eating food without permission

[thecatswhiskrs]

This is a long-running argument in our house and I'd love to get a sense from others of whether I (and my kids) are just being unreasonable....

DH has a habit of mooching around the kitchen looking for food. He feels that anything in the kitchen is (and should be) fair game. He gets very upset when we shout at him for eating something that we feel he shouldn't have or something that we feel he should have checked first.

Examples:

• A child will have cooked some cookies for themselves and others to eat. The leave the tray on the counter to cool anticipating that lovely treat later and then come back to find their father has eaten a third of the tray before they've even offered.
• A child will have made some food for their lunch. There will be leftovers and they will have mentally allocated these for their lunch the next day in school. They leave it in the fridge or somewhere to cool, come back and it's gone.
• I am making dinner. It's nearly time to eat. I've planned the meal so that everyone has (for instance) 3 sausages and two bits of bacon. He comes in and nicks two bits of bacon from the pan right before we are about to eat.

He argues that he has paid for the all of the food in the kitchen and shouldn't have to ask for permission to eat it. If we have plans for some of it and haven't allowed enough to share then it's our fault for not making enough (we should just make lots more of everything to allow for others having some). He feels that we are not being generous and that (in spite of his best efforts to model generosity) we are all just being mean.

Are we being unreasonable (or just plain miserable!) to want him to at least check whose food it is and whether it has a destination before just eating it??

He argues that he has paid for the all of the food in the kitchen and shouldn't have to ask for permission to eat it.

He scoffs the poor kids baking then comes out with this shite? What a knobber.

Even if you weren’t cooking allotted numbers of sausages and bacon, just a general big panful, it’s rude to lean in and pinch it out of the pan – a proper tomcat spraying move. Just wait until someone says “tea time” or “time to sit up to table” or “all-y in” or whatever the phrase is in your house. Does he have bad table manners as well? Reaching over to serving dishes and grabbing things before they’re offered/everyone is seated/someone’s still carving the chicken and his fingers are in there getting in the way/karate-chopping the stack of poppadoms into shards before anyone can stop him?

I've never understood the issue with expecting someone from the age of about 4 upward to ask if they can have something if they're not sure.

So, "are you saving that for something?", "Dc can I have one of your cookies?"

But apparently that's controlling and tantamount to inducing an eating disorder in your family member in some households. Takes all sorts.

He's a thoughtless prick

the kids won’t get it so not referring to the cookies but can’t you cook a bit more than the bare minimum or are you struggling money wise with meals etc ? If the last then obviously he needs to control himself . If not then maybe he is still hungry and maybe cook a bit extra ? Or maybe get him to do the meals a few days and see if he can deal with portion control himself ?

I missed how old the children are but i wouldn't give kids same size portion as an adult. Obviously adults need more food. Unless they are bigger teenagers ofcourse.

Cookies and kids lunch there is absolutely no excusing.

Well in our household we do this thing called sharing, so if someone bakes cookies or a cake etc., it's shared and everyone can have some. There's none of this selfish pathetic, "I baked it so it's mine" business. Goodness me, being Irish, I find this whole attitude horrifying. We're culturally very hospitable people and when we bake or cook, we actually get-off on others eating it lol !!

This! ⬆️ Just this.

Selfish twat. Clearly has no regard for his family. I'd definitely call him out on it every time & if he nicks food about to be dished up then it comes from his allocation.

4 people in the house he takes a third of the cookies without mentioning it to anyone else. That means he had more than his share. Taking cookies 🍪 out of his kids mouth.

So if he is given less on his plate because he had already had some Op, what does he do?

But obviously not everyone can have some if people are selfish like OP’s DH and take more than their fair share at the expense of other people’s portions.

YANBU, he is being a selfish twat.

The lunch left overs is a communication failure. Stick a label on it. The actual lunch box is not communication failure its clear what a lunchbox is for. Left overs though are not as clear.

Cookies is greed and lack of care for others. Dh would do this to be honest but would also then bake more as he would realise what he had done.

The sausage bacon thing would be met with a "slapped" hand in our house (not hard but in a oyy hands off type of way) if he still did so less on his plate.

If dh told me he had paid for something when I was a sahm I'd sharply have pointed out I was facilitating him being able to pay for it .. dh never did though as he is not a Dick. Your dh sounds like he is

So you'd be fine if you baked a cake for friends coming round and your OH scoffed if before they arrived?

He sounds like a greedy wanker to me.

I'm sure the friends would understand.

Unless they weren't Irish,in which case they'd know he was a selfish pig.

I find it “horrifying” you think it’s ok to take more and leave others without which is what he’s doing. Pretty sure in school, they teach kids to share equally, not to take more so someone has less.

Errrm I'm Irish and none of my family are selfish greedy bastards.

Even us Irish can use the manners we were raised with and simply check before grabbing 🙄

Why can't he just eat other snacks, surely there is something else to eat in the house or he could make himself a sandwich?

I actually can't stand self entitled arseholes like this. He needs a muzzle and to stop being so bloody greedy!

YANBU. He is.

What it shows is that he doesn't take any trouble to notice what other people in his own family are doing.

It shows such carelessness and thoughtlessness.

Greedy, selfish man.

@ReadingSoManyThreads - my ex's father was an Irish man and greedy abusive bugger.

What little they had, he made sure he had the lion's share and more.

He was just a greedy bastard mind, nothing to do with his nationality.

I only voted YABU because no one should be shouted at for eating food ever.

You obviously need a better system than “mentally allocating” and leaving food lying around to communicate which food is free and which is reserved.

The you must ask permission to eat is not a viable solution, unless your husbands name is Oliver Twist.

I understand that you may need a different approach if you or members of your family have struggled with an eating disorder, but surely the vast majority of people can treat food as any other commodity.

There's X's bike. I want to use it to go out. I wonder if they need it today? "X can I use your bike?"

There's the left overs from last night. I wonder if X is planning on taking them into work for lunch tomorrow? "X do you want these left overs or can I have them?"

We don't feel like we have to label anything else just in case someone else in the family takes it. Why label food when we can easily and quickly ask?

God knows most of us do those calculations in our heads easily enough. 6 packets of crisps in the bag = no problem to help myself. 2 packets of crisps in the bag = better check they weren't earmarked for lunches tomorrow. 4 bananas in the bowl = have at it. 1 banana in the bowl = Dh has a banana for breakfast so I'll have something else. I don't need a post it note.