Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Incident in park- feel disgusting

204 replies

NutmegOrCinnamon · 20/07/2023 12:05

feel a bit stupid even being upset by this but I am. Long term poster btw but I’ve NC for this.

Earlier this week I was walking my dog through a local public park. The park consists of a huge area of woods but also more public/busy areas like the kids play park etc. I was walking my dog through the first bit to get into the park which is basically a big giant grassy field and there were lots of dogs playing off the lead. 2 dogs came running up to her and wouldn’t leave her alone. There was a big group of neddy guys I’d guess aged 30-40 sitting on the grass drinking around 30 feet from me. 2 of them came running over to collect their dogs and apologise to me for their dogs being annoying, I was like no worries etc. one of them then turned round and started saying can I get your number ? Do you walk round these woods yourself and fancy a walking partner ? And his pal burst out laughing at it. I just completely ignored him and walked on with my dog. But as I walked past the big group of guys (I had to to get into the park/woods) they all started shouting stuff at me, it was clear they were all drunk and trying to one up each other with the worst thing they could say but it felt absolutely horrible to listen to. It started with oi can my friend get your number? Where do you live hunny? Then quickly became things like shouting comments about my body, and asking obscene questions like how many fingers can you fit in? Have you ever tried an*l?? Want to come to my house and we’ll all have great fun?? Each comment got a fit of laughs from the others. I also heard them taking loudly to each other about me - for example, one of them was like if we tied her up we could all take it in turns. And again they all roared with laughter at this

usually I’d be quick enough to shout back at them to fuck off but for some reason I didn’t, I just completely froze and choked up and couldn’t say anything. It was like I was in a trance, I could hear them but I remember thinking I’m just walking my dog and ignoring them, keep walking, keep walking etc. one of their dogs then ran up to my dog again and one of the guys ran up to bring it back and again started trying to get my Snapchat and started saying things about my body, I wasn’t really listening because honestly it was as if my dog and I were in a trance and we kept walking and which seemed to annoy him more and eventually he left.

eventually they left me alone. I went into the park and took the first side exit out because I wanted to go home. There were other people walking about but only 2 people walked past me and the guys and they just kept walking. I know they were just neds and it was them just being drunk idiots and trying to be funny to each other but I felt so disgusting and embarrassed. I was just out walking my dog at 3 in the afternoon in a busy public place at 24 years old.

sorry for the rant, I don’t know why this has upset me so much because nothing actually happened but I feel horrible about it and don’t want to go back to the park, even though they probably won’t be there again. I’m also so annoyed at myself for not standing up for myself and telling them to fuck off but it was so weird, I honestly felt like I was hypnotised just to keep walking and ignore them

Has anyone got any advice on how I can get over it and stop feeling so rubbish about it all? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
WildUnchartedWaters · 20/07/2023 17:12

skyfalldown · 20/07/2023 12:22

Bark at them. That's my tactic with cat-callers. Bark really loudly and aggressively like an angry dog. Usually throws them off long enough that you're able to get away.

And report to the police, doubt they'll do anything but worth a shot.

What 🤣🤣

Seriously though Op, yes report

I'm so sorry.

golddustwomen · 20/07/2023 17:13

Reason 101 why I fucking hate the majority of males. Vile bastards. You absolutely did the right thing by keeping quiet and walking your dog. God knows what could have happened if you told them to fuck off. Report the police 100%.

Papernotplastic · 20/07/2023 17:19

andthat · 20/07/2023 16:20

Dear god… what the hell has happened to humanity?

If my sons ever behaved even remotely like this I’d report them to the police myself.

I absolutely despair of this culture of misogyny that only seems to be escalating.

They’re someone’s son. Someone’s husband, partner, father. I’d bet that most of their families would deny that they were capable of this.

andthat · 20/07/2023 22:04

@Papernotplastic you’re absolutely right…but in that case, the idea that male friends and loved ones presenting as decent, respectful men that go on to behave in this utterly toxic way is absolutely depressing beyond belief.

Papernotplastic · 20/07/2023 23:33

It really is depressing. I think that you don’t really know a man until you’ve seen how he behaves in a group of male friends or when he thinks he’s unobserved.

gloriawasright · 21/07/2023 02:21

skyfalldown · 20/07/2023 12:22

Bark at them. That's my tactic with cat-callers. Bark really loudly and aggressively like an angry dog. Usually throws them off long enough that you're able to get away.

And report to the police, doubt they'll do anything but worth a shot.

What !
Nah barking at them wouldn't have helped the situation .
You did well op , you got home safe and sound .
This was a shocking incident that should be reported .
But for future reference ,
please don't bark .
Ffs barking?? I am struggling to know exactly what to say about this advice ,barking never got anyone anywhere ?

Misspiggy1012 · 21/07/2023 10:37

You were right don't bark or make eye contact with aholes just walk away don't run they may think it's funny to give chase just head down walk quickly and report it. You never know you might be saving something bad or worse happening to someone who is not as savvy as you and maybe would engage with them. Barking sounds like you would cop it tight they would think you were up for a bit of fun. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Be a bit more careful take a chain link chain for a dog the old fashioned choker type one. Wrap it around your hand incase you need it. I'm not saying that you should assault anyone just for protection when you are alone in a secluded area. Be careful. Or a travel can of hair spray. Man who can't see can't fight. Good luck 🍀 looking after your wee self and your wee dog. 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

skyfalldown · 21/07/2023 10:46

gloriawasright · 21/07/2023 02:21

What !
Nah barking at them wouldn't have helped the situation .
You did well op , you got home safe and sound .
This was a shocking incident that should be reported .
But for future reference ,
please don't bark .
Ffs barking?? I am struggling to know exactly what to say about this advice ,barking never got anyone anywhere ?

Admittedly it works better when it's just a single guy or a couple of them rather than a group

gloriawasright · 21/07/2023 10:55

I can see how it would work one one guy right enough.
Still not sure I would want to try it though .but if it works for you then fair play to you x

WildUnchartedWaters · 21/07/2023 12:42

skyfalldown · 21/07/2023 10:46

Admittedly it works better when it's just a single guy or a couple of them rather than a group

It wasnt funny the first time and its still not funny now.

skyfalldown · 21/07/2023 12:45

Wasn't trying to be

PurpleButterflyWings · 21/07/2023 12:49

@NutmegOrCinnamon are you OK? Flowers You haven't posted since your original post. Hope you are all right. 😘

Hufflemuff · 21/07/2023 13:01

That's awful. I can totally understand why you feel this way, but they are the ones who should feel ashamed.

If this ever happens again - I would call the police immediately and tell them about the threatening situation. Most forces have 1 or 2 cars lingering around 10 mins away from wherever you may be. Also 999 would have the background recording. If any of them approached you could say you were on phone to 999 and I am sure they would scarper immediately or at least stop yelling or pursing you.

I think you should go back to the park again with a friend, dont put it off forever or else it will fester in your brain.

AltheaVestr1t · 21/07/2023 13:10

Hi OP, how your feeling is completely normal and natural. You've been through a pretty traumatic incident where you were made to feel very unsafe, and that takes time to recover from. Take a few days out to look after yourself and perform some self care.

ValerieGoldberg · 21/07/2023 13:22

I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, you’ve every right to feel disgusted. I think you did the right thing by not engaging and getting the hell out of there as fast as possible. I think telling them to F off, tempting as it is, could have escalated things, you just never know, so as frustrating as it is that you wanted to tell them but couldn’t, that’s probably the best thing to have done.

What they did was harass you. I’m sure the law has recently been changed and that behaviour is illegal? I would definitely report it to the police. There could be other people who were harassed. If they are in a public space others may have seen and reported them. Even if the police can’t actually apprehend any of them, they might set up extra patrols in the area.

Honestly it is disgusting, intimidating behaviour and I would have felt exactly as you do about it x

Kendodd · 21/07/2023 13:30

I think it speaks absolutely volumes that misogyny was specifically excluded from the hate crime legislation and adding it was recently voted down again.

Women are meant to just laugh off this sort of 'harmless banter'.
I'm so angry for you OP

JMSA · 21/07/2023 15:49

An absolute shower of CUNTS. I feel so angry on your behalf and so sorry that this happened to you Flowers
I'm guessing by your language that you're Glasgow based. They are an absolute disgrace to all Glaswegians Angry

JMSA · 21/07/2023 15:51

skyfalldown · 20/07/2023 12:22

Bark at them. That's my tactic with cat-callers. Bark really loudly and aggressively like an angry dog. Usually throws them off long enough that you're able to get away.

And report to the police, doubt they'll do anything but worth a shot.

They'd have just ripped the piss at that, and made things worse.
Might work with a lone individual, but can you really imagine the mob mentality reaction? Confused

Craftysue · 01/09/2023 16:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Highlyflavouredgravy · 01/09/2023 17:03

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

You need to start a new thread

Craftysue · 01/09/2023 17:05

Sorry I'm new will remove

ArabeIIaScott · 01/09/2023 17:08

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma, and I'm sorry for your loss, but did you maybe mean to make a new thread instead of commenting on this one?

FWIW I expect this is stirring up lots of feelings for your DD, and while you can respect her feelings and help her to feel and work through them, you can't base your choices on her emotional response.

I guess there are alternatives to selling - let out the top floor, maybe? Let out your house and buy somewhere smaller? But I would lean to saying that it sounds to me like it's time to put yourself and your own needs first.

Think of a lasting memorial to your DH that your DD can take part in - planting a tree, perhaps? Spend some time going through old photo albums. Maybe some grief counselling or therapy.

Craftysue · 01/09/2023 17:09

Sorry I meant to start a new thread. I'm new and trying to remove this post now 😔

ArabeIIaScott · 01/09/2023 17:12

The quickest way is to 'report' your own post and MN will move it for you, Craftysue.

WonderingWanda · 01/09/2023 17:24

Disgusting behaviour and I can completely understand how you felt frozen, people often freeze in situations where they feel threatened (fight or flight) and now you aren't sure how to react. I hope now reading these comments you can find your anger rather than feeling embarrassed (you didn't do anything wrong) and you are able to report these scumbags to the police. I have no idea what Neds are but honestly cannot imagine any of my male friends or relatives ever behaving in such a revolting way towards a women. I also cannot believe other people witnessed this (if I read correctly you said a couple of people walked past) and didn't intervene, even if just to ask it you were ok or to walk with you. Sorry that this happened to you.