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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
SeethFarmer · 04/07/2023 21:54

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goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:54

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 21:50

Several studies have now shown that women are more aggressive online than men.
Aggression comes in many forms. Women and girls are more likely to use verbal and indirect aggression than males. We all know it, we all experienced it at school. There are positive and negative generalised traits to both sexes.

yeah thats true to a degree but it's so so not equal. Every one of my close friends has been raped or seriously sexually/physically assaulted by a man - many multiple times. Including the lesbians and queer women, Women just do not assault men in this way.

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 21:56

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 21:53

Will remember this next time I am walking in SE London late at night, and see a group of drunken men. At least they are less aggressive online!

Spectacularly missing the point.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:56

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He doesn't he sounds like he has his eyes open- regardless of how that uncomfortable that makes him as a member of that class himself. kudos and solidarity to him.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:57

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 21:56

Spectacularly missing the point.

She isn't missing the point.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 21:58

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:57

She isn't missing the point.

No she's using the holy female defection n shield of straw woman. 🤣

SeethFarmer · 04/07/2023 22:00

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:00

goldensky · 04/07/2023 21:54

yeah thats true to a degree but it's so so not equal. Every one of my close friends has been raped or seriously sexually/physically assaulted by a man - many multiple times. Including the lesbians and queer women, Women just do not assault men in this way.

I think your a bit of an exception and need to move if all of your friends have been assaulted multiple times. As for me I know none, where do you live?

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 22:00

Straw women, deflection etc etc. Semantics really. All the academic theories in the world do not mask the fact that if I am getting into an Uber late at night, I would much rather it be driven by a woman than a man.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:00

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 21:58

No she's using the holy female defection n shield of straw woman. 🤣

I dunno - having a scrap online veres rape and battery. experienced both.know which one i would take.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:01

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 22:00

Straw women, deflection etc etc. Semantics really. All the academic theories in the world do not mask the fact that if I am getting into an Uber late at night, I would much rather it be driven by a woman than a man.

That's your perogative and personal feeling none is going to dispute that but it does not make it a hard truth for everyone and certainly not me.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:02

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:00

I think your a bit of an exception and need to move if all of your friends have been assaulted multiple times. As for me I know none, where do you live?

I live in a nice place by the sea. but we are all old. and we have all, without exception experienced male violence.

Peppadog · 04/07/2023 22:04

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:02

I live in a nice place by the sea. but we are all old. and we have all, without exception experienced male violence.

I'm sure most will have experienced female aggression too. I had experienced more female aggression by the time I reached secondary school then my DH has by male friends in his entire life.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:05

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:02

I live in a nice place by the sea. but we are all old. and we have all, without exception experienced male violence.

Funny that I thought I lived in a nice place where neither myself or my female friends have experience that that I know off. May be mine is not a nice place then like yours?

I'd still suggest you move then it's not normal.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:10

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:05

Funny that I thought I lived in a nice place where neither myself or my female friends have experience that that I know off. May be mine is not a nice place then like yours?

I'd still suggest you move then it's not normal.

For my generation, it's normal. We were talking about it the other day. its a part of all of our lives. `interestingly recently one of our gay male friends was talking about how he felt sexually harassed by women when he was young in clubs. We asked him if women had rubbed their vaginas up him on the tube or tried to show him their vaginas in parks or forced him to give them sex or oral sex. He agreed that this hadn't happened to him and was slightly shocked by the fact that every single female in the room had had one or all of these experiences.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:13

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:10

For my generation, it's normal. We were talking about it the other day. its a part of all of our lives. `interestingly recently one of our gay male friends was talking about how he felt sexually harassed by women when he was young in clubs. We asked him if women had rubbed their vaginas up him on the tube or tried to show him their vaginas in parks or forced him to give them sex or oral sex. He agreed that this hadn't happened to him and was slightly shocked by the fact that every single female in the room had had one or all of these experiences.

You assume that you know my age, so you are making false assumptions once again, it does not help your argument in the slightest. So spare me the "my generation rubbish".

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:17

im not assuming anything. Im just talking about me and my friends. Im not commenting about your life or experiences at all.

Deathbyfluffy · 04/07/2023 22:18

JamSandle · 04/07/2023 19:41

Our hormones make us nicer.

Man here - I wouldn’t say that’s always the case.
But it wouldn’t be MN without the daily man bashing thread! 😅

crackofdoom · 04/07/2023 22:18

fernbreeze
I would imagine that many ,if not most, of your female friends have been sexually assaulted at one point or other, they just haven't felt comfortable enough to tell you. Can't think why 🤔

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:19

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:17

im not assuming anything. Im just talking about me and my friends. Im not commenting about your life or experiences at all.

Well I'm sorry for your experience but it does not mean it applied to everyone else including me and my circle of friends. Just goest to show it was not as widespread as you Perceive.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 22:20

crackofdoom · 04/07/2023 22:18

fernbreeze
I would imagine that many ,if not most, of your female friends have been sexually assaulted at one point or other, they just haven't felt comfortable enough to tell you. Can't think why 🤔

Oh spare me the bullshit you know nothing of my relationship with my friends. Just goes to show your not much different than the men you dispise.

Arcadia · 04/07/2023 22:23

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/07/2023 20:24

The older I get the more I realise that they are just a vastly inferior species in every respect other than greater physical strength, speed and agility. And sometimes better hand/eye coordination.

We literally win hands down on everything else that counts:

  • Intelligence
  • Empathy
  • Ability to multi-task
  • Creative thinking
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Social skills
  • Negotiation
  • Forward planning and project management

There are plenty of men I love, including my partner and I have cherished male friends. But as a sex, aside from sex and companionship and brute force they bring nothing to the world.

I am pretty astonished it took me until I was in my late 40s to realise how woefully over-rated they are.

This is so true. I am late 40s and feel exactly the same.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:23

Im wouldn't say I despise men. I am just endlessly disappointed by their inability to behave in a civilised fashion.

goldensky · 04/07/2023 22:25

Arcadia · 04/07/2023 22:23

This is so true. I am late 40s and feel exactly the same.

Same - to the point where I only date women now.

Lentilweaver · 04/07/2023 22:25

Deathbyfluffy · 04/07/2023 22:18

Man here - I wouldn’t say that’s always the case.
But it wouldn’t be MN without the daily man bashing thread! 😅

Or indeed the many people minimizing male violence, and insisting they run eagerly towards strange men late at night. Have no problems taking an Uber ever. No worries about hiking alone ( unlike the poor women thrown into a ravine). Instead, they look up academic studies online, and remember that women are terribly aggressive online....

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