To wonder why "it's the man's job" to drive?

[FromDespairToHere]

DP and I went away last week. Bit of a road trip with a couple of stops for a few nights in each. About 5 hours drive to first place, 2 hours to the second place then 4 hours home.

We went in his car because it's bigger than mine but shared the driving so overall about 55/45 him/me. Back in work this week and talking to two different women who have done similar holidays over the last couple of weeks and they were aghast that I'd done so much driving. Both do drive but one did about an hour total and the other not at all. When I asked why both of them separately gave the above answer: "it's the man's job."

AIBU to not understand that? Why should my poor DP have to be the one who is alert all the time while I am chauffeured? Our way we each got the chance for a little snoozle while the other one drove.

Because having DP as a passenger is literally the most stressful situation I can put myself in. He’s the worst passenger on the planet and if he didn’t drive we’d probably have split up years ago. I’m a perfectly competent and confident driver and drive all over the country, just not with him as a passenger

To those of you who ‘don’t like driving’ or ‘he prefers it’ please please keep driving, on motorways and abroad etc. there could come a day when he can’t, or you want to, and you’ll be out of practice. It’s a skill that has to be practiced and maintained. My H doesn’t drive which is a PITA but I can confirm driving isn’t a gendered skill , but one born of practice.

Also for those who say you don’t drive because he’s a ‘terrible passenger’ or criticises your driving … that’s him bullying you out of a skill you need.

Yes, I agree @WonderingMum2. It's pretty sexist.

Well it’s not because I drive way more than him just not when we are together.

Are these ‘terrible passengers’ terrible when other men are driving?

My husband prefers to drive too, but it's not me thinking it's man's job. It's rather that he wants to drive us safely. He drove us all the way to Poland few years ago. But also says he likes the comfort of knowing that I can take over when he's tired.

It isn’t 🤷‍♀️

Are these ‘terrible passengers’ terrible when other men are driving?

Some of the terrible passengers are women. So,
probably.

We always share the driving if it’s a long way. The other thing is I want to keep my hand in at driving. I think the idea of ‘a man’s job’ goes back to the old days when cars were difficult to handle. I remember my dad having an old car which was difficult to handle but in these days of power assisted steering and brakes anyone can drive a car. For goodness sake women drive articulated lorries!

I'm one of those "terrible passengers" and I'm the same whoever is driving.

Personally yes, DH does drive 99% of the time if we’re going out anywhere together. He likes driving, he’s happy to do it and I’m happy to choose the music and scroll on my phone while he drives, so it works.
I drive all the time when I’m out without him so there’s no being robbed of an essential skill here!

@RampantIvy

Many years ago some friends of ours went on holiday to Dorset from West Yorkshire. While on holiday the husband was taken ill and hospitalised where he underwent some emergency surgery. It was touch and go for a while. After he recovered there was no way he was able to drive back home. His wife was only a "local driver" and had never driven anywhere she didn't know, let alone a motorway.

Fortunately he was highly regarded at work, and the CEO sent his chauffeur down on the train so that he could drive the couple back home.

The 'wife' here sounds pathetic. I am embarrassed for her.

I generally drive just around my area, and the town DD lives in, 25 miles south, and the town that part of my extended family live - some 50 miles north. But I step up when I need to. And although I am a little bit wary of the unfamiliarity, I would always have no issue with driving around a city or town I am unfamiliar with.

I have done it a number of times fairly recently - eg... to get DD from uni when DH was working (her uni was in a city 250 miles away,) and I have driven her on many day trips to towns and cities and parts of Wales I had never been before.

And also when I had to fetch a family member from a hospital in a city 70 miles south. (A few months ago...) And I have driven myself to courses that my workplace sent me on, that were in big cities - Manchester and Birmingham. Armed only with a road atlas - no satnav ever. Never used it. Just make my way round with the road atlas and good old road signs!

The fact this woman wouldn't drive them back home, and her DH's boss's chauffeur had to get him - when his wife calls herself a driver - is embarrassing and cringeworthy.

I would never be able to look my husband's boss or colleagues in the eye again after that.

My neighbours are a good example - he works abroad & she wanted a newer car. He chose her one, basically a newer model of what she already had. She wanted an SUV but he said no, not until he has finished working abroad. He's currently home & when they go out, he drives her car! I couldn't live like that! No man chooses my car then drives it as well!! 😶💁🏼

But did he pay for it though?@Duchess379 If SHE paid for her car, then why did HE choose it?

@fatballs

DH generally does the driving while I do the navigating.

Do you not have satnav?

Nope, we don't neither! I love being the navigator when DH is driving! Never used satnav. Never had it, never needed it.

I need a satnav when navigating around unfamiliar cities.

Take the east of Leeds for example where there are roads with multiple lanes, loads of traffic lights and roundabouts, and not enough road signs. There is nowhere to pull up a car to stop and look at a map. A road atlas doesn't give enough detail and an A - Z doesn' show lanes or one way systems. And you shouldn't be looking at a map while driving anyway.

I still use maps as I don't like to be totally reliant on modern technology and I like to see the bigger picture.

If I was to drive to Exeter from Sheffield, for example, i would know the first part of the journey - M1, A42, M42, M5, but after that I would need a satnav to find a specific location.

Do you not have satnav?

Yes, but my husband hates getting stuck in traffic so I keep an eye on the traffic ahead and re-route us around slow bits if necessary. I know sat navs will do that, but I do a better job. Usually!

But did he pay for it though?@Duchess379 If SHE paid for her car, then why did HE choose it?

I paid for my husband’s car. He chose it. We’re married so to us it makes no difference whose bank account the money comes out of.

I am wondering if it was a wake up call for her to practice more driving? I would be so embarrassed if it was me.

I paid for my husband’s car. He chose it. We’re married so to us it makes no difference whose bank account the money comes out of.

Isn't it joint money then if you're married? I don't pay for anything and DH doesn't pay for anything. Everything comes from the joint money that we both contribute. So we both pay ...

Exactly what I said. This woman has no right to call herself a driver.

People do what's best for them. There's no right or wrong way.
This thread is hilarious.

We share the driving - because both of us quite like to drive! When we do long distances we do 2-2.5 hrs on and then swap over. Shorter distances it will be more likely that we split it so one drives there and the other drives back. The only time there's any debate is when both of us would like a drink but even then one of us will usually volunteer!

I should add we both feel that we are the better driver 😂 biological sex doesn't come into it. If a man thought he was better because he was a man he'd be speaking to a divorce lawyer - that's just patriarchal BS.

Because the DVLA would take a very dim view of me driving with my medical condition 😂

A friend had a similar experience after the husband's sudden death, she had had a licence for over 30 years but in her mid 50s she had never driven further than Tescos, never even on a dual carriageway, she had to take a programme of driving lessons to be able to adapt to her new circumstances.

A frequent problem I encounter as a paramedic, when once I have assessed a patient and determined they need to attend A&E but not via ambulance and I can see a car (or several) on the driveway, only to be met with the spouse saying "I can't drive because I don't drive on the motorway" or "I can't drive because I don't drive at night" (obviously I understand some older people can't drive in the dark at all, but I suspect many will be merrily driving to and from the local shops late on xmas eve!) or "I can't drive because the weathers bad" even though they expect others to do just that. It ends up with them being a burden on the already stretched ambulance service.