About being on the couch together?

[ThatsNotMyFootrest]

DP is making grumblings about us not ‘having any cuddles or quality time together’ if I sit a certain way on the couch.

He likes to be full on snuggled up at all times. His preferred way is him sitting normally (as in feet on the floor, facing forward) and me sitting with my back against him and legs up on the couch. See picture for reference.

I prefer to sit at the other end of the couch (it’s a 2 seater so we aren’t miles apart) and he will lift my feet into his lap or I will sort of tuck them under. He will also stretch out his hand to be held along the back of the sofa IYSWIM so we are always touching still

I actually find his way fine if we are listening to music or chatting but it hurts my neck having to sort of look to the side to watch the TV.

He now seems offended and complains we don’t cuddle anymore as I have been sitting my way more often.

for context we don’t live together and only see each other 2 times a week.

YABU my way is definitely not quality time together
YANBU being comfortable is important and it’s still quality time.

It sounds like what he needs is more intimacy. He wants to be close to you. Are ye physically close other than when ye watch TV? Not including sex? Maybe change it to watching a movie in bed once a week and have a much comfier time then lol. (Bring a laptop up if there's no room on the bed). Really just sounds like he wants to be close to you

Ya'll are ruthless 🤣🤣🤣

So his love language is you getting a sore neck? I suggest you institute a blanket rule that you do not stare sideways at the tv. ‘Shall we watch something tonight?’ ‘That depends, there isn’t time to watch something and snuggle and remember I won’t twist my neck for an hour.

He’s been watching too many DFS adverts.

I don’t think the living together/living apart thing is relevant. I have been with my bf for 3 years, live apart (LDR). He has never expressed any preference over the level of touching or ‘snuggles’ <boak>. It just happens as it happens and I can’t imagine having to even think about sitting in a certain way to please him.

My question is why haven’t u moved the relationship on after 3+ years together? Just twice a week seeing each other and not even going out? If he has got worse lately is it because he is feeling insecure about the relationship? Have u actually discussed the future?
maybe you are starting to feel like u want out??

I have to say my dh and I have different sofas but once I’m a while we have snuggles! I also hate snuggles in bed and don’t agree to that other than once I’m a while but I am a very cuddly touchy person at other times, just need my space. When I’m on my phone in bed I sometimes touch his arm so he doesn’t feel left out but I like that too, so it’s a mural thing.

I hope you get some clarity on what is the best way forward?

Exactly this.
He wouldn’t be sat on my sofa full stop.

@ShowUs

pretty much this.

I can't believe the replies on this thread. Wanting to cuddle your partner, especially, when you only spend two evenings a week together, seems perfectly reasonable to me (& doesn't make him a human teddy, cockapoo or a wet wipe)

Similar to me. Touch is our "love language". Obviously if she wants space I will give it to her and vice versa, but generally, we're affectionate people and physical touch is what we both thrive from.

Be more fun if he was a cat! (Mine just crawled into my lap as I started typing. I’ll put up with lying uncomfortably for her, but never for a human.) 😻

😂😂😂😂😂

You need to seriously consider if you want to be in this relationship. You don't even live together. Things get magnified when you live together. If he's irritating now, he'll be impossible to live with in the future.

Run OP, Run!

I still with my legs up on the sofa. DH sits in a chair. I would cringe if he felt we had to be touching all the time.

No way, I'd be sitting like that. How annoying, I'd get him a blow up doll and squirt it with your perfume let him cosy up with that

So what relevance did your post have to OP's situation?

She is touched out & overwhelmed by her b/f need to be constantly welded to her. He's not listening to her expressing her discomfort, & he makes her emotionally uncomfortable when she refuses to be made physically uncomfortable by him.

Grand for you that you & DW are of one accord & believe in reductive hokum like "love languages". Doesn't help OP though, does it? If she'd posted about getting car sick, & her b/f refusing to make accommodations for it, would you have gleefully posted to inform her that YOU & your DW don't get car sick? What is the point of it?

Nah I was responding to the person who asked me a question in relation to my relevant response to the OP. And by the way if you're being mean cos you think I'm a creepy guy, I'm a woman.

@DeltaAlphaDelta79 us too- !!

Your sex had nowt to do with it.

I don’t know how long you have been together but everybody is different and comprising is the way to a lasting relationship. My husband and I are different but I am aware he needs a more tactical relationship and I have learned this through out our time together and we are still together 43 years later. Some people just need more cuddles.

I appreciate you say he doesn’t ‘demand’ that you touch… however having been in an abusive relationship my ex never demanded anything either…. He used to sulk or make comments on my behaviour to change it to suit him more…. You end up putting their wants first and mine didn’t matter…. if we didn’t have sex for more than 3 nights he’d ask me if was having an affair or had gone off him, so I had to ensure I satisfied that insecurity too, if I went out and came back and told him I loved him I’d get “are you saying that because you’re guilty of something?!’
He always spun it as being because he lived me SO much and never wanted to loose me. We also always had to sit on the same couch.. unless he didn’t want to of course! It happened gradually and I couldn’t see it…. Only looking back can I see the signs. It’s good you don’t live together as you get evenings to yourself.

Will he not be content with you just hand holding or hand on thigh on the sofa?

She’s not being mean, she’s asked how your initial comment was relevant to the OP’s situation. Which is a very fair question that you haven’t answered.

How annoying. I wonder how DW really feels about your neediness.

Yikes 😂
Half the time we don't even sleep in the same bed cos I have insomnia and he works a very physical job so I let him have the whole bed.
We have a corner sofa and sit at opposite ends.
Your partner sounds like my cocker spaniel, have to be touching at all times 😂