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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why "it's the man's job" to drive?

214 replies

FromDespairToHere · 14/09/2022 14:52

DP and I went away last week. Bit of a road trip with a couple of stops for a few nights in each. About 5 hours drive to first place, 2 hours to the second place then 4 hours home.

We went in his car because it's bigger than mine but shared the driving so overall about 55/45 him/me. Back in work this week and talking to two different women who have done similar holidays over the last couple of weeks and they were aghast that I'd done so much driving. Both do drive but one did about an hour total and the other not at all. When I asked why both of them separately gave the above answer: "it's the man's job."

AIBU to not understand that? Why should my poor DP have to be the one who is alert all the time while I am chauffeured? Our way we each got the chance for a little snoozle while the other one drove.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 14/09/2022 17:08

DH and I do road trip holidays up to Scotland and back. We share the driving pretty much equally.

Surtsey · 14/09/2022 17:10

It isn't a man's job. If you're going on a long journey, you can take it in turns. Some people don't much care for driving, so they will happily let the other one do it. I don't like the way DH drives my car, so I drive mostly.

Burnt0utMum · 14/09/2022 17:10

I love driving and we only ever go as a family in my car as DH only has a van now. I do enjoy a break sometimes too so we tend to switch up who's driving based on who feels like it at the time. It's not even something I think about really, it's just whatever is most convenient.

Dillydollydingdong · 14/09/2022 17:12

My dp likes driving. Me not so much.

Jericha · 14/09/2022 17:13

It's funny, I've never really considered it but in our house DH tends to do all local driving so nipping to the shop, visiting friends etc, but I tend to do all holiday driving so when we go to Cornwall or for a day trip. We've never really discussed it, just fallen into these habits.

My mum doesn't ever drive if she's with my dad, even if it's a long journey. She'll give me traffic advice or moan about traffic or other drivers if I say we're going to Cornwall, ignoring the fact I've driven there millions of times quite happily and she hasn't Grin

BigFatLiar · 14/09/2022 17:15

When we go together we use his car as he doesn't like mine (sports car). I'm not keen on his car as its big but we do share the driving. I prefer to drive (even his car) rather than be his passenger as he drives so carefully (sticks to speed limits, cautious).

If we go out to the pub or dinner it's good because I drive there and he drives back because he doesn't drink.

FourTeaFallOut · 14/09/2022 17:20

Given the huge disparity of labour between the sexes in the domestic sphere, I suppose lots of women hop in the passenger seat and just enjoy the break.

thecatsthecats · 14/09/2022 17:21

My husband doesn't drive.

I went on holiday with his family, and we hired dune buggies for the day. I was the only female of the party to drive, and was generally more, ahem, aggressive than my FIL.

Frlrlrubert · 14/09/2022 17:24

We used to share but DH has an expensive electric lease car now so on long journeys together he drives because (for now) electricity is cheaper than petrol, and if I dinged it (historically he dings as much as me but I will fully admit to being more gung-ho about bouncing over kerbs and the like - and drive a shitbox for this reason) I'd never hear the end of it.

Unglamorousgranny · 14/09/2022 17:25

It's not necessarily the man's job but if it works for the couple that's all that matters.
My dh usually drives, I usually drive home if we've been on a night out & don't want to pay for a taxi & I have the old banger while he has the nice car.
Old fashioned, sexist & stereotypical it might look, but it's what we prefer

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2022 17:30

But unglamorousgranny are you a non drinker? Do you actually prefer to be lumbered with driving home if the two of you don’t want to pay for a taxi, when your husband gets to drive the rest of the time? Do you never want to relax and have a drink AND not have to worry about a taxi, but be driven by your other half?

yikesanotherbooboo · 14/09/2022 17:31

I don't like driving and am not very good at it. DH likes driving and likes being in charge of things. I am a good map reader although that is less relevant these days.It suits us for DH to do the lions share of driving long distances.I take over if he is very tired and we take it in turns of it is going out for lunch or whatever so that one of us can have a drink. It isn't a sex thing in our house .

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 14/09/2022 17:33

Several reasons in our house:

  1. DH passed his test long before I did, has always had cars since then and has always driven to school and then to work
  2. I failed 4 out of 5 tests, drove for 1 year then didn't drive again for 5 years. When I started driving again it was only when necessary and on quiet roads. I did eventually get better and now drive twice a week to work on main roads, but will still get the bus as my first option.
  3. I am not a great driver. Not terrible. Legal and fairly confident. Not great.
  4. As a result of all of the above, DH is a terrible passenger and drives me potty when I drive.

So I will always offer (and mean it) to do half the driving. DH prefers to do it and is better at it. Same with cooking actually....

Roserunner · 14/09/2022 17:37

I enjoy driving so happy to, I also offer if DH wants a drink. We tend to use his car on longer journeys as it's bigger but I still usually do some of the driving.

My dad will always drive if he goes out with my mum and my nan was the same when she went out with my grandad even tho they both drive independently.

Unglamorousgranny · 14/09/2022 17:38

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I'm not bothered about having a drink if I'm out with him. I have more nights out with girlfriends than he has with his mates, so I make up for it then. I'd rather see him let his hair down & enjoy a drink while he has the chance.
I tend to dawdle when driving (it's true) so he'd rather drive so we get there in a timely manner
I've had 3 accidents in 34 years of marriage, he's had none, & a longer commute than me so I'm happy to have the old banger. He nags me to get a newer car but I don't need it so why spend the money!

Dragonskin · 14/09/2022 17:55

I don't understand either, it's a ridiculous notion and usually used by women that then talk about their lack of driving confidence. Of course you have no confidence if you expect your OH to drive all the time

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 14/09/2022 18:03

My DH likes to drive. FIL insists on it always, so expect that's why. Annoyingly it means MIL is not a confident driver as she is more or less always ferried around by FIL.

I don't mind DH drives, I'm happy to sit and relax.

BadNomad · 14/09/2022 18:21

On long journeys, I will drive most of the way because I will just throw up otherwise, then he takes over when we need to park because I'm just not good at that. But for local journeys it's 50/50 really. I prefer to be a passenger in his car.

QueSyrahSyrah · 14/09/2022 18:35

I don't think it's DH's 'job' but he enjoys driving, particularly a long journey which is unusual for us and I'm completely ambivalent towards it, so it makes sense that he drives the majority of the time. If he wasn't enjoying it or got tired we'd swap. My 'job' while he's driving is navigation and in-car entertainment.

Fifthtimelucky · 14/09/2022 19:22

I do all the driving. My husband has never liked it and over the years has become less confident through lack of practice. I'd much rather drive than be driven by him.

I do wish he was a decent navigator though. He's not.

sophiasnail · 14/09/2022 19:57

Because women are better navigators than men?

moita · 14/09/2022 20:13

I do all the driving during the week as DH works long hours so he does tend to do the weekend driving to balance it out but yes on long journies we would share.

I don't think of it as a gendered thing at all.

Cameleongirl · 14/09/2022 20:35

sophiasnail · 14/09/2022 19:57

Because women are better navigators than men?

Definitely not in my case, I can get lost anywhere!

ButterflyBitch · 14/09/2022 21:00

Bwa ha ha at man’s job. If we go on a long journey then I drive because I love driving his car and it’s normally my only chance. If it’s a short trip then in my car I drive and in his car he normally drives. I do enjoy driving though so I can imagine if you don’t enjoy it then you’d let the man take over when you could.

Original poster
FromDespairToHere · 14/09/2022 22:49

Just read all the replies and I'm glad to see that there's a varied response and that my colleagues aren't the norm!

I'm in my late 40s and colleagues are both mid to late 50s so I did wonder if it was an age thing, although there really isn't that much difference. We all have adult children, not littles, so no kids needed entertaining in our respective cars.

OP posts: