About being on the couch together?

[ThatsNotMyFootrest]

DP is making grumblings about us not ‘having any cuddles or quality time together’ if I sit a certain way on the couch.

He likes to be full on snuggled up at all times. His preferred way is him sitting normally (as in feet on the floor, facing forward) and me sitting with my back against him and legs up on the couch. See picture for reference.

I prefer to sit at the other end of the couch (it’s a 2 seater so we aren’t miles apart) and he will lift my feet into his lap or I will sort of tuck them under. He will also stretch out his hand to be held along the back of the sofa IYSWIM so we are always touching still

I actually find his way fine if we are listening to music or chatting but it hurts my neck having to sort of look to the side to watch the TV.

He now seems offended and complains we don’t cuddle anymore as I have been sitting my way more often.

for context we don’t live together and only see each other 2 times a week.

YABU my way is definitely not quality time together
YANBU being comfortable is important and it’s still quality time.

To answer some other random stuff:
it’s not a new relationship 3+years
he doesn’t seem controlling to me in any other ways. Never asks where I am etc
we do go to sleep apart but when we are awake he likes to be cuddling in bed yes. Has recently been unhappy that I have been preoccupied with my phone first thing instead - there might be a bit of an issue brewing there as I wake an hour or so before him.

😂

Thanks, I appreciate that! I hate running so saved me the hassle.

Oh god.

I was sort of hoping everyone would tell me I’m BU and I need to be more affectionate to the poor thing.

Nope not for me love my DH but I also like sitting down on my own chair he lounges out on the sofa on rare occasions we may sit together but would hate it if he dictated how he wanted me to sit in evenings 🤣

I really couldn’t stand this. Too needy.

My argument has been that I am spending time with him. We spend hours chatting and get along so well but for him, if it doesn’t involve physical contact it’s not fully quality time in his mind.

Regardless of our difference in physical contact needs I find that quite insulting.

Is he a feathery stroker in bed?

<shudder>

This is quite interesting for me. My DH is a bit like this. He wants to be stroked all the time like a bloody cat.

It drives me mad. I really don’t get it.

He doesn’t try to make me strike him though - just is very grateful when I deign to.

Actually hilarious 🤣

It’s the 5 Love Languages. His is a definite ‘Physical Touch’

Ick is the only word for it. I have the ick on your behalf. I would LTB.

He sounds like a barnacle. I would have the ick if DH behaved like this.

Buy him a cockapoo

Heebie jeebies aside, he makes me angry.

He expects to sit on the sofa as designed, in a way which is comfortable and supportive for him, and to watch TV straight on, as is best for his posture and eyesight.

He expects you to contort yourself into an uncomfortable position, which is damaging long-term, and to have a subpar viewing experience, all because he wants you draped around him as his personal blankie / teddy / sex-doll / comfort human.

How does he sit to watch TV with his male family members and his male friends? That should reveal what his real needs for human touch are. The rest is misogynist entitlement.

My exdh used to dictate how I sat on the sofa. Wasn't allowed to sit anywhere else, had to sit in the same spot and he would always be stretched out with he feet on my lap. Even when I was heavily pregnant.
(He would drink to much and fall asleep so I would paint his toe nails) but it is one of the many, many reasons why I left him.

Have you told him it hurts you and maybe suggest other ways to sit?

Imagine having someone telling you how you should sit on a sofa…..

How old is he? Sounds immature and needy to me.

But he's so NEEDY and controlling

Is he like this ONLY about cuddling on the sofa?

😂

DH has been playing this game with me recently, OMFG it drives me crazy

I just wanna watch Indian matchmaker and have done with it

Oh god - I did actually shudder reading this. Does he have a special soft voice that he does too?

Sorry OP, your poor bloke, I'm sure he's lovely but i have to say I'm with PP here, it sounds a bit much.

I’ve not really classed this as controlling. He hasn’t demanded I sit like this.

he’s just made it clear he’d rather I cuddle in. Sometimes he doesn’t mention it when I sit apart but at the end of the night he will comment that we’ve not had any quality time or snuggles. I told him the other night that we’d been together and had plenty of physical contact but he said he’d basically been my foot rest and there wasn’t anything in that for him

Oh no please don’t make me examine his little voices too

My thoughts exactly, ILS!

This! Let him be the uncomfortable one with the neck crick!

He just wants to get out of rubbing your feet. Ask him to massage your shoulders and he’ll be ok with you at the other end of the sofa soon enough 😂