Left out of family holiday

[Nmum21]

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

YANBU to be hurt at being left out OP and I think your DPs have handled this horribly by extending the invitation to everyone else and not to you. It sounds though like your sisters are single and that while your DB has a partner he's not moved onto the married with DC stage of life. Perhaps they thought you'd be doing your own thing or that you don't 'need' to go on holiday with them any more, because you have your family? I'm not excusing them, because assumptions of this kind are hurtful in the extreme (a form of this happened to me once too - my DPs invited all my other siblings to join them on holiday after a wedding - because my DH and I lived abroad at the time we weren't invited), but it may have been clumsy rather than deliberate.

If the kids are school age, I would also imagine that cost comes into it. Waiting to go on holiday during school holidays hikes the price significantly, as we well know.

Did they assume you couldn’t take them out of school? Having said that a bit of communication wouldn’t have gone amiss x

Maybe they don't want to be grandparents, aunties and uncles on this holiday though. Perhaps they want late nights, shopping, sunbathing and sightseeing without all the extras that bringing even the most compliant and best behaved children bring?

Don’t be so daft! I’m assuming that all the people involved are fully grown adults - so no, they’re not leaving a ‘kid’ behind 😂

Maybe they didn’t ‘invite’ your siblings, maybe your siblings told your parents that they’d like to go along. And maybe if you’d have told your parents that you’d also like to go along, they would have said that’s lovely!

You’ve grown up and made your own family, presumably you go on holiday with DH and your children.

Your parents booked a child-free holiday, your siblings were last minute additions to their existing plans. Adding a family with children (with incumbent restrictions and responsibilities) totally alters the holiday.

It hurts to be left out, but your life choices aren’t as compatible with your parents’ holiday plans and your child-free siblings are.

So hurtful OP, they may not have wanted children on their holiday but they could have still invited you and mentioned that and then you could decide if you wanted to go without DH and kids or not go at all.
The point being, they should have given you the option.

Very hurtful thing to do to you, it's never nice to be the only one left out.
They most definitely should have asked you would you like to go as well. Your children's other grandparents might have been delighted to look after them and then it's still a child free holiday.
I'd head off on holiday with your DH & DC and have a fabulous time, lots of photos on SM, feck them!! 😂😂

This would be devastating. Can you go quiet with them all for a while? Take a step back until you feel better.

How old are your children and would you be expecting them to come along too?

I don't really understand this. Surely you said something like "How come you are taking Emma and Simon on holiday but not me? Why wasn't I invited?"

I thought this too. @Nmum21 did you talk to your parents about if they were ok with including you too?

And if they wanted a child free holiday that is fair. Would you have been able to leave the kids with your Dh and go by yourself to join up with your family?

They would have had to go in school holidays which would have doubled the price. I think they should of at LEAST said we would love to do this another time when your kids are all grown up.

I would be so hurt too. I am really petty so I wouldnt be able to stop myself on social media. A simple thanks for the invite would have been typed before I could have stopped myself!

Wanting a child free holiday? Absolutely fine and understandable, let's face it children ruin adult time.

Not acknowledging it/explaining with an apology? Very poor form.

I can see it is really hurtful but dependant on how old your children are inviting you would have completely changed the dynamics of the holiday. Could you suggest a holiday together in the future?

But also - surely just you could have gone? And your husband stayed at home with your children if it was child free. Did they even talk to you about that? (Or - are you one of those I go, we all go families?)

This has happened to me this year. We’ve always had big family holidays, my parents, my siblings, DCs. I left my H last year and it’s been a really shit time - a holiday would really have helped cheer the kids up.

popped round to my mums a few weeks ago to find everyone else has booked a holiday. Adults only resort. No discussion at all, it wasn’t even mentioned. My DCs are hurt not to be invited as we do usually holiday together, and I’m really hurt too. My mum could see by my face and gave some flimsy excuse about assuming I had too much on with the divorce.

You must have been so hurt bless you . I would have been x

If they are away now and you are in the UK you either have pre-school kids or you have school age kids and you'd have needed the family to change the dates of the holiday. They've possibly handled it badly but if you have ore-schoolers and everyone else is a child free adult it massively alters the dynamic of the holiday. If you have school age kids were you expecting them to move the holiday to school hols time?

They should have said something, but I understand why they wouldn’t want children, and I’m a parent. It changes the whole dynamic.

Also school holidays are awful, it’s much nicer to holiday in term time.

This ^^

I wonder if the prices also had anything to do with it? If the DCs are at school the difference may have been enormous if they'd gone in school holidays, so perhaps that was a factor?

Have you actually talked to your parents about it @Nmum21? Presumably they told you they were inviting the others - did you not bring it up then that you were feeling left out?

I would mute all of their accounts for 30 days so you don't have to see the pictures.

So there was no discussion as such just other family members added on. I assume there are 4 siblings. 3 in Greece with parents and 1 left behind. Regardless of the family composition to exclude one without discussion is nasty. You are entitled to feel excluded.

Have you had other issues? How do the other members of your family interact with you and your children?