Incident in park- feel disgusting

[NutmegOrCinnamon]

feel a bit stupid even being upset by this but I am. Long term poster btw but I’ve NC for this.

Earlier this week I was walking my dog through a local public park. The park consists of a huge area of woods but also more public/busy areas like the kids play park etc. I was walking my dog through the first bit to get into the park which is basically a big giant grassy field and there were lots of dogs playing off the lead. 2 dogs came running up to her and wouldn’t leave her alone. There was a big group of neddy guys I’d guess aged 30-40 sitting on the grass drinking around 30 feet from me. 2 of them came running over to collect their dogs and apologise to me for their dogs being annoying, I was like no worries etc. one of them then turned round and started saying can I get your number ? Do you walk round these woods yourself and fancy a walking partner ? And his pal burst out laughing at it. I just completely ignored him and walked on with my dog. But as I walked past the big group of guys (I had to to get into the park/woods) they all started shouting stuff at me, it was clear they were all drunk and trying to one up each other with the worst thing they could say but it felt absolutely horrible to listen to. It started with oi can my friend get your number? Where do you live hunny? Then quickly became things like shouting comments about my body, and asking obscene questions like how many fingers can you fit in? Have you ever tried an*l?? Want to come to my house and we’ll all have great fun?? Each comment got a fit of laughs from the others. I also heard them taking loudly to each other about me - for example, one of them was like if we tied her up we could all take it in turns. And again they all roared with laughter at this

usually I’d be quick enough to shout back at them to fuck off but for some reason I didn’t, I just completely froze and choked up and couldn’t say anything. It was like I was in a trance, I could hear them but I remember thinking I’m just walking my dog and ignoring them, keep walking, keep walking etc. one of their dogs then ran up to my dog again and one of the guys ran up to bring it back and again started trying to get my Snapchat and started saying things about my body, I wasn’t really listening because honestly it was as if my dog and I were in a trance and we kept walking and which seemed to annoy him more and eventually he left.

eventually they left me alone. I went into the park and took the first side exit out because I wanted to go home. There were other people walking about but only 2 people walked past me and the guys and they just kept walking. I know they were just neds and it was them just being drunk idiots and trying to be funny to each other but I felt so disgusting and embarrassed. I was just out walking my dog at 3 in the afternoon in a busy public place at 24 years old.

sorry for the rant, I don’t know why this has upset me so much because nothing actually happened but I feel horrible about it and don’t want to go back to the park, even though they probably won’t be there again. I’m also so annoyed at myself for not standing up for myself and telling them to fuck off but it was so weird, I honestly felt like I was hypnotised just to keep walking and ignore them

Has anyone got any advice on how I can get over it and stop feeling so rubbish about it all? Thanks in advance.

Oh my god how absolutely terrifying. I'm so so sorry. I would definitely report it if you feel able. Your reaction was completely normal.

Please report this.
It's not banter, it's not joking. This isn't right and it IS serious. They were harassing a lone woman and talking about raping you. Your freezing response was from genuine fear, and a physiological response which in a circumstance like this, is known to happen.

It always escalates doesn't it? It goes from "you look nice" to "id finger you" to more and more obscene comments. In a pack, it eggs each other on go further, and like a pack of dogs all it would take is for one of them to escalate to the point of touching and the mob then is fully out of control.

Right now they've stopped short of touching, but the next woman or girl walking by might not be so lucky. If you can, please report them.

Please know you did the right thing, self preservation is paramount in these sort of situations.
I second logging with police, you may not have been the only one harassed and even if you were, you are entitled to walk your dog in peace, with being intimidated by a bunch of arseholes.
I once logged a flashing incident, not because I thought there was a realistic chance that he would be caught, more to flag it up in case it had happened to anyone else (occured in the early morning but near a school).
Please look after yourself, and be aware 'freezing' IE not responding is a natural reaction in these circumstances. You looked after yourself and kept you and your dog safe.
Please report it if/when you feel able 💐

I would suggest getting in touch with a local councillor for the area. Explain it as you being concerned about the safety of other women using that park in future, given what you just experienced.

The councillor may very well take it up with the police themselves, or join you in contacting the police, so there's more chance of something being done about it if it's not just you raising it as an issue.

Who suggested barking like a dog at them up thread? WTAF? For a start you'd look like a complete loon and they would have probably escalated the situation.
Get away and report to police is the way to go in this sort of situation.
Total pisshead scum, I doubt dfor one minute that their mothers would care about this, scum is usually bred from scum.

Its threat to rape and assault, of course you should report it

I would Also report for your own self esteem so later on down the line you are not filled with anger that they got away Scott free . You never know , they just might cross that line with someone else one day . I would imagine that this is a regular summer hangout for them .

I see we have a few men on here voting YABU. How disgusting to think that the OP has actually been unreasonable, to not want to be violated and verbally abused and threatened and terrified, while she was walking her fucking dog... Absolutely disgraceful behaviour from men of any age, but especially in their 30s and 40s... I am willing to bet a few of them have children. Fucking hell!

I hope they're proud of themselves!

And oh my God these men would have been raised in the 1980s and 1990s, not the dark ages when women were treated like shit all the time. WTF went wrong?!

@NutmegOrCinnamon You COULD report it to the police, but I fear it may be too late now. I am so sorry you went through this Sadly, I believe the vast VAST majority of women have been through something similar at some time in their life. Me included. Happened loads, from when I was around 14 to when I was in my late 30s. For that period of time, (20-23 years I would say,) it was a regular occurrence to be harassed and abused by men. From low level misogynism and coming on to me, to full on sexual harassment, and threats, and physical abuse.

I hope you're OK lovely. 😘

Ah I'm so sorry OP, that's awful and must be very difficult for you to process. It's horrible when you're so taken aback by something you don't react and it must have been scary for you since it was a whole group of them. Just know that the comments about you aren't personal, they're just awful humans and opportunists and would have done it to any lone woman.

please report this. Are the police likely to be able to do anything directly? It’s unlikely, BUT, they need to collect data on behaviour like this to know how they can better support the community. Our local plod did a project on tackling misogyny, and did scheduled drop ins and drive-bys with my ladies running group to tackle the verbal abuse we sometimes receive.

Yes yes I think it is a good idea actually, thinking about it, to tell the police. They may has cctv somewhere in the area. Can't do any harm...

This absolutely boils my blood. No wonder women dont feel safe.

Vile, disgusting creatures.

I hope their worthless 2-inch knobs rot off.

You could still report to police. They might send more bike patrols through the park and disperse such groups thus saving someone else from experiencing the same. You’ll feel better for the attempt at least, I would think.

I'm so sorry you went through this, OP, it must've been terrifying and as others have said, you will have been in 'survival' mode hence feeling like you were in a trance etc. Please if you can face it, report it, so it gets into the crime figures.

With the reference to neds, it sounds like you might be in Scotland and our wonderful(?) new hate crime laws don't include women/misogyny but the powers that be need to understand the extent of this problem for women.

You are upset because something did happen. You were subject to an awful verbal assault. I’m so sorry. We’re conditioned to be kind, socially polite, pleasant all our lives. And to somehow be responsible for the emotions and behaviours of others. Even being responsible for their behaviour towards ourselves. Agree with PPs that in this case, there was nothing else you could’ve done. Please don’t blame yourself. Try to refocus your emotions to be angry at those utter vile bastards.

I would definitely report to the police, they could escalate and another woman may not end up being as lucky and able to get away unharmed..

Flight/ freeze reaction. Out of your conscious control and a survival tactic. I've been in similar situations (although not with such a HUGE number of men) and you know what? I've fucking giggled and laughed. It's called fawning and another survival tactic ( and actually a trauma response due to experience of male violence). I can't control it either and it makes me want to vomit and turn myself inside out for days after.

So say well done to your body because it got you out of the situation. Now find your righteous rage at that disgusting group of men. How fucking dare they? And find your righteous rage at the state of our society that a 24 year old woman cannot immediately see this as the awful abuse that it is ( NOY A CRITICISM OF YOU OP I was same at 24). But I bet you'd identify racial / homophobic/ ablist/ transphobic abuse pretty quickly.

And.... If you feel able, do report them. Sounds like a city park so probably some CCTV near entrances? I mean, I don't hold out much hope with our misogynist police but you might get one of the good ones. The Met police apparently have decided to start caring about this kind of shit will believe it when I see it

She didn’t say “needs” she said Ned’s, which means non educated delinquents.

I agree with the rest though.

Please report it to the police x

Gosh this is awful. I'm not surprised your upset by this. The things they were saying/threatening are absolutely vile.

In regards to your question about any advice/moving on from this, I think firstly my advice would be to report this to the police. For them to even think those things and threaten them shows they have the potential to carry out those acts.
Secondly, I would look up some sexual harassment charities and call/text/type for some advice and also just to express how you feel. I think speaking about how this has made you feel will help. Maybe even chatting to others who have been through similar experiences. Maybe abit of journalling will help, if your struggeling with what to write try using wisdom access questions. And just some self care. Do things that make you feel good, happy, relaxed, calm etc.

The majority would be disturbed and upset by this. I hope you are ok.

Please do report. It isnt joking or banter and it isnt ok. It doesnt matter that you cant identify them now, it can go as info if someone else also reports something similar

Then don't contribute
@NutmegOrCinnamon I'm so sorry, do you feel you are able to report this ?

Do report it. Many of them may have been engaging in pack behaviour and just egging each other on (still cuntish! Still harassment of you!) but in a group willing to verbally attack and threaten a woman that way, I’d bet at least one has escalated from verbal harassment and intimidation to physical attacks. Those jokes don’t come from nowhere.

I’m sorry, it sounds terrifying and horrendous and ignoring was the right thing to do – pretty much any response from you would be OK, because you’re not the one at fault here.