Page 7 | Wedding drama

Emotionalstorm · 2023-04-04T00:16:22+00:00

I am the maid of honour for a friend I've known since primary school. She has planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6. She is having three weddings, one in the US and two big ones in London (one will include everyone and the second will include only close friends). I am expected to be in attendance or helping her from 6am that day till the wedding ends in the early hours of the next morning. My husband will be coming with my daughter who just turned three for the church bit from 10am till the end of dinner. She is the flower girl so she cannot come any later. She normally takes her nap at 1pm for approximately one hour after lunch. I know the bride was offered a honeymoon suite so asked if my daughter could nap there for one hour during one of the intermissions. She seemed very upset and said no. I didn't take it personally and moved on quickly and booked a hotel room nearby in another building. I figured that she wouldn't be using it at that time (she will be taking wedding photos) so it may not be a big deal but I didn't expect her to feel so insulted. She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am. She shouldn't have even been put in such an awkward position. Also she kept emphasising that it's called the honeymoon suite for a reason and recounts the story every time we meet up as a group. I asked without thinking and I apologised. I was not offended or upset when she said no but she won't really let this go. She asked me what kind of tone deaf best friend would ask for the a newly wed couple's honeymoon suite. I feel like a jerk but I don't know what I can do since I've already apologised. I've also organised & spent over two thousand pounds on her hen night. It had all of her dream activities in and she said it was perfect. I paid for my own bridesmaid dress because she said that the wedding is costing a lot so I offered to cover my own costs so as to not be a burden. I have also been at her beck and call without complaints re the wedding planning for two years. I've attended monthly meetings with her so I've also given up a lot of my time. Am I being unreasonable to think that she should just accept my apology and move on. I was thoughtless. I've learned my lesson. I don't know what else she wants from me.

ShandaLear · 04/04/2023 07:59

It’s indicative of the kind of person she is that she wouldn’t let a three year old, presumably three year old she loves and is very close to since she has an important role at the wedding, to have a nap for an hour in her room. That’s actually pretty mean of her. It’s a honeymoon suite, not some sort of sex dungeon. Rather than her being angry with you, you should be getting angry with her. She has rinsed you in this ridiculous overwrought, OTT wedding fiasco, won’t let your DD have a nap for an hour in her room and therefore costing you even more money, and then has the nerve to embarrass you in public about a simple request that wouldn’t inconvenience her in any way. I would not apologise and if she brings it up again I’d straight up say, ‘You are being ridiculous. I wanted an hour for DD at a time you wouldn’t be using it and instead you’ve let me incur yet more expense, and continue to try to humiliate me in front of other people. I have bent over backwards for you, listened to endless wedding talk, bought my own and DDs outfits and accessories, and paid for you on your hen night, and you still can’t be pleasant about a simple request. Hopefully once these weddings are over we’ll start to see the real you again, because the real you would never have said no to letting a little kid have a nap in her room’.

HarrietStyles · 04/04/2023 08:00

The problem with just keeping your mouth shut to get through the weddings, in the hope she will return to normal afterwards…….. is that she’ll probably get pregnant 6 months after the wedding. Then all she will want to talk about is her pregnancy and her magical baby, that is the most important baby that was ever due to be born in the whole world. You will be having 9 monthly meetings to plan her baby shower for her, which will include you paying for more than your fair share again.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/04/2023 08:01

ShandaLear · 04/04/2023 07:59

It’s indicative of the kind of person she is that she wouldn’t let a three year old, presumably three year old she loves and is very close to since she has an important role at the wedding, to have a nap for an hour in her room. That’s actually pretty mean of her. It’s a honeymoon suite, not some sort of sex dungeon. Rather than her being angry with you, you should be getting angry with her. She has rinsed you in this ridiculous overwrought, OTT wedding fiasco, won’t let your DD have a nap for an hour in her room and therefore costing you even more money, and then has the nerve to embarrass you in public about a simple request that wouldn’t inconvenience her in any way. I would not apologise and if she brings it up again I’d straight up say, ‘You are being ridiculous. I wanted an hour for DD at a time you wouldn’t be using it and instead you’ve let me incur yet more expense, and continue to try to humiliate me in front of other people. I have bent over backwards for you, listened to endless wedding talk, bought my own and DDs outfits and accessories, and paid for you on your hen night, and you still can’t be pleasant about a simple request. Hopefully once these weddings are over we’ll start to see the real you again, because the real you would never have said no to letting a little kid have a nap in her room’.

Absolutely agree. Well put, a toddler having a nap whilst bride is socialising is not unreasonable

ColdAsAWitchsTit · 04/04/2023 08:02

I think your approach going forward is the right one @Emotionalstorm I hope she has been grateful for everything you have done including her very generous hen weekend? It would be appalling if the only feedback you have had is the nonsense over the room.

FlamingoQueen · 04/04/2023 08:02

I know many have said it on here, but please don’t take any more nonsense from your friend. If she can’t even let your dd have a quick nap in the middle of it all, then that’s bad. If you were asking for your dd to spend the night in her room, that’s bad form, but your friend is just being a bitch.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 04/04/2023 08:06

When I read threads like this I know now why I don’t have loads of friends because the 2nd time she went on about asking to use the bridal suite I would’ve said stop being a dick I’ve already apologised once .
that’s the problem people say oh shes my oldest friends/ she’s stressed hopefully she will go back to normal after this no she won’t because she’s a twat and you are a pushover . You don’t call her out on her behaviour and you choose to ignore it but this time you asked her to use the room for a hour not unreasonable for a best friend and she’s reacting like you actually want your child to stay the night .
so now you see all her rude bad behaviour. Like others have said she’s no friend and she won’t change until someone starts telling her .

diddl · 04/04/2023 08:07

So is she already married?

Can't quite figure it out!

If this weekend is the actual wedding I might go.

If she's already married I might pop along just to see friends.

I certainly wouldn't be going to anything else.

America because one relly can't get over?

I wouldn't do that even if it wasn't costing me anything.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 04/04/2023 08:08

I’m glad you have an ideal husband who earns pots of money and doesn’t mind you spending thousands of pounds on someone he doesn’t like. Hang on to him.

AlexiaR · 04/04/2023 08:10

I can’t believe what I am reading! You have absolutely done nothing to apologise for, nothing! You did nothing wrong.

This is not your friend. It’s a just a wedding but she is treating you like a piece of shit on the end of her shoe. And you have spent thousands on her, already!!. And she’s going around shit talking about you.

Please don’t attend this wedding. You owe her nothing. Zero.

CaptainMarvelle · 04/04/2023 08:10

She sounds like a nightmare who is incapable of change. But, if you are the maid of honour and your daughter is her flower girl and you cut her off straight after this wedding with no warning, that’s going to be a really shitty thing to do as you and your daughter will be in most of her wedding photos and they will all be painful for her to look at forever if you have suddenly dumped her straight after the wedding. So I’d give her fair warning, now, and say very very clearly “you need to stop treating me like crap, taking me for granted and putting me down, or we will have no friendship left after this weekend.” And spell out exactly what you’ve done for her and how unreasonable she’s being. Then if she doesn’t react well to that she can either kick you out of the wedding and her life now, which will be better in the long run, or you can follow through afterwards and she can’t say she didn’t know it was coming. You created this dynamic with her so you bear half of the responsibility for the situation you’re now in with her.

OutFortheBirds · 04/04/2023 08:14

Why are you letting someone treat you like that? Get a new friend. An actual FRIEND, this time.

AlexiaR · 04/04/2023 08:15

CaptainMarvelle · 04/04/2023 08:10

She sounds like a nightmare who is incapable of change. But, if you are the maid of honour and your daughter is her flower girl and you cut her off straight after this wedding with no warning, that’s going to be a really shitty thing to do as you and your daughter will be in most of her wedding photos and they will all be painful for her to look at forever if you have suddenly dumped her straight after the wedding. So I’d give her fair warning, now, and say very very clearly “you need to stop treating me like crap, taking me for granted and putting me down, or we will have no friendship left after this weekend.” And spell out exactly what you’ve done for her and how unreasonable she’s being. Then if she doesn’t react well to that she can either kick you out of the wedding and her life now, which will be better in the long run, or you can follow through afterwards and she can’t say she didn’t know it was coming. You created this dynamic with her so you bear half of the responsibility for the situation you’re now in with her.

But the bride has clearly lost her mind and is treating OP like utter shit - in front of their other friends, her husband and her child. All for one day. OP owes the bride nothing, zero. She has done everything so far that has been asked of her, has already spent thousands, of her own money, on this bridezilla. She should walk away right now.

ArrrMeHearties · 04/04/2023 08:15

You asked a question and she said no. Case closed as far as you and any normal person goes but weddings do funny things to some women. Fwiw I wouldn't of minded that your daughter sneaked in a nap when the suite was empty

RampantIvy · 04/04/2023 08:16

Does she actually want to be married or does she just want several big showy weddings?

Lemonandlime123 · 04/04/2023 08:17

She's not your friend and just sounds awful!

RampantIvy · 04/04/2023 08:18

The combined household income of my husband and I is over 10x of her combined household income with her husband

This jumped out at me as well. I wonder if the bride chose the OP as MOH because she has deep pockets.

honeypancake · 04/04/2023 08:20

To be honest you should have politely declined at least half of the things you have already done or committed to do for her weddings. She is not being a good friend and this friendship won't suffer if you do less, so only what you really want to do and convenient for you and your family. Learn to say No more often, don't be afraid to put some distance. I would reconsider the whole friendship. And definitely do not commit to doing more for her!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/04/2023 08:20

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:34

I asked her what sort of things she wanted to do for her hen night and everything on the list she gave me was really expensive. It involved weekends abroad, spa visits, afternoon tea etc.

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So the av cost of the hen do is 1k pp?

CaptainMarvelle · 04/04/2023 08:22

Also, does she imagine that nobody else has ever slept in that room?

I agree the bride is being a total bitch, but still think the op should give her fair warning that they’re nearly at the end of their friendship because of her behaviour. It’s a bit crap to knowingly ruin the wedding photos of someone who has been dreaming of their wedding since they were 6, even if that person is a bitch. I know a couple who had their sister-in-law as a bridesmaid, bridesmaid ran off with another man the following day, and had clearly imagined that staying until after the wedding in order to not upset people beforehand was a good plan. Years later brother is happily married to someone else but their wedding photos all still have this cow in them who broke her brothers heart.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/04/2023 08:23

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:48

I eloped. The bridesmaids paid £600 ish. I covered the bride's share of the bill (I booked her a nicer room) and also paid for all the hen do accessories, and subsidized her mum and sister since they couldn't afford to go.

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I have limited sympathy on your covering costs, since they couldn't afford to go to something you planned. You could have planned something people could afford.

Hardtopickaname · 04/04/2023 08:24

Have to agree with PP's, this is a very unbalanced friendship. Your 'friend' has treated you appallingly, she has knowingly let you spend a fortune on her over the top weddings and then publicly humiliates you over a question which actually was pretty acceptable between close friends. She was within her rights to say no but the fact she has repeatedly tried to embarrass you is nasty.

Hoppinggreen · 04/04/2023 08:25

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:34

And I covered her share of the hen night entirely by myself so it wouldn't price out some of the guests.

You aren’t her friend, you are her Bitch.
I appreciate you feel you are in too deep now but drop her like a hot potato after the wedding(s)

SleepingStandingUp · 04/04/2023 08:26

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 02:28

Yes I was. I will be at all of them since I'm running them.

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So staff not guest.

midgemadgemodge · 04/04/2023 08:28

Have you explained to her what will happen if you pull out ? That you are seriously considering it because of her attitude?
If all the bookings are in your name are you financially liable ?

SoFED · 04/04/2023 08:29

That’s sad OP. My DD was a flower girl at my DH’s friend’s wedding. The Bride invited everyone into her room as it was by far the largest for all the flower girls to get ready etc. I guess it’s one of those moments of solidarity for women, it’s sad your friend saw the use of her room this way.

Separately, on the sleep note you’d be surprised, when kids are tired enough they will sleep anywhere. One day off routine will not matter really (for future reference anyway). I’ve been to very loud weddings and seen plenty of kids sleeping on a couple of chairs put together, or on a grandparent while everyone else dances!