Wedding guest drop outs

[MrMrsJones]

So we are 6 days from our wedding and have 5 people drop out.

Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp

We didn't want two tier guests so everyone is invited to the whole day and evening.

Invited a year a go and invites sent out 6 months ago.

I feel like sending them an invoice.

AIBU, you don't drop out 6 days before the whole thing happens

It’s annoying but usually people have a good reason.

Of course it's costing us, we won't get that money back from the venue.

But you were always going to pay it. You were paying £85 for Bob, Rita etc to have a meal. You are still paying £85. You have not incurred any extra costs.

Sure you could have had some other people instead, and it is bloody rude. But your bill has not increased.

The point is If They'd have come, you wouldn't have had that cahs back either, it's what you expected to spend so it isn't costing you money you wouldn't have paid, you're just lower in guests.

Can't really blame the ill people - do you want them to risk vomiting during the speeches or giving everyone gastric flu etc?

Jib person, they can't quit their job for your wedding 🙄

Don't fancy it person, your friend or DPs? I'd def be distancing myself unless reason to assume it's something else

I guess I wouldn't mind if they were the flat fee IYGWIM as in we paid £ for 80 people so if 50 turned up it was the same price.

But we paid for extra people

They already know they're less important because they weren't invited

But you would have paid it if they'd turned up and pushed it round the plate for an hour and not eaten it or scoffed it all and their neighbours. Of course it's annoying, and it's reasonable to be upset. But try to reframe it as "money already paid" not money you're losing which suggests extra costs now

Don't fancy it person is my elderly "sort of dad"

Just having a meh moment, I'm sure it will all be fine and we will have a lovely day

Great!

I recently couldn’t go to a family members wedding. My baby had a sickness bug, so our babysitters couldn’t have her as they have a baby the same age and it just wasn’t fair to give them an ill baby AND a vomiting bug. Both of my parents were abroad and all of my partners family were at the wedding (it was a his side of the family wedding). Our babysitters were coming to the same place the wedding was in in order to look after baby, who was still reliant on boob, so I could nip over if needed (2 hours away from home).
There was nothing different we could have done than me stay at home with baby and my partner go.

I felt terrible but thankfully they were really understanding.

We had 5 members of DH's family pull out with less than a week to go, they never gave a reason. And one of my oldest friends didn't even show up and then messaged me a few days afterwards to say they'd forgotten (!) It's rude and frustrating when you have to fund it, equally not a lot you can do. Is there anyone else you would have invited if numbers allowed that you could offer a place to?

It's a sunk cost

I would invite others & just say - love you to join us , we had limited space but due to circumstances we now have places .sorry short notice would you like to come along. If friends I am sure they would understand

Really annoys me when people did this for my wedding...

I invited newer friends, ones who I didn't necessarily know or were close with when original invites were sent out. Then they didn't feel like second class friends as they didnt know you well before, but felt honoured they were the first to be asked when spaces became available.

@Relevanceiskey - I think that is a nice way of doing it

But you are paying the same whether they are there or not. You are not being charged for them not being there.

Don't focus on it, it's absolutley inevitable at any event or gathering that you'll get a drop out/don't turn up rate. Just because it's your wedding doesn't make that any different, humans have situations. Handle the stand ins carefully, don't expect much back from them as they will probably feel like rent a crowd.

Try not to see it that you missed out on frilly bits to ask people that couldn't come, more that you're throwing a party to celebrate your wedding and naturally there was a drop out percentage. Don't let it spoil the run up, and have fun!

I think it's just one of those things that you have to accept, cut your losses and carry on. Massively annoying though I'm sure.

DH couldn't attend a family members very expensive wedding recently, he's military & was sent away the night before, we did tell the bride & groom that this might happen from the start and they were both understanding when we sent his apologies, but it was still incredibly embarrassing & I couldn't help feeling very guilty, every time the servers brought out his courses and put them in his empty place.

I don't think this is true at all. Most people understand the dynamics of weddings and the trickiness of invites. Those you've now invited will probably love the idea of joining you on your special day.

I had my cousin and her two kids decide they weren't coming 1 week before my wedding, no real reason just think they decided a week before that they couldn't be bothered traveling the 100 miles from where they lived (kids were in their 20s so not school kids or anything). Annoyingly we had a small wedding and had to completely redo our seating plan and reorganise a lot. No apology after, haven't heard from them since. Would much prefer if they'd just said no from the start

Oh god OP I understand your frustration!

We got married in April and the week of the wedding 8 people pulled out. Some for really pathetic reasons. Sickness, childcare etc you understand but some reasons were just rubbish and could tell they just didn’t want to go. (Wanted to watch the boxing instead, found a cheap deal on a night away hotel as it was £15 cheaper my wedding night rather than the Friday so booked it and cancelled on my wedding instead)

When you spend money on people’s place and food yes it is frustrating! Especially when it is so late notice… you have my sympathy

I can promise you that you won’t miss them on the day, you’ll have an amazing day. Actually on my wedding day apparently another 5 people didn’t show and I didn’t even realise!

If I was a newish friend I’d be thrilled to
get a stand in invite tbh

have a think about people who you might want to be god friends with - or people who you think might be good at getting the dance floor going 😁- and just say you’ve had some drop outs and if they can come it would
be fab!

They haven't really "cost" you anything. The cost is the same whether they attend or not.

I agree it's poor to cancel so late, so I'd assume they have good reasons.

Depends entirely on the reason. One of my friends dropped out 4 days before our wedding over something silly. That pissed me off but she was regretful afterwards and we've made amends now.

A friend of DH's and his wife dropped out 2 days before because his Dad was in intensive care. That was absolutely fine and completely understandable.

We had invited someone extra about 4 weeks before due to a cancellation as it was someone that we knew wouldn't be offended, but when it was within a week we didn't invite anyone else.

It is sad you have gone without your 'frilly bits' to have been able to stretch to inviting them. I wonder if people knew that whether they would be so quick to drop out. I would invite young friends to get the party going and enjoy it regardless. This is not about them, its about you and your dh to be. So try and forget about it - prepare yourself for a few more at the last minute and focus on the guests that are coming.

We had 4 people just not turn up and 2 bridesmaids decided they didn't want to be in the wedding party, both less than a week before the wedding, one still came but just as a guest but the other didn't come at all. 🤷‍♀️ people are assholes

Oh and in case it helps OP, when we invited someone reasonably late on I pitched it as 'some of the people we had to invite have had to cancel, so now we've got a bit more space for the people we want, we'd love you come if you can'.