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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 04/07/2023 20:44

Ah the old women are saints and men are all terrible gets very old, women have choice (same as men) so make right choices and stop blaming everyone else

nutbrownhare15 · 04/07/2023 20:45

It's because they are the better sex. Kinder, more empathic, less selfish. They can put themselves in men's shoes and try to understand hence not wanting revenge. Men are much less likely to do this hence much more revenge driven in general.

Goldbar · 04/07/2023 20:48

WandaWonder · 04/07/2023 20:44

Ah the old women are saints and men are all terrible gets very old, women have choice (same as men) so make right choices and stop blaming everyone else

While we are all ultimately responsible for our choices, none of us make them within a societal vacuum.

Walking out on your children is a case in point. Men doing this is often relatively consequence-free since women are socialised to believe they need to stick around to pick up the pieces.

Imagine if single mothers en masse said 'hang on, parenting is hard work and I didn't sign up for doing this alone, so I'm out of here!' But they don't. Because generally their choice to abandon their children would have far greater repercussions than their partner's.

HadalyEve · 04/07/2023 20:55

For the record, I don’t think women are any better than men in any respect. Matriarchies are no better than patriarchies.

Im happy to discuss the reality of the oppression of women, but the overt sexism and misandry being expressed is making me uncomfortable.

I know reporting posts or taking it up with individual posters would be futile. MN is comfortable with a certain level of bigotry on this site because it keeps the thread going and more posts= more advert profits. So deletions are not going to happen.

So I’m going to put a cone of silence on this thread and move on.

ChampagneCommunist · 04/07/2023 20:55

YANBU. This is why we can know that homosexuality is not a choice.

If it was a choice, we'd surely all choose another woman and be much happier

YouAreNotBatman · 04/07/2023 21:00

ChampagneCommunist · 04/07/2023 20:55

YANBU. This is why we can know that homosexuality is not a choice.

If it was a choice, we'd surely all choose another woman and be much happier

You seem to forget that staying single is an option.

No one needs or has to be in a relationship.

StarDolphins · 04/07/2023 21:02

Unfortunately, there just aren’t anywhere near enough strong women with high self-worth out there. Until there is, men will continue to rule.

I only know 1 strong woman. I love my friends dearly but they’re all weak where men are concerned. Low standards all round.

ASGIRC · 04/07/2023 21:02

Wow... Theres a LOT of man hating here... I guess it tracks with other things Ive read on this forum, but still... DAMN!

As for me, no, I dont want revenge. I want equality. I dont hate men, nor do I think they are all terrible. Or that all women are amazing.

FourTeaFallOut · 04/07/2023 21:07

ASGIRC · 04/07/2023 21:02

Wow... Theres a LOT of man hating here... I guess it tracks with other things Ive read on this forum, but still... DAMN!

As for me, no, I dont want revenge. I want equality. I dont hate men, nor do I think they are all terrible. Or that all women are amazing.

I'm quite surprised too. I was expecting an army of Not my Nigels- but it seems we've lurched to the other extreme.

Meerkatdog · 04/07/2023 21:12

I find it so weird how man hating Mumsnet is. You need to meet some nicer men. Most of my friends husband's pull their weight, do at least 50/50 if not more of the domestic load.
I actually don't believe women are the 'nicer' sex, the people who have made me the most miserable and been most cruel and nasty have been women.

EntreMummy · 04/07/2023 21:14

At this point, I think true equality, if we ever get there, is revenge.

SquirrelSoShiny · 04/07/2023 21:15

YANBU. I can hardly bear to watch the news anymore. It's just endless men being absolutely abhorrent.

CherryGenoa · 04/07/2023 21:16

90% of oil and gas industry executives are male. With these industries largely responsible for climate meltdown, I’d say it’s time for men to step aside.

DarkDarkNight · 04/07/2023 21:17

YANBU. There was a news story about the Police before and example after example of Police Men abusing their positions and raping women, grooming them, contacting victims of crime and propositioning them. Yes yes not all men, but with a lot of them if they think they can get away with it they will do it.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 21:17

Got to say I have to wonder if all the other females on this thread that feel their vastly superior to ghastly men refuse to be served or helped by all these nasty men.

I mean I sincerely hope you always request and refuse none other than female doctors, nurses, surgeons, gas fitters, mechanics, firefighters, police, armed forces workers, dentists, delivery drivers, teachers, lecturer's, workmen ect. Otherwise your all pretty dam hypocrite s.

Merryoldgoat · 04/07/2023 21:17

I agree. My husband is not like this. Neither is his dad.

I told him how my friends tell me ‘he’s a keeper’ because he’s an equal partner and parent.

He said that it’s pretty sad the bar is so low.

Allmyghosts · 04/07/2023 21:19

Tbh the only blokes who I thought were alright were those I only knew superficially, I'm pretty fat and ugly, so get no benefit of the doubt from anyone. That makes a difference, I have met quite a few empathetic kind women, they aren't the general rule either.

I think eventually you just give up trying, women who have been treated favourably by others will never understand. Good for them.

My longterm ex was a very odd pussycat compared to the next bloke, the next was even worse. I gave up. I actually love being single tbh. There are worse things than being lonely.

CherryGenoa · 04/07/2023 21:19

Yawn, not that tired old argument again @Fernbreeze Everyones a hypocrite in your world.

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 21:21

CherryGenoa · 04/07/2023 21:19

Yawn, not that tired old argument again @Fernbreeze Everyones a hypocrite in your world.

Care to point to point out where I said that previously? Come on, you want to calle out do It correctly and get your facts straight love.

Witchcraftandhokum · 04/07/2023 21:21

I've met some pretty abhorrent women.

boobot1 · 04/07/2023 21:23

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/07/2023 20:24

The older I get the more I realise that they are just a vastly inferior species in every respect other than greater physical strength, speed and agility. And sometimes better hand/eye coordination.

We literally win hands down on everything else that counts:

  • Intelligence
  • Empathy
  • Ability to multi-task
  • Creative thinking
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Social skills
  • Negotiation
  • Forward planning and project management

There are plenty of men I love, including my partner and I have cherished male friends. But as a sex, aside from sex and companionship and brute force they bring nothing to the world.

I am pretty astonished it took me until I was in my late 40s to realise how woefully over-rated they are.

So what about Newton, Einstein, Shakespere, Tesla, Keats, Shelley, Byron, Michael Angelo, Da Vinci, Beethoven, Bach...... bring nothing to world.... er ok!

Allmyghosts · 04/07/2023 21:23

Witchcraftandhokum · 04/07/2023 21:21

I've met some pretty abhorrent women.

And? You are unconsciously excusing men completely because some bad women exist. Look into yourself and examine why You anyone criticising men uncomfortable?

Allmyghosts · 04/07/2023 21:24

*find

Fernbreeze · 04/07/2023 21:25

boobot1 · 04/07/2023 21:23

So what about Newton, Einstein, Shakespere, Tesla, Keats, Shelley, Byron, Michael Angelo, Da Vinci, Beethoven, Bach...... bring nothing to world.... er ok!

Oh please don't point inconvenient truths, there to busy turning on their sisters already.

I doubt most militants on here can handle it.

FeigningConcern · 04/07/2023 21:25

competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women

We obviously don't know the same women!