This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

[Pondere]

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

11 hours is a long drive. I think your husband's parents are being very selfish to put you OR your husband on the sofa after such a long drive.

DH is just glad he’s spending time with his sister as our visits rarely overlap, so he doesn’t want to risk her leaving early.

So seeing his sister is more important than him getting a decent nights sleep?

If the 5 year old simply cannot move rooms then the PIL should go in the single beds and you and DH get the double room. SIL on the sofa.

YANBU. At the very least SIL should be on the sofa so your DH can have a proper bed.

I'd very pointedly encourage your DH to sleep in tomorrow morning in the bed in your room so he at least gets a few hours decent sleep after such a long drive.

So seeing his sister is more important than him getting a decent nights sleep?

Well yes? I mean, she's behaving stupidly, but a) he might sleep perfectly well. I spent the night in my daughter's sofa last week and slept like a log and b) yes, I'd choose seeing my sibling (or even my SIL) over a comfy bed too. Presumably he's fond of her and we know he rarely gets to see her.

Okay here's my take
I feel they are not being unreasonable

How would you like someone coming to your house as a guest and trying to lay down new rules
You would tell them to jog on
If you don't like the sleeping arrangements then go home plain and simple it's not your house to be dictating who sleeps where
Perhaps the SIL son is autistic and genuinely cannot cope with the change

I know if I had a guest visit me and they started trying to dictate the sleeping arrangements they would be shown the door

SIL sounds like the type of mum that makes everyone inwardly roll their eyes at their childs presence when it's not even the child's fault

If this is the arrangement for tomorrow night I would find a hotel. That's beyond ridiculous!

I would have stayed at home if I were you. Too late now but I’d be leaving at the first opportunity if this fucking ridiculous plan actually happened.

Its especially bad for your DH. He should have put his foot down and said he’s 100% not sleeping on a sofa at Christmas so that a five year old can have a double bed. 🤯

I would tell OH that you are out of there, and will not visit or go on holiday with them again if they put the perceived comfort of a 5 year old (who would be happy on a mattress on the floor) ahead of 2 adults and a baby.
OH needs to stand up

Your SIL, is she even normal? That's ridiculous? So selfish!
Why is everyone agreeing with her?! I'm baffled.

I know if I had a guest visit me and they started trying to dictate the sleeping arrangements they would be shown the door

Like the SiL is you mean?

Does your husband always pander to his sister and her demands? He should grow a pair tbh.

Depending on how your toddler sleeps, I wonder if your DH doesn’t mind sleeping in another room on the sofa, especially if you stay in the bedroom with the toddler until everyone is up and about. I would hate to sleep on a sofa but some people can sleep anywhere. Perhaps offer DH the bed with the toddler tomorrow and see his reaction. You could have a night in an hotel on your own if you aren’t breastfeeding.

This! If it genuinely was really important (I have an autistic child so I can see some senarios where maybe, at a stretch it could be) then SIL should either share the bed or sleep on the sofa.

This is ludicrous!! Tell her to shove her double room and bed up their arses.

So this delicate child can't ever go on holiday , sleep out or do anything that remotely affects his special sleeping arrangements. Parents that plant these ideas into their kids heads at such a young age and wonder why their kids grow to be anxious wrecks.

Or maybe he just really doesn't mind sleeping on the sofa.

I don't care where I sleep either. And if it's a choice between the sofa or causing an unholy row at the beginning of a stay with my own family, I'd probably just roll my eyes too, and bed down.

It's not as if OP and the baby are at a disadvantage. They have beds. DH being unfussed about something that only affects him, is not 'being weak'.

Given that SIL will only be there for 2 days is it really something to make a fuss about. You have a bed. Your child has his travel cot and your husband is not objecting to his location. No one is particularly harmed, damaged or inconvenience. Given that this is not the typical arrangement when you stay, does it really matter for the 2 days that the 5 year old will be there?

I would not create a fuss or scene in my in-laws home over something so trivial. If my in-laws were good, kind, and generally accommodating people , I would be a quiet and flexible guest. They seemingly have this child as a frequent guest and are probably better acquainted with his needs and ease of adaptation. I would defer to the in-laws experience in dealing with the situation.

If the SIL feels so strongly she takes the sofa.

Shows how little In laws think of their son/brother. I can’t imagine that DH will get a good nights sleep on sofa especially after he has been driving for so long

There is no way I would leave my brother to sleep on the sofa after an 11 hour drive.

Not much OP can do about how her DH is treated apart from sleeping on the sofa herself or leaving in the morning on her own with LO. Not very practical.

Unfortunately if this is not nipped in the bud the LO will become the second class cousin.

Was it prearranged that both families would be staying over or last minute?

Something simar happened with my PILs when DN was tiny, before DH and I had DC's. DSIL and DBIL took the other (DPIL's) double room. DMIL slept in one single. DH and I had to share the other single (both of us in the bed as it was a tiny room with no space on the floor for one of us to sleep and no spare mattress). DFIL slept on the sofa. DH and I were young enough to manage for a night. Fortunately DN2 came along shortly after and DPIL came to their senses and realised they couldn't accommodate 2 princesses having their own double beds.

I assume you'll be able to switch to the double once DSIL leaves? Make clear that you won't be staying again in those circumstances. Either visit at a different time to SIL or stay in a hotel or don't visit. It's not acceptable for 2 adults and a baby to be put out for unfair pandering to a 5 year old.

Agree you tell them you’re moving to a hotel tomorrow or home in a day

It's not acceptable for 2 adults and a baby to be put out for unfair pandering to a 5 year old.

Only one person has been "put out" and he's not that bothered.

Seriously, daft though this decision is, the overreactions and high dramatics in the responses on this thread are far more unreasonable.

I get that after such a long journey, returning home tonight was out of the question, but if your hosts are that inhospitable I would be off in the morning, even if the little five year old prince is only staying one further night.

You’d think OP would be aware of the child’s autism though, and wouldn’t be so miffed. Therefore, to me this scene flies in the face of all good manners, in prioritising a child’s wishes over those basic comforts adult guests (who are family coming from a great distance) should expect.
Pandering to children like this is bad enough in one’s own home, but expecting the custom to be indulged in other people’s houses is just ghastly, and of course it’s doubly so if the host is party to the insult!

Absolute madness

Actually one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. I'd go home.