Wedding guest drop outs

[MrMrsJones]

So we are 6 days from our wedding and have 5 people drop out.

Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp

We didn't want two tier guests so everyone is invited to the whole day and evening.

Invited a year a go and invites sent out 6 months ago.

I feel like sending them an invoice.

AIBU, you don't drop out 6 days before the whole thing happens

Honestly it's fine.

I think I've been the last minute stand in more times than I've been the first choice guest. I love a wedding, those people already know you they didn't make the cut but they're first in the list of the people who didn't make it.

I do agree with pp tho, you aren't spending more because they dropped out. Maybe some will still drop off the presents they bought you too (I would!)

It's annoying but inevitable, we had the same - I always expected it, in fact I was surprised how few drop outs we got and some had Covid so not their fault. Being ill and a new job are reasonable excuses. I've been invited as a last minute replacement before and I was happy to go!

focus on the most important thing : YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED.

6 don't turn up. That is life. Those 6 could have turned up and not eaten any of the food or not drunk any of the wine. It doesn't matter. You are not going to make everyone eat every morsel of the food. Or are you going to get upset that people don't finish the mains etc...leave half a salmon uneaten etc.

You are getting married. Everything else is just noise. Enjoy the day

It's not costing you a penny. You'd have paid the £85 regardless. You're still paying it.
Of course it's costing us, we won't get that money back from the venue.

a billion posters are going to tell you to look up the fallacy of sunk costs. In the unlikely event they haven't: look up The Fallacy of Sunk Costs.
You are paying no extra. You don't get any actual benefit from those 5 people attending, unless you are a strict utilitarian and have assigned a Util-value to every single aspect of your wedding (if so: i salute you)

People always drop out of weddings, it is a fact of life and there is really no need to get would up about it beyond a bit of mild irritation at the time they tell you.

When you ask the replacements, how are you doing it? Is it like Hidi Klum and Tim Thingy on Making the Cut? Do you call them and say "X didn't make the final cut, you're in" and expect them not to have at least a fleeting stab of "oh, i'm 2nd tier" at that time? What if something happens to one of your replacements with a day to go and they can't come? do you have a 3rd tier?

Sorry, harsh. You are excited about your wedding and future life with your husband. Focus on that and congratulations and i hope the weather is lovely.

"one just said they didn't fancy it."

That is incredibly rude.

Op the money is spent.

However you could ask your venue if you can get any sort of money back on them at least for the drinks which won't be drunk.
The food possibly more difficult.

"So two have dropped out as not feeling very well."

Unless it's Covid, how do they know they will still be ill in 6 days?

Apart from the person who doesn't feel like it, they all sound like good reasons. It's annoying of course but you are not actually losing money. You are paying for their meals that they are not going to eat but it's not costing you anymore because they aren't turning up.

For our wedding, 2 friends dropped out less than a week before, 2 friends dropped out on the actual day (ceremony at 3pm and one text at 1pm!!!), 1 that just didn't bother to show up and another that left without even saying hello or goodbye half way through the main course.

It's very frustrating!!

Yes, I've had a last minute 'come to the ceremony and evening do' from a friendly acquaintance that wasn't a close friend. Didn't bother me at all.

On the day, tell the venue how many guests are not coming, and ask them to pack away those portions to take away back home afterwards, or give it to your mum or relative to take home.

Then you haven't lost anything.

What you actually mean is I wish I could see into the future.

You don’t seem to be fussed that these people are not coming - only the money. But can’t you understand that you paid this money anyway if they were coming or not.

Your not bothered particular that they won’t be there on your special day. Hence if only you could see into the future you would have saved this money.

Do any of your guests have children that they might like to bring along?

We were invited to a wedding last year but declined the invitation as we couldn’t afford it. On the day, ds1 and dh both had Covid, ds2, ds3 and I were isolating. If we’d have accepted that would have been 5 of us cancelling with very short notice. Quite a few of the brides family also had Covid. Some went some didn’t.

"If I received an invite like that I would quite happily say thanks but no thanks. I am obviously not important enough to you to be invited properly."

Yes, if it was a good friend, but from a more casual friend?

I wouldn't go, the expense etc and being second choice, it would be a no.

I'd go. But then i absolutely LOVE a wedding. And i always end up on the noisy table. Not sure how.

It's a pain in the arse. People are really selfish and don't care about the cost and stress involved.

The one who said he didn't fancy it is just an arsehole. I've had a few people who have dropped out after I've asked them if they'll definitely be coming before sending final numbers. I wonder wtf would've happened if I hadn't have double checked, were they ever going to tell me 🤦‍♀️

I am dubious about 3 of the guests. The rest I think will come. I'll look out for the 3 I am suspicious of and let the staff know to remove their places at the tables before the meal. I just don't want empty spaces :(

They only cf is the one who doesn't fancy it.

The rest are pretty legitimate. Things happen.

I ended up going to a wedding as it happened! A workmate was getting married and a group of colleagues and I had popped down to the registry office to see the bride come out before going off to do our own thing.
On the day of the wedding it snowed and although the city roads were clear none of the bride and grooms out of town family could get out as local roads were snowbound.
The bride asked us if we (there were 6 of us) wanted to come and enjoy the reception meal as 20 people had dropped out on the day of the wedding. We all nipped home, collected our partners and got changed and joined the happy couple at the hotel.

Also I wouldn't be offended about being a back up guest - I know the drill!

So much this.

To be fair, only one of these reasons is unreasonable. Can't help illness, or new job expectations. It's one of those things, I'm afraid. I'm sure they're as gutted as you that they can't make the event, but unless they're playing a significant part of your wedding day, it won't actually affect you that much of they're not there.
You're not losing £85 as you've presumably already paid everything.

When DHs brother got married their dad was a no show. Just didn't come, no message anything.
No one could get in touch with him either as this was pre mobile phone times.

It's not rude at all. Your friend is sick! They can't help it! Maybe you could show a bit of compassion instead.

I have covid and have just had to cancel going to a wedding this weekend. My husband has also decided to not go as it will cost him £200 for the hotel for the night, plus travel from the midlands to London (say another £60ish in petrol), plus drinks (£30-40?) and then some food on the following day. Maybe I should drag myself out of bed to avoid an £85 fine from our friend though!

I think the problem is that when you ask people 6 to 12 months in advance, it's very hard to predict what's going to happen in the interim. Are there 5 people you can now invite?