Left out of family holiday

[Nmum21]

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

Very hurtful.
And tbh, what kind of grandparents won't go on holiday with their grandchildren? They can be child-free most of the time, ( unless they live with you) most GP would love to holiday with the GC. Maybe you wouldn't be able to spend all evening in bars, but most places are child-friendly these days. Hope they don't expect you to be looking after them when they can no longer do the fun stuff.

It’ll be cost and not wanting kids around.

My DB’s in-laws go away with their children and their grandchildren but on rotation and it’s for carer and respite reasons as FIL is disabled. Me and my family are always invited but means there’s a 5, 6 and almost 3 year old and yes they’re demanding because they’re kids. Not especially loud or boisterous.

The godfather tends to come of one of the children but lives on another continent so this works and this year 2 male friends are also going which SiL thinks will test their sanity.

For me I probably would go but it’d probably be with parents and current boyfriend this wouldn’t be his idea of fun or not yet.

Would you have gone without your children?

If yes YANBU.
If no YABU.

So what happened when you asked to come like your siblings did?
You said they originally booked for themselves so inviting their kids wasn’t even a plan. I can’t see why you are offended as it wasn’t about leaving you out.

presumably you go on holiday with your DH and kids and don’t invite them. If they asked to come would you feel the need to invite everyone in your family as well?

How old are your children? Are they in school?
Did you say anything when your parents said they were going, like ‘sounds great, we could join you?’
Are your parents paying for the others? Is it a Villa or a hotel? Are your siblings actually staying with them or just in the same place?

That's a shame for you. If you'd wanted to go could your kids have stayed with their other grandparents?

I'm guessing it being term time has a lot to do with it too. It's so expensive in the school holidays.

I love my niece and nephew but they are spoilt and whinging a lot of the time. Also their dp try and palm responsibility for them off on us whenever we are with them so the idea of going on holiday with them would be a big no from me! Maybe your family just wanted adults only, it's not a big deal imo!

Did you ask them about it?

YANBU to feel that way. Them sharing photos is pretty shitty to be honest.

In all honesty, I kinda get where they are coming from. We always went as a family and when my niece came along it was pretty annoying to now have to pick child friendly places and be on her routine for eating, things like that. But there are definitely ways and means of going about it to make you feel less shit. Hope you get a fab holiday somewhere too and send lots of picts to them of you having a ball.

I find this attitude baffling. Of course you can! Everyone involved is an adult — this isn’t a six-year-old heartbroken because she’s been left out of a whole-class party. The inclusion of the OP’s siblings seems to have happened organically, and she knows they didn’t want to holiday with children. It’s not a personal slight.

I’m also the only one of my siblings to have a child, and there have been family things I’ve not been included in. It’s no big deal. Having children around does change the vibe.

Totally agree with this statement.

I mean, this might be true - but what sort of family just books this and doesn't say anything to the sister being left out?

My dad this sort of thing once - we live 200 miles away - he had a BBQ and invited the whole family. Many, many cousins. I didn't even know it was happening until one of them texted me! He said he knew I couldn't come, I said that I would have appreciated even knowing it was happening as it felt really mean. He hasn't done it again.

Didn't mean to finish it off like that - I mean he noted that and while it's a bit different now (just better finances basically) he still makes sure I at least know about it!

I have kids.

I TOTALLY understand why people want a childfree holiday. Don't you?

So if they wanted an actual relaxing, childfree holiday, why would they invite people with children? What if you said yes? Then 8 people's holiday is tarnished.

Sorry, but YABU.

You're not unreasonable to feel a bit hurt that you weren't invited but I think YABU to think they should have invited you. Assuming it's about wanting a child free holiday, then surely you can appreciate their reasoning.
It's their holiday. They're paying for it in money and time which both people have limited reserves of.
Have you actually asked them why you weren't invited? Maybe they knew you already had something booked, or maybe they thought you'd struggle financially. Of course it might not be any of these, it could be (random suggestion) they can't stand your husband! Who knows. Mention it later, in an open and pleasant rather than accusatory manner!

Horrible of your parents.

They haven't left one person behind though. I didn't go. Neither did Bill and Joan next door, or Auntie Pam.....because we aren't close childl free adults who all get along.

Nothing wrong with them wanting a child-free holiday but they should have spoken to you about it first, not just sneakily booked it all behind your back. That's just a shitty way to behave.

They haven't taken any children though have they. They booked their holiday and probably adult child and partner said...oh that looks nice, can we join you...Great....then other two ADULT children said...oh lovely, we could share a room and come 2...yes of course.
No children.

Children can be really annoying on holiday and totally change the dynamic. Everything becomes about them & your parents & siblings probably want an adult focussed, relaxing holiday. Completely understandable.

But if they’re on holiday now during term time, it’s obvious that you’d be unable to go because your kids are in school?

You've said yourself everyone is different. I'd say the MAJORITY of people though are seeing it from your parents/siblings point of view, so it's probably you that's different....from the norm.
You also seem to be putting the responsibility of this on your parents for not 'inviting' you. Yes, they booked first but did you actually suggest joining them? You're also implying it was ' a secret'. I'd imagine everyone knew parents and sisters were going. If it had just been the 4 of them would you have minded so much? If so you might want to think about how illogical that is.
In my view, you're being over emotional and personalising this. Are there other family dynamics we're not aware of?

I couldn’t imagine my parents not asking me and my family to go on holiday when they was asking all my siblings.
They’d do anything to spend time with their grandkids, but I understand not everyone has this mentality. Plus my siblings would enjoy seeing the kids abroad too - if the general vibe in your family is that your kids are a “burden” then I’d honestly distance myself from them until they had kids of their own and they’ll probably want to spend all the time in the world with you.

2 kids added onto all adults makes a diff to the complex of holiday and their needs

But yes would have been nice to ask you and kids left behind

Or say this is adults only due to doing xyz but next time we will take you and kids to ....

I wondered the same, though of course we don't know if the DCs are old enough for school yet

If not, there's also the question of would they have been expected to babysit / restrict noise / prioritise child-friendly places, etc .... in other words all the things which would change an adult holiday into something very different

Still think a conversation about it would have helped though