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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why "it's the man's job" to drive?

214 replies

FromDespairToHere · 14/09/2022 14:52

DP and I went away last week. Bit of a road trip with a couple of stops for a few nights in each. About 5 hours drive to first place, 2 hours to the second place then 4 hours home.

We went in his car because it's bigger than mine but shared the driving so overall about 55/45 him/me. Back in work this week and talking to two different women who have done similar holidays over the last couple of weeks and they were aghast that I'd done so much driving. Both do drive but one did about an hour total and the other not at all. When I asked why both of them separately gave the above answer: "it's the man's job."

AIBU to not understand that? Why should my poor DP have to be the one who is alert all the time while I am chauffeured? Our way we each got the chance for a little snoozle while the other one drove.

OP posts:
equuscaballus · 14/09/2022 15:08

Each to their own.
I love being a passenger and my partner gets bored as one.

I had a great aunt whose husband didn't allow her to learn to drive - thankfully those days are gone.

AffIt · 14/09/2022 15:12

Up until very recently, I did 100% of the driving because my OH couldn't drive!

He passed his test this year and is, in fairness, quite a good driver, but I still prefer to drive because a) I like it and b) I have 25 years' of experience, an HGV licence and I'm not a particularly good passenger.

It is nice being able to go out and have a drink every now and again, though.

TheWitchersWife · 14/09/2022 15:13

DH doesn't mind driving. I don't enjoy it.
I'm also better at calming down our 3 and 5 year old in the back if they start arguing, needing drink, snacks or they've dropped something.
He's not particularly bothered, he has the family car, I have a smaller car that can fit us all in but wouldn't fit luggage in for a long journey.
We just pick and choose chores/jobs round the house that we prefer.
He does the family driving.
I fold and put away the washing.
He takes the bins out.
We both empty and fill the dishwasher.

TurquoiseDress · 14/09/2022 15:15

YANBU

I quite enjoy driving, DH hates it & just about tolerates short journeys locally

He'll drive if I'm the one drinking on a evening out

10HailMarys · 14/09/2022 15:16

I'm sure people used to think it was the man's job to drive in the 1950s but it's ridiculous that there are people who still think like that today!

DP does do all the driving for us but only because a) he really likes driving and b) I can't drive anyway - nothing to do with him being the man. I would just assume that most couples either split the driving, or whoever prefers driving does the lion's share. It wouldn't occur to me that it was a man thing.

Musti · 14/09/2022 15:17

I think in a way it is because they do bugger all else but I prefer to drive because I am better and safer

housemaus · 14/09/2022 15:17

DH is my passenger princess, ha. If we're going on a really long (4-5+ hrs) trip we take his car and he'll drive the majority because I don't like driving his car (it's old and crunchy) but otherwise I do the majority.

MrsDThomas · 14/09/2022 15:17

DH does it here. I hate driving (work, football and tesco is fine!)

He knows i hate it too

AuntyMabelandPippin · 14/09/2022 15:18

We both drive long journeys. Much easier if we share it.

Change123today · 14/09/2022 15:18

I do most of the driving, frustratingly my husband is useless at map directions so the rare times he does drive is because we going somewhere completely new and directions needed!! The amount of times I’ve been sent the wrong way down to his directions. I also think he doesn’t really like driving my car he hates trying to park it!

My sister and her husband, BiL does most of the driving he likes driving she does a lot of driving for work so pleased for a break! Friends wife drives because he absolutely hates driving - he can but only if he really really has to!

Arnaquer · 14/09/2022 15:18

We take it in turns. I've driven in France , Spain and America

Smellywellyhoo · 14/09/2022 15:20

I drive hundreds of miles a week for work so I get sick of it by the time the weekend comes. DP hardly drives during the week. We do split any really long distances though.

Dinoteeth · 14/09/2022 15:23

His car he drives, my car I drive. We rarely drive each others.

He's a crap passenger and makes me panic about nothing, 'watch that car' that in patiently waiting to pass. 'Oh you could have got out then', I know , 'watch my car remember it's wider' you know what you drive.

Have you ever watched men getting picked up at a train station at leave 70% of the time the Mrs who's driven to the station gets out into the passenger seat and Mr drives home.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/09/2022 15:23

I’m happy to drive, I have my own car, but dh usually does longer journeys if we’re both going anywhere in his bigger car. I invariably offer, but he almost invariably declines. Suits me fine TBH - I’ve always thought it’d be lovely to have a chauffeur!

ChimChimeny · 14/09/2022 15:24

DH always drives because he's so tall if he sits in the passenger seat he's either uncomfortable without enough leg room or DD doesn't have enough behind him.

If it's just us we always use his car which I don't like driving so he drives

AntlerRose · 14/09/2022 15:24

Its not a mans job now.

But i think older cars were physically much harder to drive and over long distances were tiring. I also think designers didnt take much account of women drivers when making them. Not that women couldnt or didnt drive, but i can see how couples might have had the man driving more.

But now with power assisted steering, abs, adjustable this that and the other it nakes zero sense.

Isthislife · 14/09/2022 15:29

We only have 1 car and generally share the driving but I like driving and DH doesn't. Often I prefer to drive just because DH gets stressed driving and I find it annoying when he does so I usually offer because driving is more enjoyable for me when I'm doing it. I would find women who defer to men for the driving purely because they think it's a mans job a bit archaic but each to their own, whatever works for each couple I guess. If someone at my DHs work was aghast that he had put the vacuum round because it's a 'woman's job' I think we would both consider them very outdated 😂

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/09/2022 15:33

It's not in our house.

Devo1818 · 14/09/2022 15:38

I get this all the time. I am a woman married to a man and I am the only driver. When I talk about trips where we are driving people always assume he is driving and I'm the passenger. Its weird.

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 14/09/2022 15:38

Not in my relationship- DP only learned to drive about 3 years ago and although a good and confident driver is a terrible parker. He also has a crappy old car, whereas mine is a 20 plate sports version Audi which he absolutely hates driving as it its much more powerful than he is used to and "too responsive". He is more than happy to be ferried around by me in my much more comfortable car. He only drives if I want a drink or if he is picking me up from a night out.

I'd love him to drive more as I drive a lot at work, so would love a break!

MimiSunshine · 14/09/2022 15:39

Not in this relationship. We have our own cars and we drive our own cars regardless of where we’re going and usually decide which one to take depending on who has been further and used the most fuel recently.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 14/09/2022 15:41

DH does the majority of the driving if we're travelling together. He's an awful passenger, he gets sick plus he really enjoys driving.
I hate driving and find it stressful so this works for us.

We're not long home from a long road trip holiday abroad and DH did all the driving. I'd be a bit Hmmif anyone commented because it's no one's business but ours.

Also, there is no sexism etc in my relationship but I sometimes joke that the driving is a man's job. It's an ongoing thing here where anything you don't want to do is a man/ woman's job, depending on who is moaning (IE yesterday DH told me walking the dog is a wife job) 🙄

skgnome · 14/09/2022 15:42

According to my mom (early 80’s) guys get less tired on long road trips… yes I cannot explain the logic
my DH loves driving, he just does, so he does most of the highway driving… but if he’s tired of doesn’t feels like it I drive
in all fairness he cannot follow Google maps (or read a physical map) - I’m sure he can, but I need to keep an eye on Google maps the whole time, read the highway signs and pretty much do full navigation- he travels a lot for work and doesn’t get lost that often…, he just loves driving I like maps… so it works, but has nothing to do with being a man or a woman, just who we are

orangeisthenewpuce · 14/09/2022 15:43

Because those women can't be arsed to drive and will eventually lose their nerve. Will start off by no longer driving on motorways. Then will only drive to places they when know the way. Then will refuse to drive saying they are too scared and expect lifts from everyone. PITAs. I love driving and we often take it in turns to do the whole of long journeys. We don't drive each other's cars.

Hugasauras · 14/09/2022 15:43

DH actively enjoys driving whereas I just see it as a way to get from A to B, so he tends to drive when we are going somewhere together (and I prefer to doomscroll on my phone!). We each have our own car and drive plenty individually though.