About being on the couch together?

[ThatsNotMyFootrest]

DP is making grumblings about us not ‘having any cuddles or quality time together’ if I sit a certain way on the couch.

He likes to be full on snuggled up at all times. His preferred way is him sitting normally (as in feet on the floor, facing forward) and me sitting with my back against him and legs up on the couch. See picture for reference.

I prefer to sit at the other end of the couch (it’s a 2 seater so we aren’t miles apart) and he will lift my feet into his lap or I will sort of tuck them under. He will also stretch out his hand to be held along the back of the sofa IYSWIM so we are always touching still

I actually find his way fine if we are listening to music or chatting but it hurts my neck having to sort of look to the side to watch the TV.

He now seems offended and complains we don’t cuddle anymore as I have been sitting my way more often.

for context we don’t live together and only see each other 2 times a week.

YABU my way is definitely not quality time together
YANBU being comfortable is important and it’s still quality time.

Made me laugh, whilst my cockapoo is tightly curled up next to me!

Same 😂

Having mulled this over further, I would say that I'd happily cuddle a dog on the sofa, so I clearly prefer dogs to men. My ex husband was always very jealous of the dog.

I also think that you sound lovely, @ThatsNotMyFootrest and I can see why you were happily single, as you'd never be short of friends.

"Snuggles" ought to realise how lucky he is, rather than counting the seconds you spend being physically affectionate in the ways that he thinks matter.

Grand so.

His actual g/f doesn't. So how does you thinking otherwise help?

Obviously it is that much of an issue, as OP HAS put a post up.

And you are the 3rd PP in just half a dozen posts to cry "just talk to him!" as if she hasn't already - exhaustively, to no avail. It's right there in her updates.

Poor wee man needs affection. So very sad. He’ll hopefully grow up.

I think he just needs a good shag. Give him a good seeing to and then I’m sure he won’t care where you sit 🤣 of course, assuming you want to shag him.

@SmallFerret thank u for your message. Although there is no need for capital letters and whilst it is very thoughtful of u to tell me I’m the third person to tell her to talk to him, there is no need for that either as I too am able to see all the posts.

He’s waaaay too needy for it to be attractive. YANBU.

Well it's not nice to feel rejected by your partner so might be nice to find some middle ground. Thats all I was meaning...maybe at some point in their relationship she will want him to do something for her that's not a priority for him. Just people are complex, have needs and generally don't like feeling rejected. So if you love someone it's nice to help make them feel happy.
I'm not suggesting she sits like a contortionist all night to make him happy...just find something that works for both of them.

That was a response to small ferret btw.👍

"Is he a feathery stroker in bed?"

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Surely, you just say, "I love to be close, but this TV position hurts my neck after a while."
& I am not your blankie 🤣

Strange. I have two sofas. I sit on one, he sits on the other. We don't need to be sat together.

He wants to put his head in your lap? Ughhhh.

I can't stand being hung on to. I am demonstrably affectionate but can't cope with feeling restricted by it. I'm not a pet or a toy. I don't want a great big hairy man head on my lap while I'm watching tv. Get off ffs.

Bleurgh. Sounds like you're dating my cat op.

I'm with you OP, I'm affectionate but not someone who seeks to be touching at all times, so I would feel quite claustrophobic. He sounds maybe a little insecure? You mentioned that he doesn't like you being on your phone even though you wake an hour before him. Are you supposed to just watch him sleep? It seems very needy.

You both have different ways of demonstrating affection, so neither of you are wrong, but one of you will always be feeling either shorthanded or suffocated no matter which way you look at it.

I'm with your husband, when I'm on the couch with my DW I like to be touched and caressed the whole time.

Except the posts where OP describes how she has talked to him?

Interesting that you don't mention how DW feels about that ...

😂😂😂😂

Jesus Christ. This thread is not that deep. The guy just wants a cuddle. Lighten up. She doesn't need counselling and to leave him over this.

Has he had many relationships before you?
It sounds like he has an idea of what a relationship should look like based on what he's seen on the telly - sitting that way or head in lap - it's not generally what happens in real life in a long term relationship (although I'm not privy to everyone's private life)
However it wouldn't be an issue if you liked it but clearly you don't so it's an issue.

Also you say he doesn't demand that you do this and no he doesn't actually do that, however he doesn't have to make outright demands for you to know what he wants and expects of you.
Control happens in lots of ways. Not saying that he's controlling as I don't know him, however you do as he wants because otherwise he starts 'something'.

And you can't outright say what you want and don't like because he won't take it well.

I would rethink this relationship

More recently I have been feeling a bit “touched out” and a little like my need for actual physical space between us occasionally is coming second to him being allowed to express his love language.

'Touched out' is a term usually used when one is breastfeeding a newborn baby and/ or very young children who are literally dependent on you and your body for life.
NOT a live out lover.

The entire time?!