This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

[Pondere]

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

OP and her child have a bedroom and beds. The PILs haven't put them on an airbed on the living room floor or anything.
It's up to DH to make his own choices.

So did you decide to put up with it for a couple of nights & then move into the double?

This is madness. I would t blame u if you turned around and went home. I would cut your trip short tbh and say you haven’t slept well and hint at - how it’s been very difficult trying to manage a baby in a tiny space.
I feel like PIL need to feel the consequences of their silly decision re. Sleeping arrangements in order to change things.

also- why can’t SIL share double room with her son and then at least your DH would have a proper bed as he could then sleep in the single room SIL was using?

OP - do this.

Get a copy of the clown picture from the Twitter link posted upthread.

There's no way ANYONE would be able to sleep with that monstrosity leering over their midnight dreams. . .

💀👀👻

This is madness. I would t blame u if you turned around and went home. I would cut your trip short tbh and say you haven’t slept well

Having driven 11 hours yesterday, I don't think doing the same in reverse today, on little sleep, would be very sensible.

I really admire how ballsy and forthright people on MN are. I’d suck it for the time being but I would never put myself in that situation again. I don’t get into arguments (especially ones I can’t win) but I just quietly suit myself in future.

I’m not proud of that, because it’s better to be up front and give people an opportunity to do better. But I’ve had a lot of people in my life who steamroll over others, and it’s a survival instinct to quietly just leave them to it.

My mother experienced this with her sister, although with less available rooms. Sister and fam lived 45 minutes away (and had not planned to stay) and mum, dad and 4 kids had all travelled for 5 hours to visit Nan……..to be offered the floor. Even though they were stony broke they still left to find a B and B.

Wouldn’t put up with this nonsense, tell them to have the pick of the beds as you’re going home .

That's just insane, I'd definitely be going home or checking into a hotel. The world shouldn't revolve around a 5 year old - what does that say about the future dynamics of the family ...

Easy for us to say make an stand etc

But in real life with feelings and relationships at stake it's not as easy.

It's a piss take agreed but I'd put up with it and then going forward not stay again while sil is there unless something changes.

This is so ridiculous. I would be fuming to have travelled 11 hours to be given a sofa to sleep on. Sister should have given her brother the bed and she sleep there seeing as she is the one preventing everyone from sleeping in a proper bed.

Your SIL should have always been giving her child the single room from the start. Clearly he will sleep elsewhere because he sleeps in a bed other than home. Is MIL more reasonable?

I would be tempted to book a hotel for tonight. To make a point that you all slept badly as you didn't have enough space. The chance of you disturbing your child when you get into bed is high, unless you go to bed at the same time as them. Which is another idea tonight to make a point of how daft this all is. Otherwise what will happen next year when your child will likely be too big for a travel cot?

Your husband should spend all today complaining about his back having slept on sofa. And say you'll have to look at a hotel. Maybe that'll get the SIL's butt moving.

I do understand that your nephew is used to the double bed, so no one wants to run the risk of unsettling him at bedtimes. I assume he's asleep when SIL goes to bed, so I'd ask her to double up with him in the bed or move the double bed over and she can have a camping mattress on the floor. You and DH won't be in the same bed but as least you can have the twin and be together as a couple.

I would just leave. That is so ridiculous as to put me off all future visits.
And There would be no discussion.

I'd be team Go Home, but none of my relatives are that stupid so it's easy to say looking on.

It looks like as SIL and her DS stay every month then they’ve got into the pattern of using these rooms/beds and it suits them.

However, a 5 year old should be able to understand that if other family members apart from his DM are staying then he doesn’t stay in the double room then. His DM should be telling him this in a firm way and so should your PILs.

They’re letting a small child dictate to them where he sleeps and he just needs firm boundaries put in place.

My DB and SIL have a 4.5 year old who they’ve got into a habit of sleeping with or he sleeps with them. On the odd occasion me or my DM babysit, we don’t sleep in the same bed or allow him into our beds and he’s quite surprised the next day that he’s slept by himself and has said this to us but in a nice/proud/surprised way! He can be a bit persuasive and bossy with his DPs though so I kind of see where your relatives are coming from: There’s no way my DNephew would be able to commandeer a double room or what he wanted in these circumstances though, wouldn’t be allowed, or they’d work around it.

Oh and I’d leave…

Your husband should spend all today complaining about his back having slept on sofa. And say you'll have to look at a hotel. Maybe that'll get the SIL's butt moving.

I rather think she would just take it as validation of her bizarre idea that there was already no practical way to make the available accommodation work for everybody - and be glad that her DB's family have also managed to see nonsense.

She clearly sees herself as having automatic first refusal to whatever accommodation she wants at the parents' house, so I highly doubt it would even cross her mind that she had been unreasonable in unnecessarily forcing out her DB's family.

People with her egocentric mindset tend to see those 'getting to stay at a hotel' as the lucky ones enjoying a wonderful treat; the considerable amount they have to pay for it and then the travelling back and forth to the family base doesn't even feature on their radar.

She probably genuinely thinks that she's sacrificially putting her DS first by 'only' taking a single room whilst he gets the double - oblivious to the fact that it's other people she's forced into making the real sacrifice, not her.

It's ridiculous, but for this visit, seeing as you've got a bed, I'd say it's up to your DH (as is his family). I might ask in the breakfast table if he fancies to book a local hotel tonight to get a bed.

For future visits, either send DH or otherwise check sleeping arrangements or "do we need to book a hotel".

Go home or get a hotel. Tell your DH he should be supporting you.

Letting a child have a double bed to himself when other people need it is beyond ridiculous.

This is an insult. I wouldn’t take it.

It’s bonkers but I wouldn’t say anything more - just get a hotel room for the 2 nights and enjoy your stay.

They are disgusting to treat your dh and you that way. He is pathetic to allow it. Even if you hadn't had such a long journey. I wouldn't even stay the 2nd night.

I can't imagine what sort of dynamic is at play in this family.

No you wouldn’t.

Not after an 11 hour drive.

With a 2 year old.