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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone just done with life at middle age

255 replies

HadEnoughNow1 · 23/12/2022 12:51

Anyone else feel in their forties feel they’ve just had enough of life? I feel it’s all such an effort for such a mediocre life. Constant drudgery and daily grind for the occasional joy such as holidays. If I was told tomorrow I only have 6 months to live I think I’d feel relieved.

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 23/12/2022 16:33

No I’m the opposite

cardibach · 23/12/2022 16:37

I’ve had odd bits if my life where it felt a bit like this. I have had proper depression too.
The key (when you can, assisted by meds if necessary) is to work to change the drudgery bits (where possible - I get being a sandwich between kids and elderly parents, but you can still look for practical help) and to find a hobby which totally engrosses you so your moment of joy come at least weekly when you take part. Mine’s a choir where we sing fiendishly difficult music - life affirming stuff.
There’s isn’t a point to life beyond finding what brings you and yours joy. Don’t look for significance. Look for everyday beauty.

EmmaAgain22 · 23/12/2022 16:38

I'll probably get heavily criticised for this but...
OTOH I know what you mean and never saw much value in life

OTOH I have a lot of good things happening and in many ways life is grand. But the elderly parent problem and the prospect of old age...

I don't think any of my problems relate to my age particularly, if that makes sense? I have far fewer worries than in my 20s.

I don't think life is a blessing but I do think things are particularly weird compared to ...2019!

EmmaAgain22 · 23/12/2022 16:39

It does feel that moments of joy are obliterated by elderly parent stress. I'm sure I've had some this year but the last few weeks have knocked it out of my head.

HamBone · 23/12/2022 16:42

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, Op. 💐
It sounds as if you need to find a new direction in your life. As you’re child free, the world is pretty much your oyster! This is a small change, but I took up long distance swimming
at 40 and it’s really helped me physically and mentally. It feels like a real achievement to learn and become competent at something in your 40’s-I could just about do a length before I had lessons, now I can swim a mile and swim it well.

Learning a language is another great mental stimulation ( I’m not doing it but a friend is learning Italian). I think you needs to find some new things to throw yourself into, you’re still fairly young and can do so much with your life.

HamBone · 23/12/2022 16:44

I also have the stress of caring for an elderly parent, plus teenagers, and if I didn’t have my own strong interests, I’d probably be feeling like you, OP. 💐

NImumconfused · 23/12/2022 16:46

I do feel a bit like this too if I'm absolutely honest - I think it may be partly menopause (I'm early fifties) and partly because the last few years have been so different from what I was expecting my life to be like at this point. Kids are mid teens so I was thinking they'd be more independent and I'd be able to do my own thing more, but the pandemic consumed so much of my time for the last 3 years as I work in public health so work has been manic. Then over the same period, my youngest has essentially had a nervous breakdown, now diagnosed with ASD and OCD among other things so dealing with that has been so stressful, plus the inevitable elderly parent issues, I don't feel like I've had a life of my own for years. And the fact that the news is endless doom and gloom doesn't help either...

Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 16:49

OP. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.
Imm mid/late forties and am not feeling this way at all. Even when I was a bit down in the dumps, I never felt as despondent as you currently do and right now, I am living my life and have felt the best I have in a while.

Why are you feeling like everything go is drudgery and a daily grind? We all have our bit to do to keep homes:families ticking over, but there’s way more to life that that.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 23/12/2022 16:50

Oakbeam · 23/12/2022 16:31

YSBU I’m in my 60s and don’t feel remotely like this.

Oh that's ok then 🙄

Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 16:53

Do you have many friends you can see? Activities, hobbies or interests you can participate in?

How do you spend your free time? Are you expecting external factors/people to make you happy, or are you prepared to accept that this has to come from within.

Peri menopause for some can be a real bugger, but there may be other things you can do to help yourself.

Amidoingsomethingwrong · 23/12/2022 16:55

That's sad. No. Life's challenging and tiring sometimes but I relish a challenge and am grateful for every day. There is so much to see and do. So many places to visit. I just need more annual leave and more disposable income.

EmmaAgain22 · 23/12/2022 16:56

HadEnoughNow1 · 23/12/2022 13:09

I’m on anti depressants but they don’t seem to be working. It’s frustrating as I’ve been on anti depressants before and they worked…but this time they are just making me extremely tired, lethargic and hungry (mirtazapine). Perhaps it is peri menopause. I don’t know…I’ve just had enough of the constant daily grind of work, household tasks etc This time of year is hard too as I don’t have kids so Xmas isn’t very exciting.

Missed this in my original reply

I've been on SSRIs for decades but was told to avoid that one as it seems to cause tiredness and hunger - are you sure it's the right one for you? Is it an SNRI? Getting the meds right is so helpful.

I always found xmas boring unless I spent it with friends, which can't happen after dad died. So it's nuisance time of year for me at the mo..on top of many friends vanishing. It will all be over soon.

Butchyrestingface · 23/12/2022 16:56

jetadore · 23/12/2022 13:01

Yeh, I’ve felt like this since I was about 14 tbh.

Same.

In my 40s, I seem to be coming out of a bit though. Smile

potatoesalad · 23/12/2022 17:00

Rowthe · 23/12/2022 16:12

I can see where you are coming from ut not as bad as you.

At my age I feel o should be sorted for life now.

In a good paying job, life sorted and should be able to start enjoying life, holidays etc.

Instead the huge fuck up in this country,.cost of living crisis.

It seems every few days there is a new Crisis. Is the electricity gonna go off?

Nothing available on shelves, having to wait weeks for delivery of simple things. I've been waiting over 2 months for car parts.
Mortgage rates.

All the strikes.

Basic sevice being disrupted.

What should be a time to enjoy all the hard work over the last few years, f'ed up just by circumstances.

This

nothing on the shelves, stikes, services disrupted, deliveries take forever to come, cost of living crises

RestingMurderousFace · 23/12/2022 17:03

I felt very much like that last year, to the point where I would've welcomed a cliff to jump off. A year and a boatload of HRT later, I feel not happy exactly but quietly content. My circumstances haven't really changed but something inside me has.

All that to say, if it can get better for this miserable old bitch, it can for you too. 💐

SuKnackered · 23/12/2022 17:09

I felt exactly like this in my early 40s, @HadEnoughNow1 I could just see my life carrying on unvaryingly until I dropped dead. Same old same old everything. Same house, same boring domestic grind, same route for the school run, same man making the same miserable git comments, same everything. And none of it felt very worthwhile. Things improved when I left my husband, though. Or they went downhill for a fair while, but my late 40s were much better. Not that I'm suggesting this is your problem, but it worked for me. I also joined an orchestra, which was a good thing for me. A dog would have been good too, but I can't commit to one so didn't go down that route.

Aftersevens · 23/12/2022 17:12

Sounds like Peri to me. Two very good friends both been through the same recently. Both went to GP, got hrt, back to themselves again.

beastlyslumber · 23/12/2022 17:15

I felt like this a few years ago (am now 50). Spent a few dark weeks where I was googling "best ways to kill yourself". Since I turned 50 everything has looked up a bit, but to be honest I have totally changed my life and pretty much left everything behind me to start over from scratch. I feel pretty happy most of the time now, although I feel like I want to be on my own the whole time and I get irritated with others very easily! Just want everyone to go away!

beastlyslumber · 23/12/2022 17:16

Oh I should add, there isn't a good way to kill yourself. The painless ways aren't effective, and the effective ways are painful/brutal. Just in case you were wondering. I did think if I found a painless and effective way, I'd do it. But there isn't one, and now I'm pretty okay with that.

Movinghouseatlast · 23/12/2022 17:17

This sounds like perimenopause to me. That flat feeling. HEY changed it, you get your life back.

Movinghouseatlast · 23/12/2022 17:18

Sorry, HRT!

stormywaves · 23/12/2022 17:27

I get it - life just gets tedious. It is just nothing much of any value anymore and you just go through the motions trying to get through each day. And when you do get to do nice things like holidays you can wonder whether it was actually worth it...No answers I'm afraid but I understand where you are coming from. I just take things a bit at a time (hang in there for 3 months) and decide then what to do.

FoxNet · 23/12/2022 17:29

My husband died last month at 39. Growing old is a privilege. Be careful what you wish for.

Zanatdy · 23/12/2022 17:36

46 soon, just met a new man and life feels wonderful again!

megletthesecond · 23/12/2022 17:38

I know I'm fed up with parenting teens that's for sure.