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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
HowardKirksConscience · 04/07/2023 19:13

YANBU

I think women are the nicer sex, on the whole. Yes I know there are exceptions, but men are generally selfish beings.

You’ll get a hundred replies from people telling you how great their husbands are, though.

CherryGenoa · 04/07/2023 19:13

I’m with you! It’s largely men who have fucked up the world, now is the time for female wisdom to shine.

Let’s move the Overton window.

VegMam · 04/07/2023 19:17

I’ve got a wonderful husband, father and son, and of course not all men. But I agree women are massively under valued for our contribution to society in all ways.

i think men are often over rewarded, and the world would be ax much better place with women in charge.

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 19:18

I agree that women are the nicer sex, generally. Not even talking about the examples you have mentioned, about them being lousy lovers! Just talking about the general injustice perpetrated by men in most of the world.

I am not going to tell you about my lovely Dh or my lovely son, but there will shortly be lots of "Not my Nigels" arriving on the scene.

StephanieSuperpowers · 04/07/2023 19:20

YANBU.

Overall, men just don't pull the weight, as a sex, that women do.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 04/07/2023 19:22

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littleripper · 04/07/2023 19:22

We are just better in pretty much every regard except brute strength and aggression imo

littleripper · 04/07/2023 19:24

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I have both. They are great and tell them so.
They both find it bizarre that they are praised for doing basic tasks like calling their relatives/buying cards/caring for children they love.
The shitty men making this world make it worse for all the women and the great men. And most women are just better than most men, at most things.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 04/07/2023 19:26

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RoseslnTheHospital · 04/07/2023 19:27

There will be the predicted influx of not my Nigel's and NAMALT and so on.

Women do sometimes take revenge, Boudicca and Phoolan Devi spring to mind immediately. Both very badly wronged by men.

But in general with regard to the smaller issues, women tend to want to improve matters rather than punish or gain revenge.

Eggmcmuffin · 04/07/2023 19:28

You are so right, as much as you can general about anything anyway. I think the best thing we can do to rebel is to support other women.

YouJustDoYou · 04/07/2023 19:28

Men like to say how women are "so bitchy" etc...but...we don't rape and murder each other. We don't sexually harrass little girls (amd boys).

MyMotherWorked15Hours5DaysAWeek · 04/07/2023 19:31

I do want revenge personally. Men as a sex class will never be anything other than a threat to me.

StephanieSuperpowers · 04/07/2023 19:33

YouJustDoYou · 04/07/2023 19:28

Men like to say how women are "so bitchy" etc...but...we don't rape and murder each other. We don't sexually harrass little girls (amd boys).

Also, what people call "bitchy" is by no means foreign to men, either.

Spendonsend · 04/07/2023 19:35

But ( in their prime) they are something pretty to look at.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 04/07/2023 19:35

My friends think that I am chronically online, (tiktok specifically) but I see some absolutely abhorrent behaviour from men just asking for my number - so that says all I need to know.
Although saying that - being happily single for a long means that the message doesn't come through for the happily married/settled folk.

Backstreets · 04/07/2023 19:37

I’ll join in on some man hating, I have to pull an extra shift tomorrow as an employee has gained a stalker and I might have to give the odious worm a talking to, very well knowing he might punch me in the face for it (has that look about him but our security has been useless in handling the situation so far). If he’d taken her no for an answer this summer would have been a lot less stressful so far.

He’s twenty years older than her, too. Pig!

DepartureLounge · 04/07/2023 19:38

I couldn't agree more. Men are well aware of it too, which is why misogyny exists. Fear and loathing. They know the only way to avoid being our serfs is to curtail our opportunities, undermine our confidence and, if all else fails, hurt us physically. What a shower they are for the most part. And NAMALT? Well, scratch the surface a bit more and actually they mostly are tbh. Colour me unimpressed at best.

onefinemess · 04/07/2023 19:38

OP, are you OK?

DepartureLounge · 04/07/2023 19:38

Spendonsend · 04/07/2023 19:35

But ( in their prime) they are something pretty to look at.

This is true. 😂

PrueRamsay · 04/07/2023 19:39

YANBU

Phos · 04/07/2023 19:40

Presumably because women, in their oh so superior status, realise going for revenge is about as petty and pointless as your OP.

JamSandle · 04/07/2023 19:41

Our hormones make us nicer.

Superdupes · 04/07/2023 19:41

I thought I had a good one. Turned out he'd been faking it. For 25 fucking years. I'm with you OP.

Testina · 04/07/2023 19:43

Family member awaiting trial for raping his daughters. Yeah, plural.
NAMALT, have a father, son, husband (also a brother but he’s not good evidence for NAMALT but at least he’s only physically assaulted women his own age and not raped children…)
Women also commit horrendous crimes… but just not in the numbers of men.
If there’s going to be a (TV) Handmaid’s Tale style retribution moment - I know the “man” I’m starting on.

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