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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding drama

317 replies

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:16

I am the maid of honour for a friend I've known since primary school. She has planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6. She is having three weddings, one in the US and two big ones in London (one will include everyone and the second will include only close friends).

I am expected to be in attendance or helping her from 6am that day till the wedding ends in the early hours of the next morning.

My husband will be coming with my daughter who just turned three for the church bit from 10am till the end of dinner. She is the flower girl so she cannot come any later. She normally takes her nap at 1pm for approximately one hour after lunch.

I know the bride was offered a honeymoon suite so asked if my daughter could nap there for one hour during one of the intermissions. She seemed very upset and said no. I didn't take it personally and moved on quickly and booked a hotel room nearby in another building. I figured that she wouldn't be using it at that time (she will be taking wedding photos) so it may not be a big deal but I didn't expect her to feel so insulted.

She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am. She shouldn't have even been put in such an awkward position. Also she kept emphasising that it's called the honeymoon suite for a reason and recounts the story every time we meet up as a group. I asked without thinking and I apologised. I was not offended or upset when she said no but she won't really let this go. She asked me what kind of tone deaf best friend would ask for the a newly wed couple's honeymoon suite.

I feel like a jerk but I don't know what I can do since I've already apologised. I've also organised & spent over two thousand pounds on her hen night. It had all of her dream activities in and she said it was perfect. I paid for my own bridesmaid dress because she said that the wedding is costing a lot so I offered to cover my own costs so as to not be a burden. I have also been at her beck and call without complaints re the wedding planning for two years. I've attended monthly meetings with her so I've also given up a lot of my time. Am I being unreasonable to think that she should just accept my apology and move on. I was thoughtless. I've learned my lesson. I don't know what else she wants from me.

OP posts:
Maireas · 04/04/2023 06:54

This surely can't be real. Does anyone behave like this?.

EthicalNonMahogany · 04/04/2023 06:56

@Emotionalstorm come back after the wedding and tell us how it went?

thegrain · 04/04/2023 06:58

Tell her you've clearly ruined the friendship so it's best you withdraw from the service

FurAndFeathers · 04/04/2023 06:58

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:34

And I covered her share of the hen night entirely by myself so it wouldn't price out some of the guests.

And is that because she was similarly lovely when helping to plan your wedding?

IVbumble · 04/04/2023 07:00

She is not your friend. It sounds like she doesn't even like you but only likes the huge pile of things you do for her.

Her heart is small & tiny & only has room for herself. You will never get what you need or deserve from this friendship.

Let her go & move into a brighter future doing those things & spending that money on yourself because you do deserve it.

Mindymomo · 04/04/2023 07:06

Please come back after the wedding to let us know how it went. Surely this will make Daily Mail, This Morning or Loose Women headlines.

crossstitchingnana · 04/04/2023 07:10

Christ I think your friend is the biggest bridezilla I have ever heard of.

Thepossibility · 04/04/2023 07:12

You are trying to keep your very small child happy so she can fit in with HER wedding.
She really doesn't sound like a friend.
And using your (sensible) request as a mean anecdote to friends after all that you are doing for her?!?
Outrageous! Bridezilla to the MAX.

Zanatdy · 04/04/2023 07:12

You’re a really great friend and she’s insane treating you like this. I hope she realises what she’s lost.

malificent7 · 04/04/2023 07:17

Who has 3 weddings? She's insane. Why is everyone going along with this charade? Poor you and poor groom!

TenoringBehind · 04/04/2023 07:22

Glad you’re pulling out of the US wedding.

she sounds like a really nasty pierce of work and she doesn’t deserve you as a friend. You really did nothing wrong or unreasonable.

winelove · 04/04/2023 07:35

Good luck this weekend. You sound lovely. Enjoy your beautiful family and put some space between you and her when you are ready.

Rosula · 04/04/2023 07:37

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:34

I asked her what sort of things she wanted to do for her hen night and everything on the list she gave me was really expensive. It involved weekends abroad, spa visits, afternoon tea etc.

Show quote history

And she dared to moan to you that the wedding was expensive? I think I'd have gone selectively deaf at that point.

I can't help wondering what her life is going to be like once the thing she has been planning for decades is over and done with. It sounds as if it will be a horrendous come-down for her. Or will she start planning to have a daughter so she can then begin planning the unfortunate child's wedding? God help her if she doesn't want to get married.

Whataretheodds · 04/04/2023 07:40

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:34

And I covered her share of the hen night entirely by myself so it wouldn't price out some of the guests.

Wow. And you're paying all your own costs for the wedding because 'it's really expensive'. No shit, you're having 3 weddings love.

Has anyone ever said no to her? She sounds unbelievably spoilt.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/04/2023 07:41

@Emotionalstorm you already know this.With regards to her You’re a passive people pleaser who has bank rolled her Marie Antoinette whims.

Whataretheodds · 04/04/2023 07:41

Do you get anything from this friendship? Emotional support, fun, relaxation, practical support?

Trixiefirecracker · 04/04/2023 07:43

Honestly can’t believe any of this is real.

Marchintospring · 04/04/2023 07:44

I think you should definitely spell it out that going on about the room is childish and rude. Remind her of what you are doing for her and how much you have invested in her.

I’d be also mentioning that after the weddings there will be a vacuum. If she sours the friendship she’ll lose out in the end.

Its unlikely that every single will be perfect even with the best organisation. Things she’d wished she’d done, things that didn’t go to plan. Don’t be the fall guy for that shit either.

Baabaa75 · 04/04/2023 07:47

bakewellbride · 04/04/2023 03:28

"No she will just be really grumpy in the evening so might not be compliant for pictures or when guests talk to her"

I thought you were talking about the bride not the little one there for a minute which I think says it all!

Haha me too!

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/04/2023 07:51

The bride should be showering you in gifts and appreciation. Your generosity and care should be mentioned in one of the speeches at every wedding. Anything less is a snub to the impeccable way you’ve behaved in the face of such nastiness and belittling. I do hope you aren’t giving them an actual gift on top of this btw.

As for how you are in life in general and especially with your dd, I do think you would do well to learn about boundaries. I think therapy to discuss why you’ve allowed yourself to be treated so badly and how to set boundaries would be extremely useful. It will also give you more pleasure from life and and improve your parenting skills.

You and your dh both sound lovely but not best equipped for the years ahead. Not setting boundaries with your dd is more likely to create a child, who will in time become very much like your soon to be ex friend. And it would be a disservice to your lovely little girl if you allowed this to happen. Parenting is hard. It doesn’t stop once they get to secondary school. The teenage years are particularly trying and the time, when wrongly some parents back away rather than maintaining boundaries.

eish · 04/04/2023 07:51

Go and enjoy the wedding that you’ve organised. I’m glad you are bowing out of the US wedding. Make sure she knows why you’re ditching her. She needs to learn something from this.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/04/2023 07:54

If she is rich enough for three weddings, one in the US, how come you had to buy your own bridesmaid's frock and pay for some.of the hen?

It sounds totally bizarre. I can't help wondering if people who have three weddings need three divorces?

rainbowstardrops · 04/04/2023 07:54

Batshit

BarrelOfOtters · 04/04/2023 07:57

So she’s financially rinsing her in laws too? I’d send them an invoice for you as the Wedding Planner. But quickly as the marriage will last months.

hate to say it but her helping you with your dad may have been more her giving herself a central part in your drama…

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/04/2023 07:58

Baabaa75 · 04/04/2023 07:47

Haha me too!

Show quote history

I thought grumpy and noncompliant was the bride too