To wonder why "it's the man's job" to drive?

[FromDespairToHere]

DP and I went away last week. Bit of a road trip with a couple of stops for a few nights in each. About 5 hours drive to first place, 2 hours to the second place then 4 hours home.

We went in his car because it's bigger than mine but shared the driving so overall about 55/45 him/me. Back in work this week and talking to two different women who have done similar holidays over the last couple of weeks and they were aghast that I'd done so much driving. Both do drive but one did about an hour total and the other not at all. When I asked why both of them separately gave the above answer: "it's the man's job."

AIBU to not understand that? Why should my poor DP have to be the one who is alert all the time while I am chauffeured? Our way we each got the chance for a little snoozle while the other one drove.

[BigFatLiar]

@RampantIvy

I don't understand the "the car is too big for me to drive" nonsense. With power steering and parking sensors big cars are as easy as small cars to drive.

I think it is different when you are talking about vans or motor homes because your all round visibility and manoeuvrability is different.

Only if the car has power steering.

OH's car is big, no power steering and I have to run the seats as far forward as I can to reach the pedals.

[EgonSpengler2020]

@RampantIvy

I don't understand the "the car is too big for me to drive" nonsense. With power steering and parking sensors big cars are as easy as small cars to drive.

I think it is different when you are talking about vans or motor homes because your all round visibility and manoeuvrability is different.

Large vans and motorhomes are generally very square and short at the front, so if you know the size of your vehicle and that limitation, and know when to ask for help (instruct your passenger to get out in the rain to watch you back), large modern vehicles are suprisingly easy to drive and manourvre. Most situations where I see large vehicles in difficulty is where there has been a failure to lookup, think and plan ahead, a good driver of any size vehicle should be doing these things anyway.

[RampantIvy]

I don't understand the "the car is too big for me to drive" nonsense. With power steering and parking sensors big cars are as easy as small cars to drive.

I think it is different when you are talking about vans or motor homes because your all round visibility and manoeuvrability is different.

[giveovernate]

@Stroopwaffle5000

I do all the driving because I quite like to drive and OH doesn't. He'll only drive if I've had a drink. My best friend and her husband are the same.

Snap!

[EgonSpengler2020]

@AlisonDonut

I remember when I went to buy a van. The guy kept talking to my OH, he said 'don't tell me, it's her that's buying a van'. I made him put two new tyres on before I'd buy it and yes, I measured the tread in front of him.

My mother does this 'Did X get tired driving to France'. Well, he slept quite a bit on the passenger seat whilst I drove 90% of the way if that helps.

I had this when DH and I went in to hire an Iveco with a tail lift to move house, DH doesn't have C1 on his license but I do, not my virtue of age, but through doing the additional training/test. The guy hiring it to us was asking my DH if I would be able to manage driving it. I had to point out, to the patronising misogynistic twat, I'd been a paramedic driving vehicles this size on blue lights for a decade 😡

[AlisonDonut]

I remember when I went to buy a van. The guy kept talking to my OH, he said 'don't tell me, it's her that's buying a van'. I made him put two new tyres on before I'd buy it and yes, I measured the tread in front of him.

My mother does this 'Did X get tired driving to France'. Well, he slept quite a bit on the passenger seat whilst I drove 90% of the way if that helps.

[Ffsmakeitstop]

Oh I've just remembered. We broke down a couple of weeks ago and had to be towed by the RAC. We were all sat in his van and he was chatting to DH about cars and I answered and he actually said "oh do you drive as well then?" I just said only about 90% of the time. Sexist nonsense.

[BitOutOfPractice]

We’ve just done a longer trip than that and we shared it 50:50. We’ve also shared it 50:50 while we’re away. Why wouldn’t we?

we are in France and I was just thinking, I know that none of my female friends / family would drive abroad. That seems to be another blind spot for many women. No idea why.

[CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory]

It's nonsense. DH and I share the driving equally.

That said, I've been surprised to discover how many of my female friends really don't like driving long distances or driving big cars. One couple we are friends with - she can drive but won't drive their big SUV (which he chose) as it's too big so he does all the driving.

I'm very independent though so will happily drive a massive car, transit van, whatever (and have done).

[Sunnyqueen]

I don't drive so all partners I've been with I've been passenger princess lol its never caused any issues none of them have ever nagged me to pass my test in fact they enjoy it I think.

[WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps]

@NewUser123456789

In our house, because she hates driving and is bad at it whilst I enjoy it. It's less stressful for both of us when I drive. Also because my cars are nicer and she's not allowed to drive them (because hers look like they've survived a demolition derby after a couple of months of her driving).

Sounds like your wife/partner needs to take a bunch of driving lessons, and re-take her driving test. She sounds like a liability on the roads, and a danger to everyone around her! Good grief! I can't believe you're being so casual and flippant about it, like 'lol wot is she like?!'

[WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps]

@EgonSpengler2020

A frequent problem I encounter as a paramedic, when once I have assessed a patient and determined they need to attend A&E but not via ambulance and I can see a car (or several) on the driveway, only to be met with the spouse saying "I can't drive because I don't drive on the motorway" or "I can't drive because I don't drive at night" (obviously I understand some older people can't drive in the dark at all, but I suspect many will be merrily driving to and from the local shops late on xmas eve!) or "I can't drive because the weathers bad" even though they expect others to do just that. It ends up with them being a burden on the already stretched ambulance service.

People who 'order' an ambulance to get to A & E (when it's NOT a life or death situation, or they're just in labour,) really boil my piss tbh. When it's clear they have a car available, they should be billed for it - like £50 or something. I know it costs more, but as a token payment, to make them think twice before doing it again!

[NewUser123456789]

In our house, because she hates driving and is bad at it whilst I enjoy it. It's less stressful for both of us when I drive. Also because my cars are nicer and she's not allowed to drive them (because hers look like they've survived a demolition derby after a couple of months of her driving).

[iklboo]

We knew a woman who wouldn't turn right if she could possibly help it. She was screwed one journey when her usual route was blocked off.

[EgonSpengler2020]

@JudgeJ

A friend had a similar experience after the husband's sudden death, she had had a licence for over 30 years but in her mid 50s she had never driven further than Tescos, never even on a dual carriageway, she had to take a programme of driving lessons to be able to adapt to her new circumstances.

A frequent problem I encounter as a paramedic, when once I have assessed a patient and determined they need to attend A&E but not via ambulance and I can see a car (or several) on the driveway, only to be met with the spouse saying "I can't drive because I don't drive on the motorway" or "I can't drive because I don't drive at night" (obviously I understand some older people can't drive in the dark at all, but I suspect many will be merrily driving to and from the local shops late on xmas eve!) or "I can't drive because the weathers bad" even though they expect others to do just that. It ends up with them being a burden on the already stretched ambulance service.

[JudgeJ]

@RampantIvy

A cautionary tale.

Many years ago some friends of ours went on holiday to Dorset from West Yorkshire. While on holiday the husband was taken ill and hospitalised where he underwent some emergency surgery. It was touch and go for a while. After he recovered there was no way he was able to drive back home. His wife was only a "local driver" and had never driven anywhere she didn't know, let alone a motorway.

Fortunately he was highly regarded at work, and the CEO sent his chauffeur down on the train so that he could drive the couple back home.

I would never want to be in that vulnerable position.

A friend had a similar experience after the husband's sudden death, she had had a licence for over 30 years but in her mid 50s she had never driven further than Tescos, never even on a dual carriageway, she had to take a programme of driving lessons to be able to adapt to her new circumstances.

[iklboo]

Because the DVLA would take a very dim view of me driving with my medical condition 😂

[kimchifox]

I should add we both feel that we are the better driver 😂 biological sex doesn't come into it. If a man thought he was better because he was a man he'd be speaking to a divorce lawyer - that's just patriarchal BS.

[kimchifox]

We share the driving - because both of us quite like to drive! When we do long distances we do 2-2.5 hrs on and then swap over. Shorter distances it will be more likely that we split it so one drives there and the other drives back. The only time there's any debate is when both of us would like a drink but even then one of us will usually volunteer!

[DancingBudgie]

People do what's best for them. There's no right or wrong way.
This thread is hilarious.

[WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps]

@xogossipgirlxo

I am wondering if it was a wake up call for her to practice more driving? I would be so embarrassed if it was me.

Exactly what I said. This woman has no right to call herself a driver.

[WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps]

@Fatballs

Do you not have satnav?

Yes, but my husband hates getting stuck in traffic so I keep an eye on the traffic ahead and re-route us around slow bits if necessary. I know sat navs will do that, but I do a better job. Usually!

But did he pay for it though?@Duchess379 If SHE paid for her car, then why did HE choose it?

I paid for my husband’s car. He chose it. We’re married so to us it makes no difference whose bank account the money comes out of.

I paid for my husband’s car. He chose it. We’re married so to us it makes no difference whose bank account the money comes out of.

Isn't it joint money then if you're married? I don't pay for anything and DH doesn't pay for anything. Everything comes from the joint money that we both contribute. So we both pay ...

[xogossipgirlxo]

@RampantIvy

A cautionary tale.

Many years ago some friends of ours went on holiday to Dorset from West Yorkshire. While on holiday the husband was taken ill and hospitalised where he underwent some emergency surgery. It was touch and go for a while. After he recovered there was no way he was able to drive back home. His wife was only a "local driver" and had never driven anywhere she didn't know, let alone a motorway.

Fortunately he was highly regarded at work, and the CEO sent his chauffeur down on the train so that he could drive the couple back home.

I would never want to be in that vulnerable position.

I am wondering if it was a wake up call for her to practice more driving? I would be so embarrassed if it was me.

[Fatballs]

Do you not have satnav?

Yes, but my husband hates getting stuck in traffic so I keep an eye on the traffic ahead and re-route us around slow bits if necessary. I know sat navs will do that, but I do a better job. Usually!

But did he pay for it though?@Duchess379 If SHE paid for her car, then why did HE choose it?

I paid for my husband’s car. He chose it. We’re married so to us it makes no difference whose bank account the money comes out of.

[RampantIvy]

I need a satnav when navigating around unfamiliar cities.

Take the east of Leeds for example where there are roads with multiple lanes, loads of traffic lights and roundabouts, and not enough road signs. There is nowhere to pull up a car to stop and look at a map. A road atlas doesn't give enough detail and an A - Z doesn' show lanes or one way systems. And you shouldn't be looking at a map while driving anyway.

I still use maps as I don't like to be totally reliant on modern technology and I like to see the bigger picture.

If I was to drive to Exeter from Sheffield, for example, i would know the first part of the journey - M1, A42, M42, M5, but after that I would need a satnav to find a specific location.