Wedding guest drop outs

[MrMrsJones]

So we are 6 days from our wedding and have 5 people drop out.

Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp

We didn't want two tier guests so everyone is invited to the whole day and evening.

Invited a year a go and invites sent out 6 months ago.

I feel like sending them an invoice.

AIBU, you don't drop out 6 days before the whole thing happens

It's incredibly rude of them. Best advice I can give is to try and not be resentful, and see it as you have wasted £80 on X, and just try and view that as money that has gone into your overall wedding pot, so that you can have a wonderful day (annoying when you think about what you could have spent that money on, but it is better to try and get into the above mindset, and enjoy your day!).

As for the extra meals - can you offer them to suppliers instead? Not to sit with you/at your guest's table, but for the caterers to hand to your photographer etc (the all day suppliers) to them to take a plate and eat it wherever they would have gone during that time anyway.

You're presumably still within the costs you've budgeted for. The cost hasn't gone up because they're not coming.

This is something you need to allow for when planning a big event, it happens, it's outside your control, and there's nothing you can do about it. Try and fill-in, adjust the table plans, and just focus on enjoying the day. Don't turn into bridezilla over something so trivial.

'I feel like sending them an invoice.'

This perfectly sums up modern attitudes to weddings.

Wow, there are still people that don't cater for the photographer, etc. unless a guest doesn't turn up?

I would invite six people you had on a reserve list and explain, we’ve had a few drop outs and numbers were tight, so we’d love you to come. When I was single, this happened twice to me, I was invited the day before due to other guests being ill. I didn’t mind at all.

This is a really good idea from @QueSyrahSyrah - definitely a positive way to put it and make the extras feel wanted.

I wouldn't mind getting a last minute invite. Post covid, I think most people understand that plans change. Good luck for your big day 😊

Its a known issue. I have yet to attend a wedding where everyone who was invited (& accepted) turned up. I think some people wimp out and accept with no intention of turning up as they don't want to look bad by saying no thanks.

I have wondered whether using an airline technique and overbooking, banking on the people would drop out is worth pursuing.

'New job... not their fault'

Most employers would honour previous arrangements such as weddings.

I'd be unimpressed too op. Unless the ill people are hospitalised how can they possibly know they'll still feel ill in a week!

Have they all got form for being flakey? Some people are just rude and entitled sadly.

I don't think you get to decide if they're ill enough or if they should be able to have time off. The doesn't fancy it, if it's someone you actually care about, would worry me. Is he OK?

I have been a 'fill in guest'... well I would've been if I had accepted the invite 3 days before

Thanks but no thanks

I got a last minute invite to a work colleague’s wedding, I would never have been invited but she said openly that they had had a number of last minute cancellations and there was a minimum number requirement from the venue so herself and her husband cobbled together a work colleague table each. It was an awesome venue (probably one of the coolest wedding venues in Sydney) and we had the best time. We all chipped in for a voucher as a wedding present which we thought might go some way to covering the cost of the table. We really liked her so win win.

At least they've told you in advance. One couple cancelled on us shortly before the wedding (complicated pregnancy, risk of premature birth, didn't want to travel), fair enough, even though I privately thought that these were issues which they could have foreseen a bit further away from the wedding date, I appreciate it wasn't top of everyone's agenda. However, another 10 or so people just didn't turn up to the wedding, no apology given at all. Not only was it extra money spent, but it meant that a couple of tables had loads of empty spaces at the meal, which made me feel sorry for the people who were there. If I'd have had a few days to be able to invite more people as replacements, I would have done. I don't think people would be offended at being invited late, as long as they weren't close enough that they would have been expecting an initial invite. I wouldn't mind at all being a late invitee in those circumstances. I once went to a wedding where I was the only one of my family not invited: my sister got an initial invite with a plus one, and chose to bring me as her plus one. My parents got invites in the second round, and even, quite sweetly, my dc as the couple knew I wouldn't have childcare once my parents were attending, and eventually even my other siblings got late invites.

I have no idea why this annoys you so much It will always happen that last minute things will come up and that a small handful of people won't be able to come. You aren't out of pocket as you have paid anyway. It may be that these guests can't afford to come or as you say, they are unwell. Don't let it upset you , have a lovely day .

But they're sick. You're not a child. You understand people become ill.

And a new job, again what did you expect her to do? Pass up the job?

You're not the only priority.

3 people dropped out from my wedding. One for genuine reason, one was teenager, so I don't spend too much time thinking of his decision (his parents came) and third one was my BIL's girlfriend. I am actually only annoyed with her and she won't get invitation to any other occasions that will come up. It costed us too much hassle (and money for room and place at the wedding) and no explanation from her in exchange.

I can definitely understand your annoyance. The people who feel ill - unless it's literally something like they've been diagnosed with cancer then that's not a reasonable excuse 6 days before the wedding! Most people with minor illnesses won't still have them a week later. I'd expect people dropping out with, for example a stomach bug the day before the wedding, not 6 days in advance!

Same with the partner, unless they only know you through the sick partner in which case I can understand why they wouldn't attend.

The one whose job won't let them have the time off - on one hand they are limited in what they can do, you can't expect them

So overall pretty flaky excuses and although pps have offered ways to reframe it in your mind, which is probably the best possible way to do it (as they don't seem to be bothered so the only one negatively affected is you!). However I must admit I would struggle to refrain from being passive aggressive the next time I met up with them and they asked how the wedding went, something like "the wedding itself was lovely but it was really gutting a number of people dropped out, each person cost £85 so it added up to nearly a grand we lost out on."

I agree with the pp who said that people have been more selfish and less likely to stick to their commitments since covid so saying something might make them think! Obviously depends on how close you are to them and if you want to risk an argument....!

Sorry I deleted the sentence about the person with the job - basically it said you can't expect them to risk their job just for a wedding BUT ideally they should have asked about it as soon as they got the job -most places do honour previously booked leave and even if they didn't they should have told you as soon as their circumstances changed.

The pps advice about how to word invites to new people suggesting they are wanted guests is good.

Trust me they will know they are back ups. If I received an invite like that I would quite happily say thanks but no thanks. I am obviously not important enough to you to be invited properly.

As others have said you would have been better to treat it as a sunken cost rather than offend your (not close otherwise they would have already been invited) friends and family

Illness and work, not really their fault. Not fancying it. 😬 At least he’s honest and it did make me laugh a bit. But yes, that’s a bit rude. It doesn’t really matter though, you’ll get married and have a good day regardless.

Of the reasons you say they gave, only the one who "didn't fancy it" has been rude. The other reasons are valid reasons (though they could of course be excuses)

It's very annoying but no point dwelling on it.

A long time ago me and DH were invited to a no kids family wedding. But when some adult guests dropped out last minute our DC were allowed to come and we were very grateful.

Hope you have a lovely day x

I think it depends who it is. If it was local and someone I would never have expected to invite me, but who I like and wish well in their marriage, I'd be happy to go at the last minute. I probably wouldn't spend a fortune on outfit or gift, but I'd be happy to make up the numbers

Sounds very disappointing OP. I only had one person cancel last minute, I don't really think cancellations on the week of is as normal as some posters say it is. I also had 4 people who didn't RSVP show up on the day.

I can understand your frustration and agree that 'didn't fancy it' fella is pretty rude only letting you know at the point in proceedings. The other reasons sound valid to me though.