Wedding guest drop outs

[MrMrsJones]

So we are 6 days from our wedding and have 5 people drop out.

Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp

We didn't want two tier guests so everyone is invited to the whole day and evening.

Invited a year a go and invites sent out 6 months ago.

I feel like sending them an invoice.

AIBU, you don't drop out 6 days before the whole thing happens

Can you imagine getting an invoice for a wedding you'd pulled out of?

I would hoot.

Very frustrating but very normal. We had several people who dropped out and then changed their minds. So annoying.

you say someone couldn’t get the time off work, is your wedding on a weekday? If so, I think you have to expect more dropouts as work needs can be unpredictable.

Those costs where mostly your unnessacery choice.

I have never spent £90 on a jacket in my life, my own wedding dress only cost £10 more than that.

Who on earth spends £245 on a wedding gift?

£320 is insane for a hotel for a night (or even two) you have the capability to shop around, I have gone to some wedding in the back end of nowhere with very little local options and still found places to stay that where no where near £160 a night.

You made bad finacial choices thats not on the bride or an example of common costs.

its not costing you a single penny more that you would have spent.

That money is gone the second you booked and paid for it, you feel you didnt get full 'value' for your money but you didnt 'lose' it.

Its like ordering a meal at a resteraunt, eating half and being full so not eating the rest, you dont suddenly get half off your bill just because you didnt use everything you could have used - it costs the same either way.

Definitely normal. We had a call the morning of our wedding to say two guests + child were not coming as child had reacted to jabs. (Both the adults has originally dropped out from being bridesmaid/groomsman).

Then we had a further 16 not turn up to the evening party. Could have saved so much money if they'd let us know they were not bothered before final numbers confirmed.

@mam0918 £100 gift per guest (so £200 per couple) is totally standard and I've heard recently married couples complaining they were given less in cash than they were expecting, and naming names! The whole wedding thing is just crazy at the moment the lengths people are expected to go to as a guest.

And I know 'it's an invite not a summons' but you do feel obliged to attend friends and families weddings. I would love to go to them in fact if they weren't always miles from home and child free.

We couldn't go to my husband's first cousin's wedding recently because it was 8 hours drive away, lasted 3 days, and was child free (even for close family).

We declined as soon as possible and didn't cost them anything.

My husband still sent him £100 (unbeknownst to me, but his choice) and his cousin hasn't even sent a thank you note.

P.s. of course they had included an excruciating poem asking for money in the invitation.

But you can't (easily) book a wedding within 8 weeks, we booked ours 12 months in advance and that was short notice for lots of people who booked there. Church couldn't give us our first date a year in advance so had to move it. It would be crazy to do all that then send an invite (no save the date) with two months notice. You'd have no guests! You need to read the thread about booking your friends in 3 months ahead if you think issuing a weekend invite with two months notice is reasonable

So would you Mom have not given you more notice that it would be too much for her to come to your wedding? She'd have left it to the last minute, confirm and pay and then announce she didn't fancy it?

Isn’t the etiquette to send save the date cards so people who want to come (close friends and family) pop it in their diary then invites go out 8 weeks before with an RSVP of a good month before the wedding. Then you know where you are.

Well you've chosen to buy a new expensive jacket, book an expensive hotel and give a generous gift. All your choice so unsure why you feel ripped off

Maybe ...if she felt she could cope and then felt she couldn't

There's often no option of where to stay if the wedding is in the arse end of nowhere.

Dont assume everyone wants to come to your wedding its not always important to others, that people are getting married.
At the end of the day its your special day and as long as you are there together that is all that matters.

So don't agree to go. If you aren't interested, say no. Not yes then make up a lie at the last minute. It isn't complicated.

I'd expect my Mom to be honest with me at least and not make u pa hurtful lie, but that's just me.

Maybe only invite people who are super close like very close friends and very close family and then it won’t feel like a “waste”

Yes, not everywhere has a Premier Inn around the corner! If I hadn't paid £160 a night to stay at the hotel where the wedding was based I'd have had to spend a small fortune on taxis to stay somewhere cheaper 20 miles away. Why should I have to stay in some grotty B+B in order to attend a wedding?

I'm not normally someone who's that fussed by clothes but I knew I'd be in the family group photos, so I felt under pressure to buy something decent. If I could have found something suitable cheaper I would have bought it.

100 gift per guest (so £200 per couple) is totally standard

Is this written down somewhere?

We could have made money with our wedding. As it was, we asked guests to just bring themselves. No gifts necessary or expected.

I've had newish friends in the past invite me last minute due to people dropping out and I have attended and had a great time! At no point did the invite make me feel inferior. Weddings are complicated but I hope you have an amazing day!

We had 5 dropouts the afternoon before. Luckily we did have evening only guests as we were a but limited in numbers for the day do and my friend, husband and 3 kids filled their places. Try and open it up to new friends maybe that you have made since initially sending the invites a long time ago?

Of course there is, we have always found somewhere cheaper to stay and the wedding DH family have have been out in the back of fuck nowhere in forgot castles and stately homes.

yep... we got a £20 resteraunt voucher, £25 amazon card, an engraved cheese board, a spice rack and a few cards (some with £20 in here and there).

I dont know anyone thats recieve £100 per guest in gifts, definately not standard here.

Sometime parents give some money, might be in the hundreds but certainly not common from guests in my experiance (and I work in the wedding industry).