This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

[Pondere]

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

Is your SIL a single parent? Is it possible your PIL are over compensating for that?

Anyway, you have a bed. Your DH wants to see his sister and he's a grown man capable of fighting his own battles. Be careful of pandering to the MN baying crowd - this is your DH's family and getting into an us and them situation will just make him sad.

I think this is actually what most people would do. Get through the visit and then afterwards communicate how unacceptable the unequal treatment is. I doubt many people would IRL leave after an 11 hour journey because of this.

Hotels are not easy to find everywhere. I live 30 minutes away from my nearest Premier Inn or Travelodge and actually they are not in locations I would want to stay in comparison to my nice seaside town. The rooms are not that generous for a family of 3 and it's less convenient with a baby.

I would expect/hope the DH to be very clear with PILs that they have upset them, and as others have said, not visit again if the same was going to happen.

Sense at last.

As it is your DH's family, and he doesn't want to cause a scene at Christmas, I would put up with this for the 2 nights. When she goes home both you and DH need a calm word with your PIL. Discuss obvious hierachy, lack of respect for DH, and future scenarios for your own DC. My guess is the whoke family have had a her lifetime of avoiding SIL tantrums. Say you won't stay again if the hosts can't address this.

This in spades.

SIL and PIL are unbelievably rude. Talk about SIL being the golden child!

Who in their right mind puts a 5yo in a double bed and expects an adult who has just driven 11 hours to see them to sleep on the sofa?!

If you can’t drive home today I’d go to a hotel. I think I’d lose too much respect for PIL to stay there again, even if SIL is not there.

If this a pronounced dynamic then it may help your husband to look into FOG outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/fog-fear-obligation-guilt

Next time arrange to go a day earlier at short notice and bag the double. Set up the single with a dinosaur duvet or similar that nephew will love.

^ This. If DH prefers not to rock the boat so as not to spoil one of his only two long visits to see his family, then pre-empt the situation. After a while it will become the status quo, accepted by everyone without fuss except maybe SIL who will then be shown up as being ridiculous. No way could PIL reasonably turf you out if you arrive first.

This was my first thought too tbh.

Yes it’s ridiculous but it’s only for two nights. You have a bed, dh doesn’t mind being on the sofa so I’d be inclined to just get on with things without causing a fuss.

It’s your dh’s family and he’s happy with
the arrangements.

Absolute joke
if the five year old won’t sleep well in strange environments why the fuck does she go for her ‘sleepovers’ every month

So would I.

Just pack up, turn around, and go.

What a ridiculous situation - pandering to a 5 year old like this! He probably won't even care = his mam and GPs could make and adventure of it - "Now you are big, you can sleep in here . . . ".

Never heard such tosh.

Agree that this would be the second best option.

And this is the third best option.

Yet your DH's batsh*t family have chosen the least appropriate one . . . 😕

It's ridiculous but two nights aren't worth falling out over.

"Thin end" and "wedge" are the words that spring to mind for me.

The brother might be desperate to see his sister - the sentiment obviously doesn't cut both ways.

I'd make sure that DH has a lie in til midday after the really long day of driving and can't be disturbed so that hopefully the inconvenience of not being able to use the living room until some point in the afternoon would make them see sense.

How ridiculous and selfish of your sil. You need to make a stand and get that double room tonight!

This thread is batshit. It really is. Yes the SIL is being entitled and yes the PILs shouldn't indulge it. But 99% of responses on here are SO over the top and family relationship destroying.

OP and baby have beds. This is DH's family. He's fine on the sofa, and he wants to see his sister. Presumably since he rarely sees her, he doesn't want to fall out with her over a couple of nights on a sofa.

It's totally ridiculous to advise OP to make a huge scene and either insist on going home (now THAT is entitled, when it's her DH's family visit) or go to a hotel (which would be more disruptive for her than having the single room).

Good grief.

Idk, you've got a bed. If DH is happy with the sofa I wouldn't ruffle feathers. You won't change other people's families.

It's ridiculous but two nights aren't worth falling out over

which is why PIL should act like decent hosts and insist the double bed goes to OP and her DH and tell SIL to stop being so controlling.

Ridiculous. At the very least sil should be on the sofa!

If I was going to be there again at the same time as sil I'd use a travelodge.

You are a wumman after my own heart!

Your dh sounds like a sap. .

I would be heading home. It's absolutely ridiculous that a 5 year old and adult are being pandered to the point there is another adult son sleeping on the sofa. It shows so little regard for him, you and your child that would be my last visit. If DH wanted to go he could do but himself in future.

Sod that, if I was feeling benevolent, I'd check into a local holiday inn or suchlike.
Failing that, I'd be heading home.

Aside from everything that's already been said in this thread, I don't know if I'm missing something, but what benefit does a 5yo actually gain from a double bed? I know a lot of gangly teenagers like to have the extra space, but 5yos are very compact, so surely a single bed (of the kind that plenty of solo adults happily use) to them is already a 5yo's equivalent of a double to a teen/adult? They've probably spent half their life to date in a cot!

You wouldn't give a 5yo a good adult portion of food, supposing it to be 'nicer' or a treat for them, as it would just be far more than they could or would ever want to eat and thus would just end up being wasted anyway; why is a much-too-big-for-them bed any different?