Wedding guest drop outs

[MrMrsJones]

So we are 6 days from our wedding and have 5 people drop out.

Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp

We didn't want two tier guests so everyone is invited to the whole day and evening.

Invited a year a go and invites sent out 6 months ago.

I feel like sending them an invoice.

AIBU, you don't drop out 6 days before the whole thing happens

Illness is a good reason and can't be anticipated in advance, though depends a bit on what 'not very well' means: the flu is a good reason; a hangover less so; pretending to be ill so as to be free to go to a party that looks like more fun, even less so! New job- also a good reason, and they may not have realized that the employers would be so inflexible. 'Just not fancying it' especially at the last minute is definitely not a good reason!!!

I do think that with any big event, there are likely to be a few last-minute drop-outs, and budgeting unfortunately has to allow for that,

We had a number of people drop out of ours last minute (Covid wedding).

We were on a fixed price deal with the venue and the equivalent was £150 a head.

The venue rejigged the table plans for us, so it didn't look so silly and threw in lots of extra wine to make up for the fact that we weren't at our full numbers.

We didn't expect a refund though as we'd agreed the price with the venue in the first instance.

If someone had contacted us and said they didn't want to come any more, or had had a better offer, I'd have been pissed off.

Being ill, or being the partner/relative of an invited sick person is entirely justifiable for not coming.

We would never have "upgraded" any of the evening guests though.

OP, your guests' excuses seem reasonable to me, so, kindly, you're being a bit overdramatic.

At the moment it seems like a disaster, but I promise you, on the day you'll barely get a chance to speak to everyone anyway, so you'll barely notice they're not there.

Leave the invite open to say if they feel up to it they can pop along later.

We had a few people drop out when I got married, but as we had sit down hot & cold buffet, it just meant there was more food, rather than. Can’t remember exact numbers but e.g. we paid for 80 covers, & 70 came.

Also, since Covid, people are more likely to cancel going somewhere if they have something -even if not Covid- that might be catching. In the past, people were often regarded as heroes if they carried on despite the flu or similar, and selfish wimps if they didn't. Nowadays, there's more of an attitude of 'we don't want your germs'. On balance, I prefer the latter.

It’s really annoying. We had about 5 drop outs. An entire family as the child was ill which was fair enough. But one of my friends had a better offer so said he’d just come to the vows part as that what the main bit. Didn’t seem to realise the £100 we’d spent per head on food for afterwards.

And I don’t think people factor this in when being flakey. That you won’t get the money on their meals back and it is pricey per head. That you’ve agonised over numbers and not invited certain people so they can come.

Anyway. New job - fair enough. Illness - 6 days before is unusual. Unless it’s really bad flu or pneumonia or something. A cold/ sickness bug you’d expect to clear. Illness would normally be a day before pull out so this would worry me that there may be more people ‘Iill’ the day before.

The one who didn’t fancy it. I’d be furious to be honest. Don’t accept the invite then. I wonder struggle to stay friends. Make sure they realise there is a cost per head and you won’t get that back.

I had two people drop out the week before and 1 person just didn't show on the day. Sadly it's not uncommon.

I got married at the end of August, and we had this, even though we sent reminder emails, it's very annoying, but if people are sick, or can't come what can you do. Enjoy your day op

I think if you're planning a party that involves over 30 people it's inevitable you'll get one or two drop outs. Event planners who do this for a living could probably tell us to the exact % per 100 people.

To add, people may not want to give the real reason they aren't coming. Some of us are less assertive / people pleasers

'I am unwell' could well be code for 'I don't want to use a days holiday'

It is not costing you a penny.

It is more the case that £500 or so of money you have already lost was more of a waste of money than it would have been had they turned up!

Unless you find stand ins of course.

Annoying, but not much point getting stressed. Find stand ins if you can, or just enjoy the wedding and honeymoon... and if anyone was taking the piss then maybe treat them differently in future. New job and sick are good reasons, elderly sort of dad is weirder.

I do think that an awful lot of people say yes to things because of obligation and despite having zero interest, then back out at the last minute as the day of misery approaches!

Would no one else be worried about doesn't fancy it man? If anyone I was close to said that to me I'd be worried they were struggling with something. OP will know if it's out of character, but I think it's odd to immediately go to CF, rather than what's wrong.

If you're "agonising" about who to invite, or the additional cost per head is causing you great financial difficulty, you should probably not have such an expensive wedding

I had a buffet wedding and deliberately underestimated numbers for this very reason

I got some drop outs too, people are inconsiderate

Invite someone else. We’ve been last minute fill ins several times and have always been very grateful and had a great time. Plus you will hopefully still get gifts from the drop outs and the fill ins!

Anyone else you can invite last minute? Perhaps a new friend who you didn’t know that well when you sent the invites out but do now?

We we’re evening guests to a wedding this year but the day before they had a drop out and she invited us to the day as well! We were really happy to be invited even last minute as it was a free meal for us and lovely day :) didn’t know her that well when she sent the original invites out but actually knew her really well when she extended the day invite to us so it worked out really well.

I do think that an awful lot of people say yes to things because of obligation and despite having zero interest, then back out at the last minute as the day of misery approaches!

This, I am guilty of this

And?

Do you imagine that you are on the A list for everyone you know and like? If so, I have a lovely bridge I'd like to sell you...

DH and I were very likely filler guests for some newish friends 10+ years ago. We didn't mind at all as it was a lovely day out, we knew a lot of people from mutual work/ baby groups, and we've since become closer friends over the years.

I'm just putting this out there because sometimes it can feel like everyone on MN overanalyses these situations. Not everyone does, and you know your friends/ family better than we do as to whether or not they will.

We had this problem but most people had a genuine reason e.g. covid.
It cost us a lot of money and I was very angry at the time! However, I mitigated some of it by inviting some people last minute (some people decided to bring a plus one) and any of the spare meals my DH ate because he was so hungry by 5pm 😂. Extra food and cake for everyone too so if worked out ok in the end.

*extra wine and cake!

People do drop out though, that's how it goes with any event/occasion.. you should have been prepared for that when starting your wedding planning and don't take it personal. Sure they will have a good reason or as you know we are in a cost of living crisis and probably just can't afford it themselves

Where is it? I was at a wedding last week, if it is local I could reuse my outfit and eat your buffet! 🤣

You could have 6 guest MNers at your wedding!

Too late now, but next time time you have a special occasion - do have your frilly bits and don't sacrifice having what you really want for flaky people that let you down. You are probably annoyed because that money would have made all the difference in terms of extras.

I don't think YABU at all OP and I totally get it. We had similar rubbish excuses and I felt the same. The only advice I can offer in hindsight is, try to see the bigger picture and forget the money it's cost you, as frustrating as it is. Try to focus in the people who are coming and who are looking forward to celebrating with you.

We had 3 no shows at our wedding and 4 drop outs a month beforehand and just after the deadline for the number of attendees. That was bloody annoying. With the 4, the money had been spent for the meal so the caterers made a pièce montée.