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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left out of family holiday

356 replies

Nmum21 · 24/06/2023 08:13

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nmum21 · 27/06/2023 20:44

Lesssugarketchup · 27/06/2023 16:35

Yes, if they did ask, it would be common courtesy to let the rest of the family know.

Not, as I suspect, if there is a backstory which means absolutely no one in this family wanted the Op to come and indeed very rarely socialise as a family if at all also because of the backstory

What on earth are you talking about - backstory? What is this backstory you are referring to as it is news to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nmum21 · 27/06/2023 20:48

Sausageeggschipsandbeans · 27/06/2023 17:30

In another thread by OP they mention parenting alone with two kids. But in this there is an indication of a partner.

Potentially the OP’s partner could be a point of a back story but who knows.

However, for all we know the parents booked a holiday that was just them (nothing wrong with that). OPs other siblings are now going but it’s not clear if they were inviting themselves or had been invited by parents.

Clearly this suggests that the parents / siblings have conspired to exclude the OP, which would be horrible. Or, this is a case of a lack of communication.

I don’t see any link between the exclusion of the OP being down to the children. Unless there is something that the OP hasn’t said.

Show quote history

Sorry what thread have I said this? I’m married and still with my husband?

OP posts:
Midli · 27/06/2023 20:52

Nmum21 · 27/06/2023 20:41

What a strange assumption. There is no backstory and we all get along well in previous years have all holidayed together with no issues! Hence why I am feeling left out!

Show quote history

this question that hasn’t been answered - is the accommodation an adults only hotel or a not child friendly villa/house ? I am actually quite invested to this topic now and want to know what is going on/will happen next. I am just guessing that they just wanted a child free holiday and that’s all so no reason to take it personally. Also I may be wrong but from what I read it seems like your sisters and brother just got tagged along to a holiday that your parents had booked for themselves So maybe they thought because you didn’t say “I want to come too” you didn’t want/couldn’t join them ?

Original poster
Nmum21 · 27/06/2023 21:04

Midli · 27/06/2023 20:52

this question that hasn’t been answered - is the accommodation an adults only hotel or a not child friendly villa/house ? I am actually quite invested to this topic now and want to know what is going on/will happen next. I am just guessing that they just wanted a child free holiday and that’s all so no reason to take it personally. Also I may be wrong but from what I read it seems like your sisters and brother just got tagged along to a holiday that your parents had booked for themselves So maybe they thought because you didn’t say “I want to come too” you didn’t want/couldn’t join them ?

Show quote history

It was a villa. They are back tomorrow so I will have a conversation with them about it. I wanted other peoples views on it before I speak to them as I wanted to make sure my emotions were not getting the better of me. I appreciate all of the different arguments on here although must admit I was a bit taken aback by some of them! Will update tomorrow.

OP posts:
Midli · 27/06/2023 21:11

Nmum21 · 27/06/2023 21:04

It was a villa. They are back tomorrow so I will have a conversation with them about it. I wanted other peoples views on it before I speak to them as I wanted to make sure my emotions were not getting the better of me. I appreciate all of the different arguments on here although must admit I was a bit taken aback by some of them! Will update tomorrow.

Show quote history

Just to mention a villa still can have a no children rule due to insurance cover. We were looking to book a villa in Greece as well and we booked initially one via a very popular travel booking accommodation website only to have our booking cancelled the next day by the host saying that they don’t allow children and that the website probably by accident didn’t filter them out. I really think and hope it’s just a miscommunication as I said to my previous post.

Dottymug · 27/06/2023 21:22

Weird how shocked some posters are that the OPs parents might not want their grandchildren on their once a year summer holiday in Greece. Stressing about possible balcony/pool/beach disasters, dealing with overheated , fractious toddlers and babysitting every other night so the parents can have lovely meals out are not many people's idea of ideal holiday pursuits.

Distract · 28/06/2023 00:15

Nmum21 · 27/06/2023 20:44

What on earth are you talking about - backstory? What is this backstory you are referring to as it is news to me!

Show quote history

OP that poster knows your back story better than you ;-)

Lilyburnspotts · 28/06/2023 01:10

Totally understand this OP. My parents are very fair but my in laws can be difficult at times. We got them vouchers for a meal, quite a bit of vouchers so they could have food and a few drinks. Anyway, the day we have them the vouchers, they invited SIL and partner to join them...in front of us. No mention of joining them. I was pretty pissed off, it's like we weren't in the room.

There was also mention on a holiday to Portugal for DH's sister's birthday last year and we were asked to go for the week. We thought it would be good until we realised we were invited but our kids weren't :/ SIL wasn't taking her kids either so everyone's going except us now and their kids. We don't get included in anything anymore really as we don't love to drink loads (and can't anyway with kids) so it's a bit hurtful sometimes.

coffeeeeeeeeepls · 28/06/2023 01:33

Lilyburnspotts · 28/06/2023 01:10

Totally understand this OP. My parents are very fair but my in laws can be difficult at times. We got them vouchers for a meal, quite a bit of vouchers so they could have food and a few drinks. Anyway, the day we have them the vouchers, they invited SIL and partner to join them...in front of us. No mention of joining them. I was pretty pissed off, it's like we weren't in the room.

There was also mention on a holiday to Portugal for DH's sister's birthday last year and we were asked to go for the week. We thought it would be good until we realised we were invited but our kids weren't :/ SIL wasn't taking her kids either so everyone's going except us now and their kids. We don't get included in anything anymore really as we don't love to drink loads (and can't anyway with kids) so it's a bit hurtful sometimes.

It is frustrating. It is hurtful to be excluded by your own parents. Hope they iron out it and make amends.
My MIL has one daughter and is very close to her. I don't expect MIL to treat me the same as I am not her daughter no matter how generous we are to her. I respect their relationship and feeling is mutual.
I have 2 daughters and 1 son all different ages and personalities and find it difficult at times to juggle things but always do my best to be fair. I could be seen as demanding and unfair at times and need to put myself in the other person's shoes to understand their point of view too .

Lesssugarketchup · 28/06/2023 05:53

Nmum21 · 27/06/2023 21:04

It was a villa. They are back tomorrow so I will have a conversation with them about it. I wanted other peoples views on it before I speak to them as I wanted to make sure my emotions were not getting the better of me. I appreciate all of the different arguments on here although must admit I was a bit taken aback by some of them! Will update tomorrow.

Show quote history

what did your partner think?

sodthesodoff · 28/06/2023 06:56

Good grief. As ever yes lots of possible reasons why they might not want the grandkids there. And they're all perfectly valid.

However as ever there's been no communication. That's the issue.

Surely a - hey op we're doing this adults only villa holiday. Know the kids can't get out of school. We'll do something nice with you guys soon etc wouldn't go amiss

As most parents would be horrified if they realised one of their kids felt left out like this? But to post happy fun pictures to the op rubs salt in the wound as it's like they haven't even realised she's not there.

It's shit behaviour from the parents. Not that they want a kids free holiday (and that's only our assumption. They haven't said this) but that they haven't acknowledged they have excluded one child.

Doidontimmm · 28/06/2023 07:17

If it was only 2 of them to begin why did they book such a big villa?

Lesssugarketchup · 28/06/2023 08:02

So the fact that no one in your family - no sibling or parent, thought to mention to you AND they are thoughtless enough to be posting family photos all over SM…. Came as a complete and total shock to you OP because there is absolutely no backstory and this is usually this is a loving and very close family?

sure

RandomisedRebel · 28/06/2023 09:46

My son is Autistic, non verbal and has learning disabilities. I'm often left out of family get togethers, so I understand the hurt. It would be nice to be asked, even if they said "it's adults only, can you get a sitter?" (Which isn't usually possible due to my son's complex needs)
The offer is always thoughtful. Even if they know I won't be able to make it.

TiredandHungry19 · 28/06/2023 10:09

YANBU to be upset. However I also suspect a backstory because I find your protesting against their posting photos of their holiday on social media to be extremely controlling and entitled. They are on holiday for god's sake, they are allowed to post photos! I also find it a bit weird you didn't take initiative to ask them about it when it actually happened rather than stew/upset yourself looking at the photos and wait to speak to them when they get back? Sounds like you are all terrible at communicating and perhaps you are known for having unreasonable expectations of them

Lollipop81 · 28/06/2023 13:56

Some of these comments. Other people’s children 😂😂 it’s their grandchildren, so many people would love a chance to go on holiday with their grandchildren. If they invited the rest of the family they should have invited you too. Think it is cruel they haven’t. They didn’t have to spend all day every day with you, but to be the only one excluded is unfair.

Mari9999 · 28/06/2023 14:29

@Lollipop81
If the OP is truly an adult, she will say to her parents " welcome.bsck, I hope that you had a great trip. "

As an adult ,she will recognize that she was not denied anything to which she was entitled. Her parents told her in advance that they were going on the trip. Had she been interested in going, that would have been the time to speak up. She chose not to speak uo, apparently her siblings did speak up.

A mature adult would be happy that the family members who traveled together appeared to have enjoyed their trip

I think it a bit immature to now say to the parents that she feels hurt because she was not included. She chose not to speak up as plans were being made and modified. Her siblings apparently felt and acted differently. She should own her behavior and not blame others for her inaction.

Kittycat37uk · 28/06/2023 15:42

It's not a nice feeling being left out when everyone else is included especially if it's not just a one off thing. No one deserves to sit there wondering why they are not enough or why they are not included it's a horrible feeling, especially when you are the kind of person that would never do that to others.

I feel like some of these mumsnetters are a little bit heartless and not very sensitive to other people's feelings and if that works for you on a daily basis great but some of us are not robots and we have human feelings and emotions and I think some of you have been very unfair to the op.

She's entitled to feel upset her feelings are valid I would also feel the same way and yes we are fully grown adults but thoughts and feelings don't dissappear just because you have become an adult.

Please do let us know how you get on op and sending hugs your way.

GavinStacey · 28/06/2023 16:07

Nmum21 really feel for you. My DiL keeps booking holidays with her family, actually booking one in front of me when they were staying with us. Try to rise above them and enjoy your children. I am so hurt by her but I have so much more to be thankful for.

Lesssugarketchup · 28/06/2023 16:28

GavinStacey · 28/06/2023 16:07

Nmum21 really feel for you. My DiL keeps booking holidays with her family, actually booking one in front of me when they were staying with us. Try to rise above them and enjoy your children. I am so hurt by her but I have so much more to be thankful for.

Anything to stop you booking a family holiday?

GavinStacey · 28/06/2023 16:55

It was after I mentioned possibility of a holiday that she sat and booked another in front of me, I can take a hint!

Lacucuracha · 28/06/2023 17:02

GavinStacey · 28/06/2023 16:55

It was after I mentioned possibility of a holiday that she sat and booked another in front of me, I can take a hint!

Could you ask your son?

They stay at yours but do they ever invite you to stay?

Twobyfour · 28/06/2023 17:07

Doidontimmm · 28/06/2023 07:17

If it was only 2 of them to begin why did they book such a big villa?

This!!!

SamW98 · 28/06/2023 17:17

GavinStacey · 28/06/2023 16:07

Nmum21 really feel for you. My DiL keeps booking holidays with her family, actually booking one in front of me when they were staying with us. Try to rise above them and enjoy your children. I am so hurt by her but I have so much more to be thankful for.

As in holidays for her, DH and their children? If that’s the case then why is them wanting their own holiday a problem?

I’ve only invited my parents on holiday with us once when my son was about 5 (he’s now 18) and even then they only came for the second week.

GavinStacey · 28/06/2023 17:19

Sorry don't want to divert from Nmum21 thread. Also don't want to divulge too many details but I know where I stand now, we hopefully have other opportunities with other family members.