Left out of family holiday

[Nmum21]

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

More to the point why weren’t you told about this.
If you were
Why didn’t you ask why you also didn’t get an invite.
Is it the kids or maybe there wasn’t enough space.
I think you need to ask your family why you werent invited and tell them you are upset

Ask them why they didn’t invite you? Maybe your brother and sister specifically asked to go and you didn’t?

On the face it seems a bit mean. I would certainly never treat my children like this.

Forgot.
You haven5 mentioned your childrens age.
If theyre at school then there’s your answer

You still haven’t said how old they are or how feral?

This!!
If your parents had been open and explained their motivations, you wouldn’t feel so awful. I think the best thing to do is mute them on social media, so its not torturing you. In a couple of weeks you can hopefully have a calm conversation about how hurt you were. Be prepared for a defensive reaction though!!

Do your parents do different things with you?

Was there no discussion about everyone going and not you? Did you ask your parents whether it was possible to come with them? Are you constrained by school holidays?

I think this is pretty mean, not to have explained it, discussed it or thought of ways that this could be overcome. Also, those siblings might go on to have kids themselves, are they then going to be left out?

I have 3 young adult children and couldn't imagine inviting 2 of them on holiday and not even saying something to the third. Even if they just said "look it is a term time holiday and not very child friendly so we don't think it is a fit for you"

Actually, I can't imagine 2 of mine going with us without one of them saying "what about Jane, are we going to ask her too"

While I think children change a holiday dynamic I can't see how it would be so difficult to have everyone go. Did they rent a huge villa or is it a hotel or a couple villas? Do they go around like one big octopus everyone has to do what everyone else is doing?
How hard would it have been for you to do your own thing with the kids during the day then meet up for meal times? And then you take your kids to bed and if they want to go out you could join on occasion while your partner stays with the kids? Or there may even be times when they'd be happy to do a couple things including the kids?
It does seem odd to completely exclude you, unless YOU are the one who thinks everyone needs to bend to your children's needs and schedules.

It doesn't matter if it's about children or not, they were rude and hurtful not to talk to you about it and explain

Are your parents funding your siblings' holiday or are they all paying themselves?

How old are your siblings? Are they working or still students.

You still haven’t mentioned how old your children are? There’s a big difference between little kids and more pre teens / teens. Now my children are older it’s more enjoyable as they sit and join in with conversation and it’s just easier, but when they were little it would have been a nightmare.

I’m not surprised you feel left out, you have been. There being a reason for you being left out doesn’t necessarily make it less hurtful. I think that’s pretty mean of them. Wanting an adults only holiday is one thing (though not necessarily a kind thing) but they could have that without asking both your siblings and not you.

But there’s not much you can do about it, OP, except talk to them about it when they get back.

This

i think if you were my daughter I’d speak to you about it and maybe try to schedule a different (child friendly) holiday with you another time.

They are "entitled" to have an adults only holiday. But only on the robotic world of mumsnet would that be seen as a totally OK thing to do. Not sure what kind of parent leaves 1/4 children out of a holiday.

Its totally shit. We get left out of family things on both sides since our son was born.
There is a very big age gap between him and his cousins and siblings. So they cater for the older children (all teenagers) and we just get left out. Especially hurtful as my teenagers would also like to join in but we find out about family activities after they have happened or on Facebook.
I have told my family it hurts but they just say Well DS wouldn't enjoy it anyway. I don't bother now and have blocked all of them on Facebook.
We do our own thing now and don't invite them to things.

They could have extended the offer to you and asked you to arrange childcare. But then would that have triggered a post of a different nature…

@OttoGraph
Why would you assume that the parents invited the siblings as opposed to the siblings asking to join them?

Thinking ahead - what do you normally do at Christmas? If you normally include them, don't bother and don't talk to them about it. Invite the in laws instead and post pictures on social media about how grateful you are to have family round on christmas day or something equally saccharine.

How childish is it to suggest that OP.should cut contact with her parents and siblings because they went on a vacation without her.

As a parent with young children, she will undoubtedly go on trips and vacations without her parents. In all likelihood, she won't even think of them or factor them into her planning.

She has not even asked her parents as to what transpired such that they were all traveling together.
If she is the kind of adult who cannot directly approach her parents with a simple question, but instead simmers about it in private, she my be the kind of sensitive person with whom vacationing might not be fun.

So many possibilities, but the accurate answers won't come from the internet. The answer that she is seeking can only come from her parents.

There is a tendency for posters to suggest the nuclear option when a conversation would be the sane first step.

That’s so mean, family is everything to me, no way would we book a family trip unless we are all going,

Honestly op. It's sounds a bit like they announced they were going to Greece and your sisters thought oh well join you and then your brother being fancy free decided to come along as well. Did you ask them could you come along ? Even if you did being the only one with children on a holiday is crap. You'll want to eat early in family friendly restaurants and they may want to eat late in relatively posh places and stay out late. Even if you did go, it sounds like it would not be a fun experience for you.

Sounds to me like your siblings pretty much invited themselves along, maybe if you had said something at the time they would have made space? But waiting til the holiday had gone ahead and then feeling left out seems a bit like cutting your nose off to spite your face.

I think it’s pretty pathetic that grown adults don’t allow their parents autonomy to live out their lives without having to constantly factor in pandering to their whiny adult offspring.

Parents of adults are entitled to do what they like and with whomever they like and they shouldn’t have to ask anyone’s permission first.