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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why "it's the man's job" to drive?

214 replies

FromDespairToHere · 14/09/2022 14:52

DP and I went away last week. Bit of a road trip with a couple of stops for a few nights in each. About 5 hours drive to first place, 2 hours to the second place then 4 hours home.

We went in his car because it's bigger than mine but shared the driving so overall about 55/45 him/me. Back in work this week and talking to two different women who have done similar holidays over the last couple of weeks and they were aghast that I'd done so much driving. Both do drive but one did about an hour total and the other not at all. When I asked why both of them separately gave the above answer: "it's the man's job."

AIBU to not understand that? Why should my poor DP have to be the one who is alert all the time while I am chauffeured? Our way we each got the chance for a little snoozle while the other one drove.

OP posts:
Stroopwaffle5000 · 14/09/2022 14:54

I do all the driving because I quite like to drive and OH doesn't. He'll only drive if I've had a drink. My best friend and her husband are the same.

washingbasketqueen · 14/09/2022 14:55

I like driving so prefer to do it. We have a car each but his is less practical than mine so if we do any trips we go in mine and I drive. I think it's old fashioned for men to only drive- my parents are like this.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2022 14:55

I agree that it really isn’t.

Alot of men want to do the driving, insist on it. Whether for looking manly, exerting control, or just giving their partner the more tiring and difficult job of entertaining any babies and toddlers in the car. And then claim the need to rest when you get there!

You’re right to share the driving.

magma32 · 14/09/2022 14:55

Well why refer to anything as a man’s job or a woman’s job, surely we’ve moved on from any type of fixed gender roles whether it’s driving or taking the trash out cooking etc.

Babymamaroon · 14/09/2022 14:55

I love driving and am happy doing v long drives.

My DH prefers to drive when we're together and I'm happy for him to tbh.

We do share if he'd like a drink but whenever I normally offer he says he's happy to drive.

So, no major reason, just down to preferences...

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2022 14:55

I also like driving I should add. I get car sick sometimes even in the front passenger seat so driving is preferable.

Helgadaley · 14/09/2022 14:56

DH does 99% of the driving because I hate it. I'll only drive if I really have to.

ifonly4 · 14/09/2022 14:57

I suffer from travel sickness (sometimes even get it driving) so have to do most of the long distance driving. DH doesn't mind, as it gives him chance to relax (works long hours). Only problem is that my hips hurt sitting for so long, so we have to stop every couple of hours.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2022 14:58

I love driving and am happy doing v long drives.

My DH prefers to drive when we're together and I'm happy for him to tbh.

We do share if he'd like a drink but whenever I normally offer he says he's happy to drive.

If you love driving, why doesn’t your preference get taken into account?

Also, why does it suddenly become Ok for you to drive if he wants a drink? Don’t you want a drink?

Arucanafeather · 14/09/2022 14:58

Stroopwaffle5000 · 14/09/2022 14:54

I do all the driving because I quite like to drive and OH doesn't. He'll only drive if I've had a drink. My best friend and her husband are the same.

Same in our house. Well, my DH does like to drive but I get car sick so find it easier if I drive.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 14/09/2022 14:58

I do all the driving. DH doesn't do any. I'm fine with it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2022 14:58

I suffer from travel sickness (sometimes even get it driving)

I have even got it mildly when driving, but it’s always by far my best option.

Treaclex69 · 14/09/2022 14:59

I don't mind driving but if DH is with me then 90% of the time he drives purely because he wants to as he's a professional driver by trade. If he's had a drink or needs a lift then I will drive no problem never because it's a " man's " job though.

Youdoyoutoday · 14/09/2022 15:00

I sometimes get travel sick in the passenger side so do most of the driving. Definitely can't sit in the back 🤮

Sunshineandflipflops · 14/09/2022 15:00

I recently drove 7 hours home form Cornwall. My dp can drive but his licence is currently with the DVLA for medical reasons. He is also more of a nervous driver than me, whereas I am a nervous passenger so it doesn't bother me.

I am also used to driving a lot for my job and love just listening to a podcast and having some me time! Quite miss it now I am mostly WFH.

AlisonDonut · 14/09/2022 15:00

Not in our house it isn't.

Sunshineandflipflops · 14/09/2022 15:01

My mum rarely drives though and never if she's with my dad (in their late 70's). I assumed it was more of a generational thing. When we went on holiday, my dad would do all of the driving, even though it was mostly to the South of France! I couldn't let my partner do that if I could drive!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2022 15:02

youdoyoutoday i absolutely cannot and will not sit in the back either. Never again.

Recently went on the Eurostar and they had changed the reservations so my seat was now backwards. That also can’t ever happen again!

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 14/09/2022 15:02

Meh, each coupe to their own, why does it matter as long as everyone's happy and if your friends aren't happy then it's up to them to discuss with their partners

I remember reading an almost word for word the same OP, if that wasn't you there must be quite the number of couples who discuss the driving habits of others 😁

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 14/09/2022 15:03

So they can get at least an extra 24 hours of holidays when they get back, of course.

"Oh I'm so tired after having driven All That Way. Let's have a takeaway/ I'll just have a nap while you put the kids down/ I need to go for a run to stretch my legs..." Etc

Socksey · 14/09/2022 15:05

I let him drive because he's a godawful passenger... the literal epitome of a back-seat driver... and hates the way I drive (despite him having points on his licence, several crashes and destroyed several cars... and I've not)... anyway... he does so little about the place that he can do something...

jalu47 · 14/09/2022 15:05

Just come back from a week in Cornwall (from London) and I drove all the way there and back. It's habit more than anything - I admit I'm a bit of a back seat driver 🙈 so less stressful all round if I do it! DP sits in back and entertains DS - I think I've got the easier job 😂

timeforthebeach · 14/09/2022 15:06

My DH generally drives as he's a terrible passenger so it's better for us both that way.
Sometimes I drive if he has work to do so he can concentrate on the calls.

Startuplife · 14/09/2022 15:06

DP does most of the driving unless he is really tired because my driving terrifies him 😂
Im actually a perfectly good driver but him being in the car makes me nervous!

etulosba · 14/09/2022 15:08

I think it's old fashioned for men to only drive- my parents are like this.

I think it’s just down to the couple. I don’t know what era your parents are from but driving responsibilities have been split evenly in my family. Even with my grandparents who were old enough never to have needed to take driving tests.