Dream being shattered by husband, how to cope?

[WanderlustLost]

I'm looking for advice on how to cope when you are being held back from your achievable dream.

I want to move out of the area we live in. We made a strategic move to an expensive area with a large mortgage for schools.

We planned (I thought) to only be here while our child attends school (5-7years) and then move out of the area.

We live in our home town and for as long as I remember I wanted to move, I don't like where we live although it's very popular, I want to live in the country.

He has now said he doesn't want to move.

This now means a huge mortgage over our heads until 68!

It also means being stuck in a house neither of us are particularly fond of.

It means I will never get out of this town.

He doesn't like moving, the packing, the paying the solicitor and the estate agent for their services and he doesn't want to be far from work even though moving would allow for him to retire early.

If I try and talk to him he just gets angry and then doesn't talk to me for days but I can't cope with the idea of living here forever.

What would you do, how would you manage the feeling of loss that losing an achievable dream brings?

I'm gutted and while I'm hiding my feelings from our children the older ones know what this means to me and are angry with their dad (he told me in front of them and I've spoken for years about the long term goal). It's their dream too.

Right now I want to curl up in bed and hide, I'm not obviously but I feel like what is the point. We will work out guts out till we die for what? A house we don't like in a place we hate.

My ADHD husband unconfirmed but classic. I called it chicken licken syndrome. Don't underestimate the fear panic he suffers but on occasion I just had to power through because he's anti change. From a teeshirt pair of shorts that are falling apart to a house move it's a challenge.

The 'unhappy for so long' excuse for an affair is part of a well-worn script used by cheaters.

It serves the purpose of deflecting responsibility for cheating onto the betrayed spouse.

It is also a script cheaters use to justify what they're doing when looking at themselves in the mirror becomes difficult.

If he was u happy in the marriage for ages, he should have talked about that with you. The default response to unhappiness in a marriage isn't an affair.

He sounds a lot like my husband and I've learnt along the years to present things to him almost fait accompli. It's not so much that he doesn't want to do it but he can't see past the process which is too over whelming.

If we get a new car, I do the research, test drives, finances, etc, then present him with some paperwork to sign.

When we moved house (something he absolutely did not want to do), I put our house on the market and said I was moving, up to him if he came with me. I did everything, he didn't know which house we'd bought until we went to let the gas engineer in to do a safety check! (House was unoccupied). It didn't take him long to fall in love with the new house and admit he'd been wrong.

@Bintle
Why assume the children will go to uni, it's not the be all end all and can landvstudentsvwith horrendous loans)debts. Uni isn't the only way forward and there are many at uni who suffer anxiety, stress, suicide, drop out, don't get a job/career that has any relation to their degree etc.
It's fine for some but not the only way to earn a good living.

To be honest, I couldn't live with him if he is not willing to compromise. You can't sacrifice yourself. I've been in an unhappy state like that before, the thought of not being able to change things to become happy with my own life is unthinkable. I would have to live by myself if I was going to be unhappy for life.

I want to but I don't want to leave him and I don't want to bulldoze him into something he doesn't want because that isn't fair either.

In the specific scenario you describe, I would think fuck it and bulldoze him.

This is your dream, not anyone else's dream

If you want to do it, do it !

Stop making excuses that X or Y or Z are stopping you