To wonder why "it's the man's job" to drive?

[FromDespairToHere]

DP and I went away last week. Bit of a road trip with a couple of stops for a few nights in each. About 5 hours drive to first place, 2 hours to the second place then 4 hours home.

We went in his car because it's bigger than mine but shared the driving so overall about 55/45 him/me. Back in work this week and talking to two different women who have done similar holidays over the last couple of weeks and they were aghast that I'd done so much driving. Both do drive but one did about an hour total and the other not at all. When I asked why both of them separately gave the above answer: "it's the man's job."

AIBU to not understand that? Why should my poor DP have to be the one who is alert all the time while I am chauffeured? Our way we each got the chance for a little snoozle while the other one drove.

[EmptyHouse0822]

I get my husband to drive because I quite like relaxing and enjoying the music whilst letting him deal with the traffic 😂

[TwinkleChristmas]

It’s a man’s job because I’d rather not drive on long journeys if I can be a passenger instead 😂

Hence why my OH always drives if we are going any distance.

[abovedecknotbelow]

Long road trip I mostly drive, being a passenger shovelling snacks into toddlers is boring. Locally he usually drives, I like wine more than he does

[NovaDeltas]

What strange women. There are some really weird views out there!

[RampantIvy]

@orangeisthenewpuce

Because those women can't be arsed to drive and will eventually lose their nerve. Will start off by no longer driving on motorways. Then will only drive to places they when know the way. Then will refuse to drive saying they are too scared and expect lifts from everyone. PITAs. I love driving and we often take it in turns to do the whole of long journeys. We don't drive each other's cars.

You have described my SIL to a T, except that she has never driven on a motorway.

[SwimmingOnEggshells]

cross post @G5000! it was my DH who initially pointed that one out to me. We have so many neighbours where the H has a new car - Audi, BMW etc, the woman has a 20 year old banger.
You can just see the 'D'H getting into the little Micra every so often and enthusing about what a fabulous little car it was, but wouldn't like it enough to drive it every day! I wouldn't be having any of that.
I drive the bells and whistles car in our house, I organised buying it so I kind took ownership of it :)

[OperaStation]

Women like your work colleagues hold all women back.

[daisy118]

On a day out or long trip I always share driving with husband,he couldnt drive when we met 43 years ago.
At the age of 68 I regularly drive 3 hours alone on Motorways to visit my mother in her care home.
Its a life skill that should be maintained in case of his demise or illness.

[evilharpy]

We probably split long drives 60/40 with me being the 40. I don't mind driving at all but I tend to start getting sleepy after 90 minutes or so, while my husband can keep going for far longer without the risk of nodding off. Especially on motorways as they're so dull. However I'm the more confident driver so if we're driving into central London for example I'd do it as driving in heavy traffic doesn't bother me at all.

For shorter drives there's no particular pattern to it, it's just whoever is closest to the driver's door when we leave the house I guess.

We currently share a car but in the 15 years or so when we've needed two, mine has always been the bigger and newer. Husband has always said he only needed a little runaround, and when he used to do his own car maintenance was happy with a banger he could tinker with.

My mum very much shares your work colleague's attitude, and is also aghast the odd time I drive a van because she thinks they probably need a special license and only men would have it.

[MyneighbourisTotoro]

My DH does the majority of driving, mainly because it’s taken me many years to even get my licence due to finances but even now I prefer it when he drives, he is more experienced and more confident, I’m quite an anxious driver.

[AclowncalledAlice]

I do all the driving as I'm a nervous passenger so it's less stressful for both of us.

[MyneighbourisTotoro]

I would add that for my parents my mother does all of the driving as a Dad hated it so much, he hasn’t driven a vehicle for over 20 years

[wonkylegs]

DS1 prefers that I drive when we go out as a family as he gets more leg room in the back.
DH and I generally share driving 50/50 and we both drive both cars - we take the one that's most appropriate for the journey rather than us having our own cars.
I think some people are still quite weird about driving.
I'm the one who has an interest in cars, left up to DH and we would still be driving round in his ancient Ford Focus, although he's now more interested after I got him to try a few things like the landrover off road day.
I know a couple of mums from school who still think about roles in very old fashioned terms, they are younger than me though.
They have told me in the past they think I'm very brave to do DIY, work in construction, drive sports cars and get my boys to do housework/cook the dinner 🤔
It baffles me.

[ShandaLear]

My DP loves cars - has designed bits for them and tested them for a living in the past. He has a genuine passion for them and loves, really loves, driving. I’m fine with driving but it’s not something a have an active view on. It’s just something to get me from A to B.

[antelopevalley]

Lots of men exist on driving a woman. Something to do with their masculinity.
DP and I share driving pretty much equally. But he is very anti sexism.

[Palmtreesandsand]

I'm a good driver and don't mind driving at all, however, my DH and I have definitely fallen into those roles somehow. He quite likes driving too and I'm happy to be chauffeured. We do keep saying we need to change as we are not being good role models for the children!

[TheClitterati]

Our summer holiday involved driving 2300 miles in 2 weeks.

I did all the driving and loved every mile.

[Cameleongirl]

My BIL doesn't enjoy driving, so he always prefers my SIL to drive when they're in the car together. He's an experienced driver, it's just personal preference.

My DH holds onto the door handle when anyone else drives, I always comment on it and tease him (and I wouldn't call him the best driver, tbh). 😂

[Remainiac]

I drive my car, DH drives his. If we’re going somewhere together we tend to go in my much nicer, faster car so I drive. If it’s a long way, I might let him take a spell. When abroad I prefer to drive on the motorway rather than in town if possible.

[LondonQueen]

I prefer DH to drive on a long drive but he quite likes driving so he doesn't mind. We take my car because it's much bigger and practical (Large SUV vs sporty saloon with a small boot)

[TheClitterati]

@antelopevalley

Lots of men exist on driving a woman. Something to do with their masculinity.
DP and I share driving pretty much equally. But he is very anti sexism.

Yes it's something to do with that.
Perhaps he feels if he doesn't insist on doing these "manly" roles he might be expected to do more washing up & childcare <shudder>

It's a manly mystery

[TheClitterati]

@MyneighbourisTotoro

My DH does the majority of driving, mainly because it’s taken me many years to even get my licence due to finances but even now I prefer it when he drives, he is more experienced and more confident, I’m quite an anxious driver.

Congratulations on getting your license.

You do know that the way to be come a more confident and comfortable driver, who isn't anxious is to drive more right?

You will quickly gain more confidence & become less anxious with every hour you drive.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

In fact my exh’s horrible driving - driving in the most white knuckle inducing, and also sick making way - together with his bad passengerness ended up on my divorce petition!

Hilariously he disputed it, and came up with some ridiculous bullshit that I’d never even complained about to put on.

[AssumingDirectControl]

Shockingly (for MN) I still married my husband even though he doesn’t drive, so I do all the driving. Used to it now.

[fdgdfgdfgdfg]

I used to do all the driving when me and DP went away (I'm the man) because DP does it all week for work (merchandiser so spends her day driving between different shops), whereas my commute involves walking 10 steps to my computer.

Worked well enough for us until recently she drove back from a wedding due to me having a spectacular hangover, and we realised she'd lost some confidence driving on unfamiliar roads. Since then we've evened it up more.

I still tend to drive more if its going to be little country lanes, as she's not that confident on them. (Claims its due to the fact she's a shortarse, and it's easier for me to see the corners of the car)

Personally I think that we're both good drivers, but with different strengths. I'm good in unfamiliar places, quicker to work out what lane I should be in, what exit off the roundabout etc.

She's the better overall driver, probably a bit safer than me, better at judging when to pull out at busy junctions (I tend to end up waiting for ages), better parker etc.