Left out of family holiday

[Nmum21]

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

Yes, either way, it can be hurtful to be the only member of your family to be left out.

@Nmum21 I think you need to have an honest conversation with your parents, in person (not by text or social media) letting them know how hurt you were to be excluded. Don't blame them or anything. Just let them know.

And then I'd maintain a bit of distance from them for a while. Not no contact, just a bit of distance.

I'd be properly pissed off. I would have expected an explanation at least i.e we are planning a child free holiday but we'll do something together another time or something. I'd have found the lack of discussion quite hurtful.

I'm not sure any adult would give a monkeys about attending a children's party, with or without a bouncy castle. I avoid them if at all possible and I have a child. Luckily at drop and run age

YANBU, that’s hurtful. Are they paying for them all as well?

Hahaha so petty and they will probably not even notice lol

I wouldn’t take it personal. Are they all staying in the same place? Did everyone pay for the holidays? One thing is to invite 3 adults and another one is to invite a whole family of 4 plus the 3 adults? Could they accommodate 7 more people?

They probably wanted to relax without children; I would have been nice to be direct with you though.

Are your children a school? Could you have taken them out to go on a holiday out of school holidays?

Can you and your partner afford holidays with your children ?

Hahaha really? Yes you can if you want a child free vacation. This does not mean they will never go on vacation with OP ever again, but this childish response of feeling left out is ridiculous.

OP needs to manage her emotions but if she thinks going on vacation with her I laws which may end up hell anyway just to post pictures and pay them back then go ahead lol.

They aren’t “kids” they are adults, with two children. It’s not as though they have come home from school to find a note on the table to say “ see you in two weeks, don’t forget to water the tomatoes”

@Nmum21 , how old are your children?

You say you’d never exclude people because of children - of course you wouldn’t, you have children and are in the child-heavy stage of your life. They aren’t.

Unless your parents have paid for everyone else, you aren’t being deprived of something. They are having the type of holiday that suits their stage of life and not yours.

I think they should have told you about it. I suspect not doing so is either thoughtless or actively avoiding a difficult conversation because they don’t think you would react well to it.

If your parents let you know beforehand that you weren't invited because they wanted a childfree holiday then YABU.

However, if they haven't acknowledged your lack of invitation at all then I would consider that quite cold.

Petty or not, I love this idea!

Gosh, that would hurt me. The pictures would be salt in the wound.
The thing which would hurt me most would be all the discussions behind my back with all the excuses as to why it was right and justified to exclude me and my little family. Nothing explained to my face. No compromises or @Nmum21 join us for a nice weekend away in school hols.
Yes it would hurt very much.

I understand the hurt you feel by being left out but surely you must understand why. People are entitled to enjoy their holiday as they see fit & going away with children is really not enjoyable unless they are your own. Would you have felt better if they had told you why you weren’t invited?

Im petty but I would be tempted to comment “where was my invite guys 🤣 hope you’re having a great time”. Passive aggressive enough for those on the holiday to get the point but to everyone else who is seeing the pictures without you there it looks like you’re being nice (unless they know you were deliberately excluded in which case they should understand!)

The least they could have done is explain why you weren't invited.

I would tell them how I felt, especially my parents. That’s shit of them and I agree with you that no one should be excluded in a family group whether you have kids or not. It’s incomprehensible to me that in a family you wouldn’t invite everyone.. I’d call them out and say how hurt you and and ask them for their explanation x

If you don't want kids on the holiday, you don't invite the other siblings. You can't invite all of your children except one. I'm surprised some people think this is OK. I'd never do this to my children.

My family did a similar thing and I'm now low contact with them and they wonder why I don't see them much any more. I've found if I lower my expectations I don't feel so hurt as their behaviour just reinforces what I think they are.

I’m really confused as to why people think they are entitled to go on an adults only holiday with their kids even if the rest of the group want it child free. Entitled to feel upset that they didn’t explain why there was no invite yes but they didn’t want kids there so why should you have been invited? If I’m paying a load of cash for potentially the only couple of weeks off in a year to relax, eat, drink etc why should I feel obligated to invite someone who I don’t want there just incase it hurts their feelings..outrageous

Isn’t it term time anyway, so assuming you may have children of school age, they probably thought they’d just be in school.
They are entitled to have the holiday they want. Could they maybe be planning a different getaway with you at a later stage? Just tell them you felt a bit left out and ask if they fancy going with you and the kids.

Its not unreasonable of them to want and plan an adults only holiday
But it is hurtful that they didn't talk to you about it. And were I you I would tell them how you felt excluded. All they needed to do was say they didn't want holiday with children, or invite you on your own - but would you have made a big fuss about that or been understanding?

Judging by your response you clearly must also be a child. Have a great day!

I can't understand any gp's not wanting the dgc around.
I have 2 dgc and absolutely love being with them.
I'd never leave anyone out either.

I think it is strange thing for your parents to do. I think it is reasonable to want do a kids free holiday but that haven't exactly stated a reason why you have been excluded. I would reconsider my relationship with them.