Left out of family holiday

[Nmum21]

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

I wonder if she’s thinking that you expect her to do the research and booking?

Your DIL is inviting her family

Your DS doesn’t invite his family. It’s not your DIL’s fault

This was my thought too.

But of course it’s the woman’s fault.

Dominant DiL. All about her family.

Sure. And your DS is a limp lettuce who desperately wants to research and book a family holiday but his meanie wife says “no!”

Don't appreciate unpleasant remarks about my son. I have been deeply hurt and your comments are not helping. I understand Nmum21 and wish you well.

Heavens.

It's not a nice feeling being left out when everyone else is included especially if it's not just a one off thing. No one deserves to sit there wondering why they are not enough or why they are not included it's a horrible feeling, especially when you are the kind of person that would never do that to others.

Exactly this. Unless it's happened to you, I think you don't realise how it can hurt. I remember one Christmas when my entire family made plans which didn't involve me. It wasn't a deliberate exclusion - they just forgot about involving me.No back story - just overlooking me. That hurt more than if it had been deliberate.

It made me decide I would never ever rely on any family member for any celebration: I organised my own Christmases and birthday parties for significant or milestone birthdays, or other milestone celebrations. I never want to feel like an outcast from my own family again.

I hope you have some good friends and great times.

And I hope your DIL pulls herself together and books a family holiday for her husband’s family. Appalling she hasn’t already.

Lesssugarketchup seems a generally unpleasant person I wouldn’t even bother reading her/his comments as only here to cause a reaction I am sure. They must be very bored to spend so much of their time on mumsnet making rude comments to people on here. Feel a bit sorry for them as probably the most interesting part of their day!

Your son is perfectly capable of organising and booking a family holiday that includes you. So are you for that matter.
Stop putting blame on your DIL when your actual son could make the effort and book a holiday with you if he really wanted to. Like most men, he can’t be bothered and leaves it up to his partner to organise then hides behind her when his mum gets upset.

Lesssugarketchup seems a generally unpleasant person I wouldn’t even bother reading her/his comments as only here to cause a reaction I am sure. They must be very bored to spend so much of their time on mumsnet making rude comments to people on here. Feel a bit sorry for them as this is probably the most interesting part of their day.

It’s not unreasonable if they’d discussed it with you beforehand and explained their reasoning but it seems from your post that they haven’t. I’d be upset too but I also think I would have asked them beforehand as to the reason. Ask them when they are back and clear the air.

Nmum21
Have you managed to speak to your mum yet? Hope you managed to get your feelings heard and that she at least apologised.

Thank you Nmum21. Wishing you all the best.

NewStart2131
DiL clearly doesn't want to go on holiday with us, that's it. Not nice. I will just enjoy time with our son whenever we see them.

But given she seems to be the one who should arrange the holiday for her husband’s family… I don’t blame her. Especially with a MIL who is pissed off with her for going away with her own family but not arranging one for her grown-assed husband’s family.

and it’s “not nice” to not want to go on holiday with her husband’s family?

Well that rather depends on the husband’s family in question

And OP you don’t like the fact that I’ve pointed out that a usually loving supportive family that get together - would not ALL decided to go away without inviting you or even discussing with you and then plaster photos all over social media.

my point was - either multiple adults have all suddenly changed years of a loving relationship with you and all turned into thoughtless and quite cruel individuals
or
there’s a back story, which would explain why your parents and siblings have reasonably done this

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. What they did is cruel and if I were you I’d reduce contact as they sound toxic. They should have went just the two of them and waited until your children were old enough that they could enjoy a holiday with all of their children. But instead they chose to leave you out. If they had said to you that they just wanted to relax and wouldn’t mind if you came and didn’t except them to help with children you could have at least had the option. I would just start distancing from them all if they are the kind of people that feel it’s okay to leave you out of their plans.

my point was - either multiple adults have all suddenly changed years of a loving relationship with you and all turned into thoughtless and quite cruel individuals
or
there’s a back story, which would explain why your parents and siblings have reasonably done this

These aren't the only possibilities @Lesssugarketchup - the OP's family could be thoughtless and selfish.

Well isn’t that just option 1? But substituting selfish for “quite cruel”?😐

Or rather other way around

I am so petty I would ban them from hanging out from their grandchildren for some time for this. So mean of them