This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

[Pondere]

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

YABU. What a selfish woman. She’s not really doing her young son any favours by showing him at this early age that he gets what he wants even if everyone else is disadvantaged.

That was meant to say YANBU!

I'd have left, book in a travelodge tonight and drive home tomorrow (or just do 2 nights and then drive home). That's ridiculous.

When I have people visiting - friends or family - I don't leave it up to them to agree who is having which room. They're not staying in a holiday cottage! I tell them which room I'm putting them in and I would be mightily unimpressed if any of them disagreed and tried to lay the law down. Your PILs should have done this and not taken any nonsense from SIL.

Your SIL is being totally ridiculous!

So long as you're somewhere with plentiful hotels and have money to waste.

There are 4 bed spaces and 1 travel cot - and 5 guests including your young DC who uses the travel cot. So, your DC is sorted - travel cot for them. Now you have 4 bed spaces and 4 guests. Simple!

If SIL chooses not to use ‘her’ bed space which obviously would be with her DS if he really must have the double bed, it’s she who should be sleeping on the sofa. But the only sensible answer is for SIL and her DS to have a single room each, and you and your DH have the double with the travel cot in.

You missed a trick. You should have insisted that your DC couldn’t possibly sleep anywhere other than the double room. If SIL insisted her DS had to be in the double room, you could have agreed and said she and her DS could sleep in the double bed with your DC in the cot alongside.

Seriously, I’d refuse to stay anywhere where SIL would be staying too as she’s clearly thoughtless and unkind to her own DB and family. Your DH should go up to ‘her’ single room for an early night when she’s not looking and tell her to sleep on the sofa, selfish woman.

I would be going home first thing.
Fuck them!

Jesus. 100% not being unreasonable. What a shitshow, hope you can sort it for tomorrow

Definitely a good idea to book in to a Travelodge

No points in guessing who is the golden child in your husband's family!

Yes, SIL and the PILs are being unreasonable. But...

OP has a bed. Her child has a travel cot. Her DH isn't bothered about sleeping on the sofa. it's not the end of the world and certainly not worth leaving in a huff for.

So many people on here encouraging drama that they won't be the ones having to pick up the pieces of. Ridiculous to suggest going home and almost as daft to suggest going to a hotel, which will involve far more hassle for OP and the baby who have perfectly good beds at the moment.

Sil has the sofa tonight or you leave.

Also as a PP said, if sil was in a relationship there's no way her ds would have the double and they would make do with the two single rooms! He'd have to cope then so why not now?

This isn’t just a case of her feelings over yours, but also if your dh being emotionally strong armed into complying with their nonsense. You need to get him to see this set up is not normal, and he’s doing a total disservice to his own child and wife, and ultimately to himself, by not “kicking up a fuss”
I’d put money on that there’s been a lifetime of his sister calling the shots. You both need to call this kind of stuff out and he needs to start advocating for you.

Ridiculous!

We have a not too dissimilar situation at my PILs, so much so that I won't stay anymore and we just do day visits. This involves 5+ hours of driving in one day with an early start and late home, but it's the only way to visit now.

My PIL have 4.5 bedrooms and 2 living rooms. For a very very long time 5 of us were inexplicably squashed into 1 double bedroom when we used to stay over. I then put my foot down and refuse to stay now. This set up includes a 7yo in a toddler bed and a (different sex) 17yo and 16yo in smaller-than-standard-single-beds bunk beds then a lumpy double for DH and I. 1.5 bedrooms are hobby rooms. 1 bedroom is set up for my SIL - a mad old Aunt and her mad old cat and is kept untouched if she & the cat are not there, 1 bedroom is the 'spare' and 1 is my PILs. I totally fail to understand why they can't accommodate us for a few nights a year with clearing out a hobby room temporarily or buying some blow-up beds for the living room without us all being squashed into 1 bedroom. They seem to want us to stay?

I feel for you. Say anything and you come out of it as the baddie and everyone is cross with you or put up and shut up?!

It’s not him getting “the best bed” - it’s him getting a double bed, and her DH getting no bed after an 11 hour drive. That shows such a complete lack of care for him that I would be really upset in OP’s shoes.

He’s hardly likely to sleep well on a sofa, and has another 11 hour drive to do again in two days’ time, so I’d be booking into a hotel tomorrow just for safety reasons - I wouldn’t want him to crash the car on the way home through lack of sleep. So selfish of his SIL to insist on this.

How? That will involve OP having to pack clothes for her and the baby, put the baby in the car (it's windy and rainy out there), check into some random hotel (at which point the baby will probably wake from the sleep that the car journey has induced) settle into the room, then do it all the other way round the next morning.

While as things stand, she can just put the baby down on its travel cot upstairs when its ready, and go to bed when she pleases. And have a perfectly straightforward morning waking up in the house.

Omg there are lots of issues here!

Dynamics leave your dh bottom of the hierarchy (even below the 5 year old) so you op are unlikely to be considered at all. So I suppose it's about how much are you willing to take, will you put up/ shut up and stay or leave early/ go to a hotel?

Either way, next visit make sure sil isn't due to visit at the same time.

YANBU at all!

I can't believe anyone would think you're being unreasonable.

Sil should go on the sofa and let your dh have the other single.

Just feel sorry for sil. If her ds is pandered to, to this extent she’s making a rod for her own back and she’s in for a hard future!

Bloody ridiculous.

Go home and don't visit again when the spoilt little prat of a daughter is going. X

Surely the parents can see this is ridiculous? You could ah e some fun with it though . Your DH could decide he wants an early night tomorrow on account of the bad night on the sofa and start getting in to ‘bed’ or sofa at around 8pm tomorrow and start sshhhhing everyone. See how they like that.

I suspect the five year old could not give two shits which bed he is in, and this is all about Princess SIL throwing her weight around/not being knocked off her perch by the new baby.

He’s hardly likely to sleep well on a sofa, and has another 11 hour drive to do again in two days’ time, so I’d be booking into a hotel tomorrow just for safety reasons

They're staying for a week @Changechangychange

When we all gathered at my in-laws when they were still alive, there'd be at minimum ten of us and often more, all sleeping in a three bed house. We bunked down anywhere we could find, including on sofa cushions laid on.the living room floor. It was a laugh to be honest (though I recognise it was a different situation from OP's), and no-one whinged or fussed about driving next day.

OP: "AIBU?"
1200+ strangers on Mumsnet: "No. Go home/hotel"
OP: Maybe DP will sort it tomorrow?

Maybe consider this could be happening because you need to be more assertive OP? Absolutely ridiculous and I wish your in-laws and DSIL could see this thread. You've been nice about them. Why not show them?