Incident in park- feel disgusting

[NutmegOrCinnamon]

feel a bit stupid even being upset by this but I am. Long term poster btw but I’ve NC for this.

Earlier this week I was walking my dog through a local public park. The park consists of a huge area of woods but also more public/busy areas like the kids play park etc. I was walking my dog through the first bit to get into the park which is basically a big giant grassy field and there were lots of dogs playing off the lead. 2 dogs came running up to her and wouldn’t leave her alone. There was a big group of neddy guys I’d guess aged 30-40 sitting on the grass drinking around 30 feet from me. 2 of them came running over to collect their dogs and apologise to me for their dogs being annoying, I was like no worries etc. one of them then turned round and started saying can I get your number ? Do you walk round these woods yourself and fancy a walking partner ? And his pal burst out laughing at it. I just completely ignored him and walked on with my dog. But as I walked past the big group of guys (I had to to get into the park/woods) they all started shouting stuff at me, it was clear they were all drunk and trying to one up each other with the worst thing they could say but it felt absolutely horrible to listen to. It started with oi can my friend get your number? Where do you live hunny? Then quickly became things like shouting comments about my body, and asking obscene questions like how many fingers can you fit in? Have you ever tried an*l?? Want to come to my house and we’ll all have great fun?? Each comment got a fit of laughs from the others. I also heard them taking loudly to each other about me - for example, one of them was like if we tied her up we could all take it in turns. And again they all roared with laughter at this

usually I’d be quick enough to shout back at them to fuck off but for some reason I didn’t, I just completely froze and choked up and couldn’t say anything. It was like I was in a trance, I could hear them but I remember thinking I’m just walking my dog and ignoring them, keep walking, keep walking etc. one of their dogs then ran up to my dog again and one of the guys ran up to bring it back and again started trying to get my Snapchat and started saying things about my body, I wasn’t really listening because honestly it was as if my dog and I were in a trance and we kept walking and which seemed to annoy him more and eventually he left.

eventually they left me alone. I went into the park and took the first side exit out because I wanted to go home. There were other people walking about but only 2 people walked past me and the guys and they just kept walking. I know they were just neds and it was them just being drunk idiots and trying to be funny to each other but I felt so disgusting and embarrassed. I was just out walking my dog at 3 in the afternoon in a busy public place at 24 years old.

sorry for the rant, I don’t know why this has upset me so much because nothing actually happened but I feel horrible about it and don’t want to go back to the park, even though they probably won’t be there again. I’m also so annoyed at myself for not standing up for myself and telling them to fuck off but it was so weird, I honestly felt like I was hypnotised just to keep walking and ignore them

Has anyone got any advice on how I can get over it and stop feeling so rubbish about it all? Thanks in advance.

You were absolutely right not to respond to them. Your body did the right thing to keep you safe. That sounds absolutely terrifying. You need to report it to the police so that they are aware. They were not being funny, it's not banter, they were being disgusting and threatening and egging each other on. I would be left with a really bad feeling after that which would be hard to shake off. I'm not surprised you are so upset.

You did the right thing by ignoring them and walking away. I'm so sorry that you were subject to that kind of mass harassment and abuse from those pathetic men. I would report to the police on their non-emergency number if you feel up to it. You could even report it online, sometimes local police forces have specific reporting tools for antisocial behaviour, or harassment or similar.

It sounds like your body’s natural fear response kicked in to protect you. Your brain is amazing at knowing what it needs to do to keep you safe in any number of situations. You did the right thing allowing your brain to take over, put you in your trance like state and ignore them.

Do report them though as that’s not normal what they’re saying and doing. With a little encouragement you don’t know if they’d follow through on their threats next time.

The best thing to do in cases like these are to learn the BSL for 'I am deaf. Can you sign?'

If you stand and sign this to them with a straight enquiring face it will shut them down entirely as it is clear to them that their disgusting behaviour has been a waste of time and when hurting your feelings is their goal, this is a kick in the nuts to them.

That is horrific. How dare they. You did the right thing by ignoring them and getting away. If you’d shouted back at them I wouldn’t have been surprised if they got physical to ‘put you in your place’. If you feel able to, please report this to the police. They probably congregate there frequently and no one should be subjected to this abuse.

Def log with Police. Awful and you were right not to engage.

Report, the police are now expected to take this seriously, because it is serious. These men are a public nuisance. I doubt you are the only victim.

Please report them.

They were talking about kidnapping and raping you.

Yes, report it. The police will be useless, of course, as they always are when it comes to anti-social behaviour, but at least it will be logged. People like that are ruining the lives of their neighbours at this very moment.

That wasn't just laddish banter. A group of men asking a lone woman (who they don't know and who isn't laughing or playing along) how many fingers she can get inside her isn't banter. It's vile abuse. They're just ignorant vermin who don't belong in a civilized society.

Agree report but expect police to be useless. Women need to make a fuss nonetheless about this type of behaviour. It can and does escalate and it needs sorting out.

Report it, it was threatening and intimidating behaviour. They may have done it to other women and it may help build up a picture and result in extra patrols of the area if there is an on-going issue.

Freezing is a protective mechanism. It keeps you safe when you're outnumbered by avoiding further antagonising. There's no need to punish yourself with guilt for a feeeze reaction.

That is awful, OP. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That would shake anyone up. Hug

Report to police. If they are intimidating you, they will be doing it to others as well

That's absolutely disgusting and, in my opinion, criminal. Sexually harassing a lone young woman as a big group of men, to that degree of explicitness?? That's beyond just the usual vile catcalling we women are used to (and even that's bad enough). I second a report to the police. Even though it sadly probably won't get them charged immediately, it can go towards an awareness that there is a group of antisocial and aggressive males in that area, which might help in any future incidents. And, of course, they might actually see some repercussions for their actions, who knows.

I'm really sorry you went through this, OP. Don't beat yourself up for not shouting back. As women, it's not up to us to "prove ourselves" as the stereotype of a strong, unbothered woman in these situations. Why the hell should we? You did what your body and mind instinctively told you to do, to protect yourself - kept quiet and got away from the dangerous situation. You did absolutely fine, and really well to keep yourself safe and get away from the disgusting bastards.

They sound absolutely vile. You definitely did the right thing in ignoring them, giving them a reaction would have just fuelled their repulsiveness. I've no doubt whatsoever they wouldn't have uttered a word had they each been alone.

I definitely agree with other posters about reporting it to the police, at the very least it's harassment. They need to be dealt with.

Im sorry they were talking about gang rape. Sometimes things like that start like a joke and then develop into actual crime. Im so sorry OP, its not just neds and just joking, I would have felt very unsafe. I would have left the park, or asked other people who you met to accompany you.

Next time do not just carry on walking into the woods by yourself and with a dog if you are being subjected to such threatening behaviour, and call the police.

and report it to the police now.

This is bang on. Each of those men individually wouldn't say shit. They do it because our culture supports and encourages men to be vile pigs and they get their kicks from making each other laugh.

That was really extreme stuff.

We've all experienced alot of men commenting/ shouting at us over the years, but this is a whole other level.

You must have been terrified.

Agree, police. So sorry.

Btw, from how you described it, I really think that if you had responded in any way the whole situation would have escalated.

That is disgusting. I felt sick just reading it so I can't imagine how you felt. Don't make excuses for them being "jjust" drunk idiots, it was sexual harassment

Your survival instincts kicked in and you got away from a group of drunk and threatening men as quickly as you could. Don’t overthink that part.

Please do deity them to the police, though. Their behaviour is extremely concerning.

Im so sorry you had to experience this .

You froze because they sexually harassed you and then threatened to sexually assault you. That is petrifying, I would freeze too. The disgusting feeling is what happens to victims, sadly. The shame all is on them, the sad old fucks.

Look after yourself, you would be completely valid in seeking a good listening ear from either a voluntary organisation or a therapist for this hugely traumatic experience . You are solid, they are dysfunctional and pathetic.

You did completely the right thing not responding and just getting away. Hideous bastards, all brave in a group.

You poor thing op that's horrible! I would report to the police as well, assault can be defined as putting someone in fear of immediate violence and their behaviour and talk about raping you is absolutely doing this. You did the right thing by not engaging and getting out of their as fast as possible. Sending hugs

That was a horrific experience but your reaction is completely normal. It's happened to me too a couple of times and afterwards I haven't been able to understand why I didn't stand up for myself and instead just stood there in silence or just walked away with my head down.

Do you have any clue who these people are? Would they still be in college? It's worth reporting wether you know or can find out who they are or not. It's not completely unlikely they did the same to others that day who might have reported too.