To wonder why "it's the man's job" to drive?

[FromDespairToHere]

DP and I went away last week. Bit of a road trip with a couple of stops for a few nights in each. About 5 hours drive to first place, 2 hours to the second place then 4 hours home.

We went in his car because it's bigger than mine but shared the driving so overall about 55/45 him/me. Back in work this week and talking to two different women who have done similar holidays over the last couple of weeks and they were aghast that I'd done so much driving. Both do drive but one did about an hour total and the other not at all. When I asked why both of them separately gave the above answer: "it's the man's job."

AIBU to not understand that? Why should my poor DP have to be the one who is alert all the time while I am chauffeured? Our way we each got the chance for a little snoozle while the other one drove.

My DH drives if we are together because he is better at it. I drive slower. And he is much better at parking.
If I actually enjoyed driving we'd share, but I'd just rather not.

If I actually enjoyed driving we'd share, but I'd just rather not.

Is your husband OK with that? I really resent having to do most of the driving because DH won't.

I do all the driving, DH encouraged me to learn as soon as we got together. He no longer is fit enough now so I'm driver by default. I tow a caravan too. Although I do get looks when we pull up as a 5ft3 middle aged woman dropping down out of a 4x4 and unhitching.

Some relationships are like that. My neighbours are a good example - he works abroad & she wanted a newer car. He chose her one, basically a newer model of what she already had. She wanted an SUV but he said no, not until he has finished working abroad. He's currently home & when they go out, he drives her car! I couldn't live like that! No man chooses my car then drives it as well!! 😶💁🏼

DH usually deives because he's an awful passenger. He won't relax, I can feel him coiled tightly beside me trying not to backseat drive. So while I don't mind driving, I don't like driving him.

Also he's a bad navigator, can't tell left from right- thank goodness for the little picture on the satnav 😅

Yep he loves driving. I always offer when it's a long journey, he turns me down.

I wish my DH saw it as man's job! Haha! I hate driving but he doesn't like it either so we share. He tends to do more, maybe 60%. I suppose it's good I have to drive as it does improve my confidence. I can't help feeling envious of my friends though - when they go on a big trip and their DH's do all the driving! But you're quite right OP - there's no reason at all why it should be a man's job.

It's only 'the man's job' to drive if you're someone like my MIL who believes that men are superior and in charge of all things

If I drive anywhere it prompts a comment.

We have a road trip deal. If it's a left side traffic, bf drives. If it's right side traffic, I drive.

If I am with my DH he usually drives but I also drive quite a lot alone. I never want to be the person who will only drive to the supermarket, won't drive on motorways etc

I never want to be the person who will only drive to the supermarket, won't drive on motorways etc

Neither do I. It would limit my life enormously. I would never see my family or be able to get to work if I couldn't drive on motorways.
I am just about to move DD into a flat a 2 hour motorway drive away.

I find driving more entertaining on long journeys than being the passenger.

My husband drives if we’re out and about locally for the day as I drive for work and he doesn’t. But I do long trips away because he can’t follow a sat nav and he stresses me out.

We used to split it a bit more evenly, although I don’t particularly enjoy driving and DH doesn’t mind it.

Current configuration of the car makes it really difficult for DH to sit in the passenger seat - he’s very tall, the car is not particularly roomy and DD’s car seat is huge and makes it impossible to put the passenger seat far enough back to fit DH in comfortably. He can manage it for short drives but it really is quite comical seeing him sit there with his knees up around his ears. Earlier in the year when we had a 5 hour drive down to a holiday place he drove there (several stops) but mentioned he was tired so we swapped and he sat in the back for about 2 hours of it - not especially comfortable for him either but better than the front.

I don't like driving so my husband drives long distances.. And I am too hesitant for his liking.. that being said he brakes too late for my liking.

He can't follow a sat nav either as he finds it too much to deal with so I end up relaying instructions to him as he ignores the voice as well or doesn't catch it

We tend to take DH's car - it's bigger and more economical. If we use DH's car, he usually drives. If we take mine, I drive. While we swap cars if I need the bigger one (I tow with it), I couldn't be a passenger in my own car.

I'm much happier driving, drove around France this summer. DH is happy to leave me to it but does his turn if I've had enough.
He's shit at signs and sat nav, I'm great, so I prefer to take control!

Interesting to see that other men can't follow a sat nav either. DH says he can't think quickly enough these days as sat nav instructions don't give enough warning.

My husband drives most of the time simply because he always insists on taking his car and driving it. My job takes me all over the UK so after driving 4-8 hours the day before, I'm happy to let him crack on. Plus, he's a god awful passenger always nitpicking when I drive (my driving is perfectly fine).

With road trips my husband usually drives and I navigate. It’s not a hard and fast rule though. On longer trips we may split the driving and swap roles.

He doesn’t have any problems following sat nav instructions. Unless it’s Google Maps, which he doesn’t trust at all.

We have two cars between us - one big and one small. They belong to both of us - there is no his and her car nonsense - and we each drive both of them. Locally we use little car. Long journeys we use big car. We both share the driving, although being inherently lazy we both race to the passenger seat at the start of long journeys. When we lived overseas again we both drove equally. Anyone whose DH is a "bad passenger" needs to establish an attitude of zero tolerance - constant negativity is extremely undermining and should not be tolerated.

I see losing confidence driving as synonymous to losing independence. My DM is an excellent example. My DF refused to allow her to drive without niggling criticism and so eventually she lost all confidence and stopped. Now DF is too unwell to drive and they are stuck relying on public transport which is difficult as they both have mobility issues. I see it all the time with couples . The man drives and the woman is driven - unless drink is involved - and it is so often a control issue.

In our house, driving is very much a 'pink' job. I hate being a passenger.

DH is long dead, but we always shared the driving. It was essential on touring holidays abroad - neither of us would have wanted to drive the whole two or three thousand miles in one holiday.
I was very used to driving, as I covered emergency call from home as a hospital doctor, regularly reaching 100mph en route. It was a joy to drive the German autobahnen, with no speed limit, foot to the floor, even though overtaken by a series of mercs and BMWs all doing up to 140mph!

It's not the man's job but for us a few things

1 I.hate driving I am capable but I find it exhausting and I don't enjoy it at all. Dh find it relaxing!

1. Dh is the worst.passenger ever. He doesn't comment on my driving but he. "Breaks" like 200 meters before anyone else would. He has a horrific habit of putting his arm up to '"

Clutch " the handle up the top. = I can't see out the window on his side. He always feels he knows a better route than the one I use. And lastly he has the most appalling directions insisting on telling me road numbers something my dyslexic brain just.cannot get around. So as far as possible I refuse to drive him.

I do the vast majority of the driving of our car as I drive to work he mostly work from home. He acknowledge I a good driver regularly gets me to park (I am amazing at parallel parking) however with him as a passenger we end up in serious arguments.

Having said that we drove from. UK to Denmark on Wednesday and I did about 1/3rd of the driving
Whilst we are here I do all the driving as it is my childhood area so I know it better than him. However he is under strict instructions to NOT break and NOT put his arm.up .. thankfully no directions given as he has no clue where anything is and even of he did he could not pronounce the road names

Our 3 children all agree with me he is an appealing backseat driver and these days when we drive together he sits in the back and listens to podcasts so we don't argue.

A cautionary tale.

Many years ago some friends of ours went on holiday to Dorset from West Yorkshire. While on holiday the husband was taken ill and hospitalised where he underwent some emergency surgery. It was touch and go for a while. After he recovered there was no way he was able to drive back home. His wife was only a "local driver" and had never driven anywhere she didn't know, let alone a motorway.

Fortunately he was highly regarded at work, and the CEO sent his chauffeur down on the train so that he could drive the couple back home.

I would never want to be in that vulnerable position.