to think most blended family situations are unhappy

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From my experience of many decades as a secondary school tutor, I would say most of the time when children talk about step parents, there is tension and misery ( from the children's point of view, not necessarily the parents)

I am going to say 75% of situations are unhappy, by which I mean most of the children are somewhat unhappy, or one or more child is very unhappy, or the situation breaks down because of parent or child unhappiness. Breakdown could mean the relationship between parents breaks down, or the relationship between a child and step parent breaks down to the extent a teen becomes homeless, or moves out

So to answer this, you probably need to know at least 4 blended family situations reasonably well, yours as a child, parent, or other people's.

I am expecting that some parents will vote that it is happy, when that isn't accurate, as I am aware this is quite common, and the child has a very different feeling than the parent.

However, I will be pleased if I cam completely wrong about this, and lots mare happy! I just dont see it in teaching.

YABU - less than 75% are unhappy
YANBU - 75% or more are unhappy

@Vegetus good for you

This just goes around in circles doesn’t it. Step parents or even the biological parent refuse to admit that in a lot of cases the child at minimum resents the set up and worst case is mentally harmed or sometimes physically.

You can ask your child till you are blue in the face if they are ok and happy. Some will be honest and others will tell you what you want to hear because it’s not terrible but it’s not great either, some won’t tell you because it’s not worth the argument.

So it’s amazing if your blended family is truly amazing and working and everyone is genuinely happy. That however doesn’t cancel out the many many child currently and adults who once were the children who it really really didn’t work for.

Us sharing our harm or experience shouldn’t be terrible for you because yours is great…. Only bad blended families should find it offensive that the fact its majority isn’t great is actually spoken about 😉

@OhmygodDont

Your perspective is valid. It sounds like you have had a hard time

I think people entering blended family set ups are far more emotionally intelligent now. Especially because they are very likely to have been step children themselves.

I know that my (positive) experience of being a step child has influenced how I parent my own child, as well as my stepchildren

My experience and that of my friends who had a step parent are that we wouldn’t enter a blended family situation. It’s not something we consider worth the risk.

But again we all have medium/large family’s and have no interest in having more children with another partner either, most of us taken steps to make sure we couldn’t either of our current marriages did break down or those that have, have kept the new partner away from the children for a good few years and don’t intend to live together till the children have left home.

The step brother was a year older than the girl (she was 13).
He sexually assaulted her.
The parents did nothing.
It was awful.

I think some of the parents are in denial about how unhappy their children are.

We’re going through a really tough time right now. I don’t want to give the details but DH is devastated at the way his kids are acting towards him and they literally won’t tell him what he’s done ‘wrong’. We genuinely can’t work it out and they won’t say. He’s so anxious and stressed right now and he’s not sleeping. I just don’t know what to do. His ex is no use and won’t help whatsoever, it’s so difficult. He used to see them fortnightly but he now hasn’t seen them in 4 weeks as they’re refusing to come. It’s come from nowhere.

I think it is important to remember that kids can be hard work particularly when they are teenagers so family life isn't always the Waltons even without being blended families.

What strikes me is how unusual it is for someone to say, I entered into a blended family set up and in hindsight my children were unhappy and it wasn't a good decision. The children of blended families on the other hand seen to be a mix of those who found it good and bad.

It's a discrepancy which shows that there is at least a small minority of parents who are in denial or oblivious to their children's feelings.

The only thing this thread is proving is how much families differ from one another.

In that case you haven't read it properly.