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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

eating food without permission

606 replies

thecatswhiskrs · 20/06/2023 12:25

This is a long-running argument in our house and I'd love to get a sense from others of whether I (and my kids) are just being unreasonable....

DH has a habit of mooching around the kitchen looking for food. He feels that anything in the kitchen is (and should be) fair game. He gets very upset when we shout at him for eating something that we feel he shouldn't have or something that we feel he should have checked first.

Examples:

  • A child will have cooked some cookies for themselves and others to eat. The leave the tray on the counter to cool anticipating that lovely treat later and then come back to find their father has eaten a third of the tray before they've even offered.
  • A child will have made some food for their lunch. There will be leftovers and they will have mentally allocated these for their lunch the next day in school. They leave it in the fridge or somewhere to cool, come back and it's gone.
  • I am making dinner. It's nearly time to eat. I've planned the meal so that everyone has (for instance) 3 sausages and two bits of bacon. He comes in and nicks two bits of bacon from the pan right before we are about to eat.

He argues that he has paid for the all of the food in the kitchen and shouldn't have to ask for permission to eat it. If we have plans for some of it and haven't allowed enough to share then it's our fault for not making enough (we should just make lots more of everything to allow for others having some). He feels that we are not being generous and that (in spite of his best efforts to model generosity) we are all just being mean.

Are we being unreasonable (or just plain miserable!) to want him to at least check whose food it is and whether it has a destination before just eating it??

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 20/06/2023 12:26

He sounds like a wanker

GrumpyPanda · 20/06/2023 12:28

Is he being made to suffer the consequences? So in the dinner bacon example, does he have to miss out given that he took his share before dinner?

As to stealing a child's cookies, that's just heartless.

Mumof4plusbonus · 20/06/2023 12:30

It sounds like my dp. The kids and I also give off. So greedy and thoughtless.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 20/06/2023 12:31

YANBU basic manners to just check if food in the house/fridge is up for grabs.

Lovestodrinkmilk · 20/06/2023 12:32

If you are feeding him the same quanties as a woman or child, maybe you are underfeeding him. Maybe he should do the cooking.

JanesBlond · 20/06/2023 12:34

How can he not see that eating his child’s packed lunch is twat behaviour? I agree he needs to feel the consequences- he needs to make child a replacement lunch, he goes without his bacon in his dinner if he’s already eaten it, he needs to do the shopping and cooking to be having all this spare food around for him.

TyneTeas · 20/06/2023 12:35

Sounds to me like he is saying he is going to step up and plan, shop and cook from now on. Good news there OP!

TyneTeas · 20/06/2023 12:36

(except for the cookies, that is unreasonable)

FlickyCrumble · 20/06/2023 12:36

The examples you’ve cited are awful. How dare he? Just who does he think he is? Not sure how you stop his behaviour- snatch his food from him and tell him you cook so therefore you’re the boss of all food?

Humidititties · 20/06/2023 12:37

GrumpyPanda · 20/06/2023 12:28

Is he being made to suffer the consequences? So in the dinner bacon example, does he have to miss out given that he took his share before dinner?

As to stealing a child's cookies, that's just heartless.

If he's anything like my now ex DP, he would expect everyone else to have less and share their portion despite him already eating his share beforehand.

Dick

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 20/06/2023 12:38

We have a bowl of fruit and a cupboard of snacks that anyone can help themselves to, but everything else is firmly out of bounds. Nothing worse than going to the fridge and finding a key ingredient for tonight's dinner has been scoffed!

Theos · 20/06/2023 12:38

TyneTeas · 20/06/2023 12:35

Sounds to me like he is saying he is going to step up and plan, shop and cook from now on. Good news there OP!

This

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/06/2023 12:39

He sounds really selfish.

Yanbu.

BarbaraofSeville · 20/06/2023 12:39

I'm just waiting for the posters accusing the OP of 'starving the poor man in his own home', calling her abusive for shouting at him for eating all the food and telling her to 'just buy more food' if there isn't enough for him to eat as much as he wants and there be some left for others too.

Or has the cost of living crisis finally made people realise that few people have the budget to buy endless food to fill greedy selfish people like the OPs DH?

24Dogcuddler · 20/06/2023 12:39

Sounds like a student house share situation ! As for saying he paid for it all. No words.

Wereisit · 20/06/2023 12:40

My dh is a bit like this. I find it such an ick. He's a grown man with money and a car. Buy your own snacks!

CurlewKate · 20/06/2023 12:41

The way he talks about this sounds horrible, and I am not supporting him in the slightest. But is it obvious that the food in the fridge, for example, is intended for a packed lunch?

AtleastitsnotMonday · 20/06/2023 12:41

I'd make a new rule. Food belongs to the person who made it until that person offers it to another or declares 'help yourself'. If unsure ask.
If he eats his portion of food whilst it's being cooked then this isn't compensated for- you can't have your cake and eat it. If your dp wants to then substitute this with more food that's fine but he needs to prepare this.

I would get busy with a sharpie labelling things that he needs to keep his hands off.

barbarahunter · 20/06/2023 12:41

What a greedy selfish and nasty pig. It is not ok to steal the food earmarked for others, and as for taking his own child's lunch! ... Do you work, OP?

CurlewKate · 20/06/2023 12:42

I hope when you served the supper, he didn't get any bacon....

dartsofcupid · 20/06/2023 12:43

interesting logic, where does it end? I paid for the toilet roll so wipe your bum on a curtain?

RedRobyn2021 · 20/06/2023 12:43

DismantledKing · 20/06/2023 12:26

He sounds like a wanker

This

I have many choice names, but we will go with this one

changeyerheadworzel · 20/06/2023 12:49

Fucker sounds starving. If he thinks you are not making enough food to go round he needs to cook for himself, as much as he likes and then he will have nothing to complain about.

fridaynight1 · 20/06/2023 12:50

The last scenario is easy. He's had his bacon so he get's none on his plate.

Brings a whole new meaning to him 'bringing home the bacon' 😀

itshotontheplayground · 20/06/2023 12:51

TyneTeas · 20/06/2023 12:35

Sounds to me like he is saying he is going to step up and plan, shop and cook from now on. Good news there OP!

absolutely!