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AIBU?

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Original poster

This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

508 replies

Pondere · 28/12/2022 21:58

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

OP posts:
THEDEACON · 31/12/2022 11:19

I too would be heading home asap

chrispenrallt1 · 31/12/2022 11:33

I would have just turned round and gone either to a hotel or gone home

Terfarina · 31/12/2022 11:36

I would be inclined to suck it up this time as DH is accepting the situation and it is only 2 nights.

learn the lesson and next time you’ll all be under one roof enquire what the sleeping arrangements are in advance and perhaps politely say that these sleeping arrangements don’t work for your family so you’ll stay in a hotel nearby.

Things will change as your DS grows and this ridiculous set up won’t work when he’s bigger.

Fudgeball123 · 31/12/2022 11:38

Visiting 4 times a year is too much..

FamilyLife2point4 · 31/12/2022 11:51

Same here OO. I’d have booked the nearest hotel, stating DH can’t possibly sleep on a sofa after an 11hour drive, or be expected to get up through the night with a child (after that drive). So fir his H&Wb, child and I will stay elsewhere so he can have bed. We’ll pop in and visit though and would appreciate a ‘heads up’ if this is the plan in future, so we can book accommodation in advance.

it’ll make everyone else feel utter shit and realise how unreasonable it was to begin with, but it probably won’t happen again either …

catandcoffee · 31/12/2022 12:01

The sister has all the power in that family.
She's possibly threatening to not visit if her demands aren't met.

So, therfore the immediate family allow the dictatorship or they'll be cut off.

This will never change and I feel sorry for the poor child.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 31/12/2022 12:19

Taking the piss. And it’s showing they don’t care. Go home and refuse any more visits. When a spoiled sounding 5 year old takes priority for a double bed in this situation then you can see how little you all mean to them.

amonsteronthehill · 31/12/2022 12:26

I'd have packed up and left on the spot.

Ridiculous behaviour from your SIl ... clearly the favourite child, eh?

LookItsMeAgain · 31/12/2022 12:32

GiltEdges · 28/12/2022 22:01

I’d have got back in the car and left tbh…

This. I'd have tried to find a hotel/B&B or AirB&B nearby where my family could share a room, Your DH is loopy to have not stood up for his family.

Is SIL and her son the 'golden' child(ren) of the family by any chance?

Idontgiveashitanymore · 31/12/2022 12:35

I’d tell her to go fuck herself and go home .

Grannyyaga · 31/12/2022 12:35

I would go home asap. This double standards starts with you and will most probably trickle down to your dc. Start as you mean to go on.

LookItsMeAgain · 31/12/2022 12:37

zingally · 29/12/2022 13:24

Totally bonkers!

I'm amazed they're okay with a 5 year old having a whole double bed and presumably larger room, while his own MOTHER crams into a single bed!

Of course you should have the double room!

This 5 year old is going to turn into a massive brat.

I'd have got back in the car and gone home again!

Massively this!!!

They (including your SiL) are doing the 5yr old absolutely no favours whatsoever. He is going to grow up so entitled you won't recognise him in a few years. I mean what 5 year old sleeps in a double bed while their parent sleeps in a single for a start irrespective of where the beds are located/which room they are in???

They are on a very slippery slope!

SleepingStandingUp · 31/12/2022 12:38

Not the point but can DH not sleep in the room with nephew?

amonsteronthehill · 31/12/2022 12:44

So when your 'unfavoured' child is older ... I imagine he'll be expected to sleep with you in cramped conditions while favoured child still gets a double bed?

Completely nuts. This behaviour really needed to be called out by your husband.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/12/2022 12:53

I hope you had a rest then turned around and went home. Leave DH there if he is happy with that arrangement.

amyds2104 · 31/12/2022 13:00

YANBU at all.
Wouldn’t bother going again to be honest.

TerraNostra · 31/12/2022 13:11

”He has one friend at nursery”- would a 5 year-old not normally have started school this year? or are you not in the UK?

SeasonFinale · 31/12/2022 13:25

I suspect that the nephew doesn't have any friends because the other kids won't pander to the little price's demands the way his mother and grandparents do.

SeasonFinale · 31/12/2022 13:26

*prince not price

Worcestershirem0mmy · 31/12/2022 13:33

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable, I don’t even know how they can justify those arrangements!

MuhMuh · 31/12/2022 13:39

Never stay there when she is there again. Utterly ridiculous.

stemthetide · 31/12/2022 14:23

”He has one friend at nursery”- would a 5 year-old not normally have started school this year? or are you not in the UK?

If he's in Scotland (quite likely as an eleven hour drive away) and just turned five, his parents may have decided to send him to school next August, rather than at a bit over four and a half.

Algor1thm · 31/12/2022 14:28

This is beyond ridiculous. I'm guessing the 5 year old generally gets his way and everyone panders to him like this? We've been with relatives nearly 2 weeks now and my 2 year old has been sleeping here there any everywhere to suit the needs of different people coming and going. He's slept fine. If you raise a child to be inflexible you're creating a rod for your own back 🙄 I'd be staying in a hotel personally if they won't change the arrangements.

Thundercats77 · 31/12/2022 14:36

When your baby is not settling at night be sure to pace up and down the landing near sil and nephews room as you won't have the space to do it in yours.

Hayliebells · 31/12/2022 14:41

Why on earth isn't SIL sharing with her DC if they'll only sleep in that room, why can't they share a bed? I agree it's completely ridiculous, get your DH to have a word, or leave.

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