In laws cleaned our house while away....

[ohnnoclean]

We were away for Christmas. In laws have our key for emergencies. The night before we left, in laws came round. I was in the middle of packing and a lot of things were everywhere ( but the house wasn't actually dirty ).

MIL kept saying, ' don't worry about cleaning the house before you leave, you won't have time '.. ( she's been asking me whether I was packed to go for about a week before I left. I don't pack a week early. I tend to pack the day before and I always manage fine. I travel a lot and always have and have traveled with my kids a lot too, so I do know what I'm doing..

Anyhow, the house wasn't dirty, there was just clothes everywhere as I was packing. MIL kept repeating I should not worry about cleaning.. kind of annoyed me, as it wasn't dirty. But OK.. I ignored it. She then said she'd come and clean while we were away. I said no don't worry at all, it's not dirty..

Of course, we got back and it's clearly been cleaned a bit ( fridge has been cleaned, for example ). Of course I'm grateful and I've said thanks. But I'm really uncomfortable with it. I assume she thinks I'm a dirty cow of course. Just the way she kept saying I shouldn't worry about cleaning - when it wasn't really dirty. The fact she was here when we were not here and the fact I had declined the offer of her cleaning my house.. it's annoyed me. I won't start a fight over it, but next time we go away, this can't happen.

[ImAvingOops]

@isthewashingdryyet Im sorry. If she was generally awful to you then I can see why you reacted as you did.

[Meltinthemiddle]

If it was your mother who did it would you be so annoyed? She was trying to be helpful and useful. Many people try and clean before they go away. My mum always says don't worry about the dishes or let me know if there is anything you want me to do whilst you are away etc. Be grateful and consider yourself fortunate that your mil would do that. My mil just makes more mess and would probably leave with me dishes!

[PeanuttyButter]

My MIL has cleaned my fridge and re organised my cupboards before when she has been feeding the cats for us while we were away. If she calls to drop something off while we are at work she will do the dishes or FIL will mow the lawn or take the bins out. Used to bother me but now it doesn't. They really do just want to help.

[Stressedmum2017]

She obviously has higher standards than you and wanted to make a nice surprise for you on your return. I think it was done with good intentions. Lots of people do have a thorough clean before going away. Not really sure how you make a mess to pack to be honest, the stuff comes out drawers and into the suitcases....

[Boysnme]

I know my MIL thinks my house is not clean enough and does this all the time when we are away.
I used to hate it and worry about what she thought of me but as time has gone on I know that she is just trying to be genuinely helpful and it is amazing to come back to a spotlessly clean and tidy house. Now I just say thank you ( & leave a list of what I want done when we go away 🤣).

I do however just rearrange things that’s she’s taken it upon herself to move to a different place back to where they were, except when frustratingly she has put them in a better place!

[Brefugee]

I could put up with the cleaning, i literally don't care about that kind of thing (and with small DCs i was always glad of help)
But re-arranging my cupboards? that is a "look them in the eye and tell them never to do it again" event.

[Brokendaughter]

Honestly, my first thought was "I wish someone would come & clean my house!", but really it would make me feel very vulnerable & intruded upon if I wasn't there.

It's not that anyone would find anything embarrassing, it's just the thought of someone going through my things & not knowing what I would view as the places that are private that would make me uncomfortable.

I have no idea if she did this to be nice or to be controlling, but either way although I love the theory of someone doing the work for me, in practice I'd rather they didn't unless I was there.

[Sunsetintheeast]

I'd let her judge away. I spend a bit of time on here judging the super cleaners, different folks and all that. She wants to waste her time, let her, but I'd be very clear that your DH is the slovenly one 😂

[user55875537986543]

“MIL kept saying, ' don't worry about cleaning the house before you leave, you won't have time '..“

my take is that your MIL decided she’d clean/tidy for you to be kind and that’s why she kept telling you not to worry about cleaning.

If my MIL came into my house when I was on holiday I’d hate it. But my MIL is, um, tricky.

In a world where I had a MIL who was generally kind and tried to help, I’d try to see the good intention here. I really don’t think there’s judgement attached. Houses do get dirty in minutes with children. And I think you did say she only cleaned a little.

[Ansumpasty]

I wish I had one of these MILs. I’d let her come round and clean daily.

She probably thought it would be a kind gesture to take some weight off your shoulders. If you are sensitive about cleanliness or have things you don’t like seeing in your house, I can understand why you might not like it. She probably saw it as an act of service.
It’s like how some put fresh milk in the fridge and bread in the cupboard. Some might be offended that they’re implying they can’t feed their children, etc. I’d welcome it with open arms

[ohnnoclean]

@Stressedmum2017

She obviously has higher standards than you and wanted to make a nice surprise for you on your return. I think it was done with good intentions. Lots of people do have a thorough clean before going away. Not really sure how you make a mess to pack to be honest, the stuff comes out drawers and into the suitcases....

She does not have higher standards at all.

Um... so I have small children and babies.. their clothes needed to be washed and dried, so they had not been in drawers yet ( well some of them came out of drawers) but a lot I had just washed and dried and layer out etc. you're just trying to bare me.

[HomeAGnome]

I wouldn't want anyone in my house while I was away unless it was agreed

[HarvestThyme]

My parents do this. So I bought them the specific cleaning products they like, and leave them out in a bucket on the counter whenever they visit. They get into tiny spaces with steel wool and toothbrushes. It's quite something.

They have stories to tell about their 'slovenly' daughter, and I have stories to tell about my batshit parents. I also have a kitchen sterile enough to perform surgery. They're happy, and I'm.... amused.

You're not wrong to be offended, OP. But you can choose to be uncaring about the offence. And ask MIL if she has a preferred brand of cream cleaner for next time.

[MrsSquirrel]

I would be uncomfortable with it too. You told her not to come and clean when you were away, she ignored you and did it anyway.

Maybe on one level she 'meant well' and thought was being helpful. But on another level she did it without your permission or knowledge, because she knew you did not agree to it.

Get the keys back and next time you go away make different arrangements.

[IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads]

This used to be my dream, but when we were away in the summer, DM came in and cleaned. She washed the sofa covers and shrank them, now they are ripped from forcing them back on, and somehow ruined a rug - loads of tufts have been pulled out!

[Virginiaplain]

I think you are being petty. This was DMIL thinking she was helping, perhaps she remembers chaotic hols from her or DH’s childhoods.
Just get DH to say you or he feel it’s a bit of an invasion of privacy and prefer she doesn’t do it.
I would def do it for my DDs -don’t have DDIL.

[Pineconederby]

I honestly can’t think of a situation when I’d go into someone else’s home and have the front to (a) rummage in their cupboards and (b) rearrange said cupboards! It’s just so incredibly rude and intrusive 🤯

[vera99]

This is above "First World problems".....😀

[Sunsetintheeast]

@HarvestThyme

My parents do this. So I bought them the specific cleaning products they like, and leave them out in a bucket on the counter whenever they visit. They get into tiny spaces with steel wool and toothbrushes. It's quite something.

They have stories to tell about their 'slovenly' daughter, and I have stories to tell about my batshit parents. I also have a kitchen sterile enough to perform surgery. They're happy, and I'm.... amused.

You're not wrong to be offended, OP. But you can choose to be uncaring about the offence. And ask MIL if she has a preferred brand of cream cleaner for next time.

Brilliant! Do you parents like to holiday in the UK? I'm quite up for a house swap

[forththeroast]

I wouldn't like it either but remember that if she's of that generation where women think that it is the woman's job to clean the house (even if the woman works full-time) then she won't see anything wrong in cleaning your house.

My daughter says she would look at it like she's getting a bonus free clean (she pays a cleaner for her house).

[stayathomer]

She obviously has higher standards than you and wanted to make a nice surprise for you on your return. I think it was done with good intentions. Lots of people do have a thorough clean before going away. Not really sure how you make a mess to pack to be honest, the stuff comes out drawers and into the suitcases....
Do you bring everything from your drawers?!?!?

[Bemyclementine]

She could have thought she was being helpful and doing a nice thing. I do understand where you're coming from, though I'd be delighted if someone cleaned my house

[BeautifulWar]

My MIL was the same. In hindsight it was one of the first red flags when it came to respecting boundaries, who turned out to be absolutely toxic.

That's not the case for all people, though, some people are genuinely trying to help.

[ThatPirateLady]

Why on earth would you thank someone for rearranging your kitchen when you’d already said no?

[GetThatHelmetOn]

I would be mildly embarrassed but grateful.
she was trying to help so unless she now goes around your house pointing out how clean it is after she cleaned it, I think you are taking the wrong end of the stick…