Left out of family holiday

[Nmum21]

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

I have DC and the difference between a holiday with a child and without is vast. You've got 8 adults on an adult holiday. Assuming you wouldn't have left your DC behind with their father's family, it seems reasonable they've not invited you on what is an adult trip

Well, if your siblings don’t have children and your parents wanted a childfree holiday, there’s you answer, surely? I mean, there’s an understandable reason for you not being invited.

You need to hit the unfollow button. It’s awful when family does this. Maybe plan an incredible outing when your family is back with the in-laws and put all the pictures up. Let them feel left out. Maybe on one of the kid’s birthdays.

This kind of petty tit-for-tat explains lots of the frankly ridiculous stand-offs with family on Mn.

Ooo tough one - I think maybe a heads up would have been nice, but they're not being unreasonable for wanting a holiday to be adults only.

Is there zero other factors eg. Can you afford it? Can you get the holiday for it? Nothing else they could be considering?

You can’t go on a holiday with all your family and leave one person behind. That’s shit. They absolutely deserve to have a moment of feeling the same.

This is really awful I am so sorry you have had a
rough time. It’s hurtful for your family do this and I don’t understand why people are so thoughtless.

FML 🙄

Children on a holiday changes everything, where you go, how your day runs, what time you eat, etc. If you don't have to entertain DC on holiday, you wouldn't volunteer to and other people's children are exhausting.

Was there any discussion with you before the holiday? Did they tell you your siblings and their partners were going? If not then their actions are cruel and nasty just to exclude you and your family.
Need more information as to how this holiday was planned.

They absolutely are a pain. But you can’t just take a couple of kids on a holiday and leave one out. The op is upset, most people would be upset.

The thing that would annoy me is the lack of acknowledgement. As in, sorry love, we're going to X resort which isn't child friendly. As it stands, I'd think they thought I was too stupid to notice I was the only one not going!

I get where you are coming from. My parents always prefer a Xmas with a sibling & their family. I might get asked to join them last minute & then ignored for most of the time. When this is not an option I am expected to rock up & keep them entertained.

so yes it is rough but they clearly wanted a child free holiday and will cover themselves by saying they assumed you would want to do your own family thing.

So originally it was just my parents. My sisters got added on a few weeks later. And after a visit to my brother they also added him and his partner. I knew they were going.

The thing is I totally understand they wanted a child free holiday not that they would ever admit it and maybe that has made it worse.

It just hurts to be the only one out of my siblings not to be included and I cannot shake that feeling especially when I see the pictures and posts of them all having such an amazing holiday without us.

If the shoe was on the other foot I would never not invite someone because they had children. So perhaps that’s why I’m feeling strongly about it. But I know everyone is different.

I'd avoid looking at the pictures for now and then when they get back actually speak to your parents and tell them how hurt you were. See what they then say and at that point I'd match the effort they put into family relations.

Yanbu.

I think there should have at least been a conversation, it seems very nasty the way they've gone about it.

I would tell them how you feel.

Have you spoken to them about it? I'd have been inclined to just let them know you were a bit hurt when you found out all the siblings were going. Not necessarily make a huge deal, but let them know you noticed.

Does this kind of thing happen regularly?

I am the first to enjoy a childfree holiday (I don't have kids myself either) but I would find it unbeleivably cruel and shitty for my whole family to just pop off on a holiday without me - without any form of discussion beforehand so that I could understand (and maybe even then).

It's a downright dirty thing to do.

They have absolutely gone about this the wrong way.

I understand why anyone would want a child free holiday - they are bloody wonderful 🤣

However, a conversation about it would have been nice.

How old are your kids? And are they a handful? Sometimes when we’re in the thick of it we don’t realise how full on they are. It does alter a holiday having kids there.

Interesting! If it was friends I'd say fair enough but I'm surprised your family isn't keen, I'd think that grandparents and aunties/uncles would love being with your DC. It's their prerogative but I think I'd feel a bit hurt. Maybe they thought it would be too difficult to travel with children for you?

I would be very hurt by this too, as would most people. It's very thoughtless of them.

Next time they post pictures reply with "why wasn't I invited?" Make them squirm a bit. Then maybe they'll be more considerate in future. Or maybe they won't, but at least you'll have made your point.

If you say nothing they'll think it is absolutely fine and will carry on with this dreadful behaviour.

Have you asked? I would definitely be asking my parents how come eveyone else in the famiy was invited on a holiday but I wasn't.

We go on holiday with our child free Stepson and his partner, always during term time always adult only, my stepdaughter has two kids, doesn’t bat an eyelid as 1, we wouldn’t be doing child oriented activities 2, the kids are in school.

Fair point. Are they well behaved? I love my nephews and neices, but one cousins kids are a nightmare and I wouldn't want to spend too much time around them sadly