This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

[Pondere]

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

You can see why she's a spoiled brat even your husband won't stand up to her and make her go on the sofa, everyone give's into her too much. X

You are totally right, but this is his family and he is the one in the couch. I would let it go.

@saraclara I think it’s different when there isn’t any room. We used to do the same at my Nan’s flat. DM would make us DC a ‘nest’ which was a duvet or eiderdown over some cushions- we loved it. There are enough beds in this house !

This is the only way it wouldn't have been unreasonable but I'm thinking same as you, OP and family would know. Even with that though, if SIL is more local could she not have taken the couch for one night after her brother has travelled all that way? I'm NC with most of my family and reading all these Christmas posts I'm glad!

@anotheronenow I expect/hope OP is currently asleep after an 11hr journey with a baby. I’m sure she’ll be back in the morning to update us. 😁

DH to parents and sister: 'Don't be ridiculous. We have just travelled for 11 hours to visit you. I will be sleeping, with my wife, in the double bed, with our bairn in his travel cot beside us. As usual.'

You're facing a lifetime entangled with these people, OP. Deal with it NOW.

Wow, tomorrow morning I’d throw us a pity party like I was a full band. Oh poor Dh, that sofa wasn’t really sleep and after 11 hours drive, it was bad enough squashed up in the single with baby but Dh is the one who has suffered. Ideally Dh just goes into double bed for a morning nap, and you put cot in there for a nap too. Then say oh that was so much better we are swapping tonight. Sil:5 year old won’t be able to sleep! Dh: is 5 year old driving you 11 hours home? When he is then he gets a vote.

I’d be very clear we are never ever coming again for their setup, and tell your dh if he wants to see his sister the best thing is to say fuck this sleeping arrangement because as it is you will never ever go near your parents in law again if she’s going to be there so he will be shooting himself in the foot by going along with this and royally pissing you off.

Brilliant solution!
please do it.

pandering to SIL in this way is just pathetic. And it’s treating your DH like the hired help, while the little Prince slumbers in luxury.

Well, you have a child 15 months older than when hers stopped sharing a room and it doesn't seem to matter about you creating 'bad habits' for a child much younger than hers now?

She sounds like a lazy parent to me.

Actually, if the PIL agree with SIL, then why don’t they give up their bed for OP and her DH, and they can divvy up the single bed and sofa between them?

cos that’s what a decent host would do. I slept on an air mattress on Christmas night, cos we had guests, who I put in my bed. I thought that was quite normal? I did it this summer when we had an extra six people staying over too.

I’d go to a hotel. The bed arrangement is ridiculous.

Or they could be grown ups, continue with the week's stay, and after SIL has left, have a calm and sensible conversation with the PILs about how to manage the situation in the future, because this simply didn't work.

@TrashyPanda yes my DM and DF would do this if putting up a couple as there’s was the only double room and bed.

Ughhhhhhhhh what a load of rubbish. Of course a kid should not have a whole double room while an adult sleeps on a sofa. More fool your husband for agreeing. I would be putting my foot down.

🤣🤣🤣

For just two nights, I'd put up with it. But I'd also have a discussion with the PIL about the next visit...at which either a) the SIL will not be there at the same time, or b) the sleeping arrangements will need to be adjusted. Radically.

Grin and bare it tonight. Leave for home tomorrow. Let them know you have to go a day early because DH needs an actual bed to sleep on and not a sofa.

And by 'let them know' I mean DH says this. He needs to dry up and stand up for his family unit. Not pander to DSis.

honestly op, how does being married to such a wetwipe not give you the ick?

Next time, ensure you all know of sleeping arrangements before committing to stay.

That is ridiculous OP! Your SIL should be embarrassed! I can't ever imagine being so selfish.

I just wouldn't ever be staying again when SIL is there. I'd be sending DH on his own next time.

I would leave, this is completely unreasonable.

That is absolutely outrageous and I would not stand for it. An adult sleeping on the sofa so a small child can have a double to himself? Not in my world. I'd be telling the child that he needs to move over so his uncle is sharing a bed with him...if that doesn't get sister to change plans I'd be finding a hotel.

of course, it’s ridiculous, don’t question yourself. I could understand the familiarity argument but as many people pointed out SIL could share with her son double bed or go on the sofa. I wouldn’t leave or move to the hotel for the sake of 2 nights because it would look a bit as overreaction especially as your DH said that he’s fine. However I would think long and hard about any other future visits/ trips/ holidays etc. You clearly can’t count on your in-laws behaving reasonably when SIL and her son are involved so plan accordingly.

Leave for home tomorrow

Of course they can’t leave for home tomorrow. It’s an 11hr drive with a baby. Do you have any idea how much an 11hr drive takes out of you? Not least when one of you has had a night on the sofa. Nobody in their right mind drives 11hrs then turns round and does the same drive the next day.

I wouldn't stay with them again if they can't afford their guests basic manners by making sensible sleeping arrangements.

Perhaps convince the 5 year old the double room is haunted so he refuses to stay there?

😂😂😂

To fuck would a 5yo have priority.