Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
AutisticLegoLover · 06/07/2023 10:35

Can we have both revenge and equality? That would be nice. Do voodoo dolls actually work? If his dick would drop off by itself they would make me very happy and stop him raping anyone. Then if child maintenance could be more than what it costs to feed Dd that would do nicely.

TheJoyOfWriting · 08/09/2025 02:39

TrishM80 · 04/07/2023 22:34

I'm afraid that's simply not true. If this was a female only world, and it never had male geniuses, innovators and inventors, let's face it, we'd all be living in mud huts.

Happier and safer in our, no doubt, lesbian relationships, and not having to put up with anymore ghastly and mediocre men in our lives, but living in mud huts nonetheless.

Camille Paglia fan, are you?

I take it you don't have a high opinion of women's ability to innovate or invent...?

TheJoyOfWriting · 08/09/2025 19:54

Mumtothreegirlies · 04/07/2023 22:57

men are very lucky these days on the whole. Not only do we carry the weight of the caring role, we also pay half the bills now as well.
we could be bursting at the seams with baby on a Monday have 19 hour labour and episiotomy on the Tuesday and have the house cleaned by Wednesday and be back to work a few weeks later. I think life has gone downhill since this ‘equality’ came about. We are no longer taken care of and children and family suffer. We need to put more pressure on men and then maybe less men would walk out of the family home.

Being 'taken care of' in previous times also meant that women were shut out of the professikns and encouraged to be financially dependent w marriage bars etc

Yes, imo, similar to the Wages For Housework campaign, the government should value childcare for the important role it is.

But while men should support, I don't think 'being taken care of' is the sole ideal. If a woman wants to work, why shouldn't she split bills? Mothers w young kids should be supported, but I don't think splitting bills etc is per se bad. Men should help w caring more though.

TheJoyOfWriting · 08/09/2025 20:09

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/07/2023 20:24

The older I get the more I realise that they are just a vastly inferior species in every respect other than greater physical strength, speed and agility. And sometimes better hand/eye coordination.

We literally win hands down on everything else that counts:

  • Intelligence
  • Empathy
  • Ability to multi-task
  • Creative thinking
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Social skills
  • Negotiation
  • Forward planning and project management

There are plenty of men I love, including my partner and I have cherished male friends. But as a sex, aside from sex and companionship and brute force they bring nothing to the world.

I am pretty astonished it took me until I was in my late 40s to realise how woefully over-rated they are.

I agree that women are often stronger on social skills, empathy, negotiation,

On intelligence : it's worth pointing out that men on average score 4 IQ points higher than women.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0191886994900302%23:~:text%3DAmong%2520adults%252C%2520males%2520have%2520slightly,than%2520the%2520mean%2520for%2520females.&ved=2ahUKEwixq4nb7MmPAxWth_0HHRpLNXgQFnoECBgQBQ&usg=AOvVaw0ng6d2YU_OLEkvVHA6C7J-

However, I would need more research to make up my mind on this.

Creativity : on this topic you get MRAs saying things like 'Where's the female Shakespeare or Mozart or Plato?' But imo this ignores the glaring facts that 1. Women in those eras were heavily restricted (eg. Mozart's contemporary Marianna Martines could never write an opera as it would have been seen as inappropriate for a woman then, though previously some women had).

  1. Classical music & playwrighting etc have become much simpler since then. It would be very hard to think of a male of equivalent achievement to Shakespeare in later eras. Ditto Mozart. Philosophers too seem to have shrunk in stature in recent times.

https://www.google.com/url?opi=89978449&rct=j&sa=t&source=web&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sciencedirect.com%2Fscience%2Farticle%2Fpii%2F0191886994900302%23%3A%7E%3Atext%3DAmong%2520adults%252C%2520males%2520have%2520slightly%2Cthan%2520the%2520mean%2520for%2520females.&usg=AOvVaw0ng6d2YU_OLEkvVHA6C7J-&ved=2ahUKEwixq4nb7MmPAxWth_0HHRpLNXgQFnoECBgQBQ

Millytante · 08/09/2025 20:32

I think we’ve a far more pressing new battle going on, which is to prevent further erosion of the legal rights we’ve won, and the general space we now inhabit in society.
There’s been cynical commercial and cultural activity by the more militant (and the undercover) ranks of the Other Side these past forty years, whose aim is the reduction, and also the dilution in value, of women’s freedom.
OP’s list of women’s aptitudes pretty much illustrates a lot of the horrified realisation which struck that old devil, Patriarchy, and it gave many of them the willies, so to speak.
Certainly there was regret that Women’s Liberation had got as far as it had. Urgent action was needed! 🙄

Best revenge, if you feel vengeful, is to refuse to give an inch when you hear their damn tanks approaching.
We shall not be moved! (even though our senses are reeling with déjá vu)

Illegally18 · 08/09/2025 20:35

StephanieSuperpowers · 04/07/2023 19:33

Also, what people call "bitchy" is by no means foreign to men, either.

So true.

RoseAlone · 08/09/2025 20:44

This is a you problem and the reason women get a bad name. It's a women's world today, guys don't stand a chance

Maddy70 · 13/09/2025 18:09

Why does anyone have any headspace for revenge? Those examples of men you have encountered just don't shag them!
My experience of men is very different, but I'm lucky enough to be in a position where I can

smallpinecone · 13/09/2025 18:16

This is the reason I’d never want to be described as, or associated with, feminists.

All man-hating harpies full of hatred and bile. What a way to live. No thank you.

anytipswelcome · 13/09/2025 19:07

smallpinecone · 13/09/2025 18:16

This is the reason I’d never want to be described as, or associated with, feminists.

All man-hating harpies full of hatred and bile. What a way to live. No thank you.

I’m a feminist and I don’t hate men, I live with one who is a fantastic dad and partner. I have friends who are male and brilliant humans. Feminists don’t “all” hate men, that’s a complete falsehood.

5128gap · 13/09/2025 19:15

I'd imagine because heterosexual women want them as partners and women who want children want them to impregnate them and co parent, and we give birth to them. So we really don't want the all out war revenge would mean. Instead we plod on, trying to educate, persuade and influence in the hopes of living harmoniously as equals.

smallpinecone · 13/09/2025 19:55

anytipswelcome · 13/09/2025 19:07

I’m a feminist and I don’t hate men, I live with one who is a fantastic dad and partner. I have friends who are male and brilliant humans. Feminists don’t “all” hate men, that’s a complete falsehood.

The self-described feminists I’ve seen on MN are an unpleasant bunch. I should have been more specific.

Liz1tummypain · 15/09/2025 22:07

smallpinecone · 13/09/2025 18:16

This is the reason I’d never want to be described as, or associated with, feminists.

All man-hating harpies full of hatred and bile. What a way to live. No thank you.

That's how I see these threads too..

KimberleyClark · 15/09/2025 22:11

Revenge doesn't really help anyone.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page