To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

Her personal best wasn’t aimed at me, though. It was her third husband. Marriage was on the rocks, both alcoholics, volatile, etc.

I was 17. The next sibling down from me (12) rings in a panic; can’t wake him up, and there’s a bunch of empty packets next to the bed.

Obviously, I go over, because whilst I’d escaped (and felt huge guilt about it so I wasn’t NC at this point), my siblings hadn’t (I’d spent much of my time responsible for them). But it takes me around an hour to drive all the way over there, I’d not long passed my test too.

I get there, all the kids are outside, upset. I give them a quick hug and go inside; she shouts to me from the dining room

”Oh just leave him, if he wants to die, let him die.”

So she knew full well he’d taken an overdose, on top of the bottle of whiskey a day he drank. And that the kids were all hysterical. It wasn’t OTC drugs either; it was heavy duty, controlled prescription pain painkillers. Lots of them.

He survived (barely) and she was furious with me.

And yes, protective services were aware, and just like they always did, they did nothing.

I went NC a few months later.

Mine died recently but my dad appears to have taken over

Last week "now what size are you Pelo? A 26 or...?"

I know I'm fat but I'm 5ft 10 and a 16/18

Oh and she was diagnosed with dementia about a week before I got cauda equina and needed 5hrs op by a neurosurgeon

Dad couldn't leave her "because of the diagnosis" (she was fine at that point) so I had to get a taxi home alone, 24hrs post massive spinal surgery and then do the entire recovery alone. Helpful

If I had known what kind of child you would be I would have had an abortion.

Attending your wedding is very inconvenient and such a waste or my annual leave. What's the point in getting married anyway? He will just leave you for someone better.

Are you just like your father just to annoy me?

Are you sure you should be having children when you are such an unstable person?

It's so cruel that she doesn't speak to me anymore, so selfish like she always is and I have no idea why she is doing this to me. (To another family member, and after it was explained to her prior to going NC).

Oh yes, I also had the "why did you get a B?" for an exam result after having tried to get through school and abuse simultaneously (all other results A*s).

And the whole "it was so hard for me when you left home" (after she kicked me out).

Some people are emotional vampires and better to keep away from, sadly.

My partner's narcissistic mother when we announced our pregnancy. "Oh.... OK then". A few days later when she was called out on it: "I just think you would have prioritised getting a better house or a bigger car instead".

@cosyteapot call her bluff. Go NC. Don’t spend your life being psychologically abused or walking on eggshells

☝️

from someone who isn’t

I’ve been NC with mine since I was 18; barring the one incident when I bumped into her. 20 years of BLISS.

A lot of people stay in contact out of concern for someone else (usually a DF or younger sibling). A lot of these batshit mothers are pretty good at controlling family networks.

Going ‘nc’ with them can often mean losing or damaging relationships with the rest of the network, unfortunately. Such very complicated dynamics.

Indeed. I lost my siblings, my Grandmother on that side (no loss, she’s as bad as her daughter!), and most of my cousins.

They played flying monkey for about 6 years, then I had to cut them all off too.

Ah yes the flying monkeys. Good riddance to them, too.

If she went through with her threat and NCd it sounds like she'd be doing you a favour. It may be hellish hard for you to begin with to let her go NC, but you may find it changes your life for the better.

“But I don’t like champagne!” This is what my mil said at a weekend away to celebrate my husbands 30th. I’d brought the champagne to mark the occasion and because she claimed not to like it she expected no one else to have any. She also didn’t like it because I’d brought along a birthday cake - I think she felt it took the limelight away from the cake she’d made - she’d made a point of putting everything out on the table except for the cake I’d brought. My cake was the only item left on the side. It was such a bitchy thing to do. I made sure I put the cake I’d brought on the table as well. There were loads of people there so it wasn’t like there was too much food. It was like the party was more about her than the celebration of my husbands birthday.

I agree with @daisychain01. It's so hard at first, but life is infinitely better without toxic people in your life, in the long run.

Bloody hell. I'm really sorry, that is horrendous.

When I was raped aged 20, and 450 miles away from home (at uni) I phoned my mother to tell her. She replied "at least he didn't strangle you afterwards" and then hung up on me.

'I don't see why you can't put the pain of your miscarriages aside and support me with my
difficult pregnancy'

Said to me by my oldest friend, pregnant with her second child, another boy ( massive gender disappointment) just after my second miscarriage.

Also you don't know it's wrong, it's all you ever knew and you think other mothers are like that.

I was in a conversation at uni, I mentioned my mother forgetting to buy me birthday presents. One of the other mature (not sure if that's relevant) started to cry. To me it was just one of those things mothers do, but she couldn't imagine ding that with her children.

Back to narc mother.

About the time I was taken to hospital in an ambulance, how terrible it was for her and how worried she was.

This was the woman who point blank refused to call the Dr when I was curled up in so much pain I couldn't get to the phone this lasted about 5-6 hours with her telling me to take a paracetamol and go to bed.

My dad came home from work and called the Dr, then the Dr called the ambulance.

I think the A and E staff had come across a mother like that before because they asked her to go out of the room to ask me questions,

It turned out to be my gall bladder but could have been an ectopic pregnancy.

Did anyone else get the totally inappropriate comments to other people? I was at home, my cousin was visiting and there was some man, I don't know if he was to repair the TV or fit a new light fitting or what but my mum pointed to us and announced to him, "look at these two, 17 and still virgins".

When she died I felt nothing. I said to a friend, 'ding dong the witch is dead' to announce her passing.

Her first visit after I lost my baby. No hug, or affection, just straight out with "That's strange. After all, I've never had a miscarriage."

The word thing is, I just took this as normal, I wasn't disappointed at all.

Years later, I was sobbing my heart out as my two dogs had died in very tragic circumstances. I moved towards her for a hug but she sort of held me at arms's distance and patted me awkwardly on the shoulder, saying nothing.

My husband said it was the weirdest and saddest thing he's ever seen, it was as if I was a total stranger to her.

My parents refused to pick me up when I was in a psychiatric hospital, 100 miles from home and needed to come home for a while on weekend release. You aren’t allowed to drive if you’re an inpatient. They phoned up my CPN and said to her ‘this should be your job’

Apparently I was the cause of her marriage breaking down at fifteen. One of the reasons? I threw an alarm clock on the floor. I was alone in my room and it fell on the floor…
I broke my sisters arm on purpose. No she fell
up the steps as she told my mother.
I ruined her life and she should have aborted me.

When my Dad died “I don’t know why you’re pretending to be so upset. He was only your father. I’ve lost my husband.”

After losing my dad, my ex turning out to already be married and his wife harassing me so much I lost out on a job because of her ( I had no clue what was going on) , feeling suicidal, and my kids dad deciding the best thing was to take my kids for 3 months for their safety (from the ex's wife who was turning up at my door and stalking me)

I told my mum I needed some time to just be alone I was in a very dark place. Her response :. Ok I will NEVER contact you again, she then withheld Xmas and birthday present also.

Another time when I was very unwell with anemia : "you're going to end up in a nuthouse"

Not sure if it counts as narcissistic but when I was a teen, I was struggling with my weight and a had little bit of a tummy and my mother kept telling me I'd never have any friends or a boyfriend if I was fat.

I have always struggled to make friends, looking back it's probably not because I was a little bigger than my peers but I'm socially awkward. But her comment mede me feel like I wasn't worthy to friendship or relationships if I wasn't totally slim, she would always fat shame other people too. Ironically she was big too and fed us so much junk. Her comment has shaped me forever and the way I look at myself. I have a loving partner of 10 years who loves me, regardless of my body after 2 babies and years of failed diets but her comments stick with me.

she also told me I was too pale and needed a tan. I'm naturally very fair, the rest of my family aren't. I've learnt to embrace the pale as I get older.

she also tried to control who I was friends with. As above I've always struggled to make friends but I did have some friends. But she would tell me to stop being friends with someone because they didn't fit in her standard of normal or she didn't like the parents etc. She told me not to be friends with one girl as she was in foster care. Trying to encourage me to be friends with the kids with the more 'well to do' parents, kids I often barely knew. This is probably another factor why I struggle socially. I was never allowed to be friends with people I actually did get on with if she didn't like their background etc.