funny for women and that they are not edgy but rapey creeps.

Whatever you did at that time was a wise course of action because you made it out physically unharmed, so don't feel bad about your own behaviour.

It's up to you whether you go to the police or not. On the one hand, they probably won't do anything. On the other hand, your report is a jigsaw piece in the puzzle for the prosecution case when these arseholes eventually escalate to rape.

And people wonder why I distrust men.

You can’t stamp up for yourself against an huge group of dangerous men.

I bet you anything they all have a problem with the ‘me too’ movement. ‘I don’t know any men who would do XYZ to a woman’. Yeah, sure you don’t!

This is men. This is why we don’t bloody want them pretending to be women!

The trance-like state may have been something called a "dissociative episode". It's a well-known coping strategy that your mind will use under stress. Basically "you" get tucked into a corner safely whilst a different part of your mind takes over to get you through the stressful ordeal. You feel like what's happening is happening to someone else and you are watching through a GoPro they are wearing.

You aren't overreacting: gang rape is a weapon of war and these men threatened you with that.

Hi OP. I found your post so upsetting. Just walking your fucking dog and you had to suffer this kind of abuse. It makes me so fucking angry.

I also note people saying 'do this' or 'do that'.

Doesn't fucking work like that when your flight or fight kicks in.

Definitely report to the police. Fucking cocks.

Absolutely report it to the police, did you hear any of their names mentioned? Dogs names? Get it all
on file so that there is a pattern logged. No doubt you are one of many many women falling victim to this bunch of wankers. Report everything, no matter how small. One day, someone might be brave enough to report their rape, and it’d be a lot harder for men to wriggle out of their convictions if they had a string of this kind of behaviour on their record.

Not read whole thread but just wanted to say they were sexually verbally intimidating and abusing you. Their words were about making you feel dehumanized, vulnerable, small, defenseless and degraded. There was nothing trivial and harmless about what they did.

You did well to go into survival mode and blank them until you got to safety.

I would second this. We have a similar sounding local park which has a Facebook page ‘friends of the park’ sort of thing, we also have the wonderful Fubar News site, and you can log with such sites, as an anonymous poster , to alert others.

So sorry you experienced this. A lovely walk with your dog should be an innocent calming experience . This is just vile.

Sounds horrific, like others have said. This was harassment and it needs to be reported.

That’s awful. You did the right thing in keeping calm and getting away.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You did exactly the right thing getting out of there. I reiterate what other posters said about reporting it.

If you feel able to then may I suggest that you report them. Being drunk is no excuse, in fact alcohol just disinhibits people and their true nature shows up more quickly. Being intoxicated is never a defence in law. I am so sorry that you went through such a horrendous experience, I am not surprised at your reaction. It makes me so angry that women can't just go about their lives without there always being the chance of harassment and worse from men.