Wedding drama

[Emotionalstorm]

I am the maid of honour for a friend I've known since primary school. She has planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6. She is having three weddings, one in the US and two big ones in London (one will include everyone and the second will include only close friends).

I am expected to be in attendance or helping her from 6am that day till the wedding ends in the early hours of the next morning.

My husband will be coming with my daughter who just turned three for the church bit from 10am till the end of dinner. She is the flower girl so she cannot come any later. She normally takes her nap at 1pm for approximately one hour after lunch.

I know the bride was offered a honeymoon suite so asked if my daughter could nap there for one hour during one of the intermissions. She seemed very upset and said no. I didn't take it personally and moved on quickly and booked a hotel room nearby in another building. I figured that she wouldn't be using it at that time (she will be taking wedding photos) so it may not be a big deal but I didn't expect her to feel so insulted.

She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am. She shouldn't have even been put in such an awkward position. Also she kept emphasising that it's called the honeymoon suite for a reason and recounts the story every time we meet up as a group. I asked without thinking and I apologised. I was not offended or upset when she said no but she won't really let this go. She asked me what kind of tone deaf best friend would ask for the a newly wed couple's honeymoon suite.

I feel like a jerk but I don't know what I can do since I've already apologised. I've also organised & spent over two thousand pounds on her hen night. It had all of her dream activities in and she said it was perfect. I paid for my own bridesmaid dress because she said that the wedding is costing a lot so I offered to cover my own costs so as to not be a burden. I have also been at her beck and call without complaints re the wedding planning for two years. I've attended monthly meetings with her so I've also given up a lot of my time. Am I being unreasonable to think that she should just accept my apology and move on. I was thoughtless. I've learned my lesson. I don't know what else she wants from me.

Yes that's why my husband and I chose to elope. We didn't really care about the wedding or the dress etc. We wanted it to be stress free and to just make good memories together. We wore what was comfortable and ate at Dishoom that evening (my husband loves Indian food). We went to Japan straight after for our honeymoon.

This. Do your bit this weekend (nice of her to hijack everyone's bank holiday weekend) and then pull out of the US part.

Get a refund on anything you can and then a few days before tell her you've lost your passport or come down with a virus or something.

I mean it's probably best to keep your head down and get through it since we are speaking days now but don't let her be mean to you. She was moderately nice years ago and now this has been literally years of your life she has been in 'wedding mode'. I'd guess the other bridesmaids aren't disorganised...they are distancing themselves so the don't have to be involved in her drama. You and your DH and little girl come first for you, they are most important. She has already been mean once not letting her nap there and that's the first thing that's got your back up in the years of crazy behaviour. It's OK to say no to her, you will still have your lovely family around if all goes wrong.

If it makes you less worried. My daughter is the most stubborn being I've ever met and her nick name is 'dear leader'. My husband thinks we need to give her a sibling or she might have serious only child syndrome.

I agree. You're a good friend, it's all paid for now just go and try and enjoy it. I'd personally not create more drama by stooping to her level. She sounds like the type who was bound to be a high maintenance bridezilla

Yes but I wouldn’t even bother with the pretence. I’d text her just before you are to go and say I have emailed you all the details but I won’t be going with you due to your appalling behaviour. Then block her. Don’t hide behind a lie, stand up for yourself. Send the same message to the groom as well adding I’m sorry to let YOU down but I have had enough of her

Another one walking all over you then. Get serious help. This is the most insane thread I have read re a wedding on here. Do not go to the USA. Don’t know why I am bothering to even type this as you absolutely will go and this bitch will be walking all over you for the rest of your life. Good luck with organising her divorce for her 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

I'm going to go with @Emptycrackedcup but I just want to let you know that my husband fist pumped to your message and said he was so with you. He said he couldn't imagine anything more tedious than spending his weekend at this wedding (he knows he's still going though).

I will go NC after the wedding this weekend. I will not attend the one in the US because she has enough time to get to grips with that one. It is in November.

You are a glutton for punishment. You should try listening to your husband more often. Seriously though you need therapy. This is not normal. I had a narcissist friend who like you was a support during a hard time in my youth and like you I put up with bullshit for far longer than I should have out of misplaced loyalty. I stopped that in my mid twenties. The fact you have a family of your own now makes this so much worse.

The reason why I decided to go ahead with the wedding this weekend (providing she accepts my apology and drops her grudge) is because I won't be behaving badly just because she is. It's for me. It's not for her. I don't plan to put any effort into our friendship after this weekend. I will go NC.

I want to look back and not feel like I've done anything I am really not proud of.

Is there free booze and good food? I'd make the most of it, and just enjoy the 'party', sounds like it's nearly the end point so you may as well get something good from it all.

Stop f/ing apologising. You have already dry needlessly apologised. Just say to her if you don’t drop this I won’t be turning up at the weekend. Don’t you get it? She gets off on you grovelling.

The relationship between you and her makes the child in this picture seem like a model of gratitude and appreciation.

My daughter isn't a really bad kid. She is a bit inflexible. She thinks things should be done properly. So if say someone drops a tissue on the floor she wants to pick it up and tell them off. She also gets cross and tells my husband off when he doesn't put his shoes on the rack or blows out her birthday candles by accident. My husband also calls her a milk monitor and a know it all when she's not present (affectionately).

Yes open bar and free food. Also a lot of my close friends from school will be there.

I second that. She sounds awful, absolutely awful. I would be telling her where to stick her wedding - she isn't a friend OP, she's a user.

I will go NC after the wedding this weekend. I will not attend the one in the US because she has enough time to get to grips with that one. It is in November.

That sounds like a reasonable way forward @Emotionalstorm

Although when you say you 'will not attend the one in the US' I hope you actually mean you'll have nothing further to do with it. The poundshop diva won't be bothered if you're actually there or not - she's only interested in your organising skills and financial contribution.

Don't take any shit from her this weekend and cut her off thereafter. Nobody needs that utter nonsense in their life.

Oh well that sounds like heaps of fun, I'd go and have a great time. Then talk to bridezilla once the dust has settled, I'm honestly sure she'll feel like a dick. If she doesn't sort herself out, then dump her. Enjoy! 🤗

Of course, I will not be involved in the US one anymore. I've done enough organising for her.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Thanks.

Hey @Emotionalstorm you seem like a really nice person! And it takes a while to see when what was a healthy relationship from school goes a bit toxic and sour. Just to back what others are saying and give you some support going forward: you shouldn't be shamed for being a good mum, your friend sounds an absolute melt, perhaps jealous of you and making herself feel better by putting you down? Or perhaps deeply nervous about getting married and very unhappy and you are her 'safe person'? Either way she has done you wrong here and a line has to be drawn - state your boundary re her humiliating you, you can pass yourself on the day I reckon and let things settle afterwards. She may come back to earth after the wedding and apologise like crazy (classic abuser behaviour? I think this woman has her teeth in you?) either way she will be in a different space and her husband can deal with her madness. It sounds like you have done all the work for the wedding so I would just focus on you, your husband and your kid enjoying a wee family day together. Let someone else pick up some slack and deal with her drama - her sister maybe? I bet she has a bad relationship with her sis cos she sounds like an emotional vampire! Another thing to say is that NO fun day starts at 6am!! Fuck that! Ceremony at 1 or 2? Get there 10 or 11? You have more power here than you think - try to extract yourself - you have a toddler who needs you - use her as an excuse? Good luck! Enjoy the day.

"No she will just be really grumpy in the evening so might not be compliant for pictures or when guests talk to her"

I thought you were talking about the bride not the little one there for a minute which I think says it all!