To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

What????

Stuff my Mum has said to me -
'I wish I had kids like (her friend), they're wonderful to her.'
'Look at your spare tyre ! I always wore a longline bra, that's why I don't have one' <reader, she had a 'spare tyre', believe me>
Told her I was going to meet my new BF's ex to chat about care for stepchildren - 'What if you meet her and she's really beautiful ?'
But best of all, she was utterly scathing about anyone who had affairs or left their SO for someone else, all whilst carrying on an affair for decades behind my Dad's back with a man she met when I was a toddler. Being the much younger sibling in the family I got roped into unwittingly lying to my Dad to give her a cover story and stuff like that.
Not much of a Mum, I have to say.
Still, she's dead now. Every cloud and all that 🤗

I’m so fat I look like an elephant and no man will ever want or love me.

This. Word for word. Which then progressed to ‘I don’t even know if I love you anymore…’ when I was 14. I’m now 42 and it’s taken me therapy and many decades to realise this (along with other hurtful comments/weeks of silent treatment etc.) was abuse.

Not my Mother but my Grandmother, she told my Aunty to put a bag over head when she was a teenager because of her acne, no one would like looking it.
She also told my Mum that it was a pity she ever drew breath. That was the last conversation they had. She's still alive as far as I know but has decided to move and not tell anyone where she is.

Not being able to mention my diagnosis at 22 of a serious progressive life limiting condition because it would upset my mother.
Of course it was all about her.

😞 these are really heartbreaking. Reading them though has really made me appreciate my mom. I just couldn't ever picture her saying any of these things. I truly feel sad for everyone who has been hurt by their parents.

My DH mom is a real narcist and a nasty person, they've not spoken in over a year. He tried and tried and tried and was just verbally abused by her everytime she'd had a drink. She even went as low as saying she hopes DH and DS die in a crash!! I never knew parents could be so vile until I met her but she's obviously not a one off unfortunately.

Does this count? I was a loved up bride when my husband was deployed in the first Gulf war. He was working with the SAS and doing some risky stuff. He was gone for 5 months in all, phone calls were rare and the only other contact was airmail letters.

I rang my mum one day, a bit tearful and missing him dreadfully.

I remember her words exactly.

”Everything’s going to be alright, he’ll be fine, this is your mother talking”

It was her way of getting me to shut up so she could talk about herself.

My husbands mother burst into tears quite unexpectedly over dinner at our house and said "you have no idea how difficult my life has been because of you and your sister, but I have it all written down in a file and one day I will show you all!"
So that's something to look forward to...

That was when I realised just how well matched me and DH are as both our mothers are batshit.

Oh I had that too.

Please call me when you get your hands on that file because I'm obsessed with it now.

My mum when DD1 was about 4 months old, being told that we wouldn't visit her that day (so she could show off to her friends) because my MIL was visiting from 4000 miles away. (We live in Aus). "But I am more her grandmother than SHE is!!!"..... Basic genetics explained over the phone.

Being vilified for not taking a day off my new job on Mother's Day because Mother's Day is more important now (early 20s). This is because when you're younger you're selfish and don't care and so at this age we can fully appreciate her.

They were equally batshit about my first Mother's Day as a Mum. All about her without a thought for me and who/where/how I wanted to spend it. Running around after everyone else as it happens. Don't bother with it these days.

My mum constantly tells my size 10 sister she's put on weight. She's OBSESSED with everyone's weigh even though she herself is fat. Always commenting on others appearance.

"Don't you hate how many ugly people they let on TV nowadays?" is a recent one that springs to mind.

"You've put so much weight, you need to lose a good few stones".

I had given birth 3 months earlier, and was a size 16 (still am 5 years later, to be fair).

She on the other hand was a size 24, and has yo-yoed between a size 18 and 28 on crazy diets, plus a stomach staple, for as long as I can remember, and I'm now early 40's.

Always refers to my old house location as the rough area next to it. "When you used to live in d town, it was so awful..."

Any chance to mention my EXDP, she'll take it "Your EXDP used to say/do/ask x, y, z"

"Good job you that miscarriage, or you'd have had even more on your plate now you are a single mum."

I now either agree with the comment, or ignore it entirely by moving on to a new subject without referring to what has just been said. It completely takes the wind out of her sails.

Having Sunday lunch at PIL’s house, DH was joking with his brother about Donald Trump, just a few minutes of banter and me and (SIL) his sister were joining in. FIL chuckled. MIL bursts into tears that “the boys” are making a joke at her expense and “saying she’s just like Trump” Everyone was open-mouthed in astonishment. She’s always been a narcissistic twat, but I have no idea how or why she tried to bridge that gap. Anything to put herself front and centre of all conversation I suppose 😂

There have been so many of these types of incidents over the years. Perhaps the worst one was when we went on holiday with them the day after my best friend told me she had breast cancer at age 28. Sat in a cafe with MIL and SIL and my eyes were getting a bit teary. I told them I was upset. MIL replied “why would I care about that? I doesn’t have anything to do with me” 😮

I’ve witnessed her nasty, vindictive nature many times and how her eyes flash when she perceives someone has crossed her!! She’s vicious.

She thinks of me “like her daughter” and is always full of public praise for me. I’m pleasant and engage with her, but hate her. Luckily so does DH!

My mum has been adamant since I was a child that I was autistic. School said I wasn't. She wanted me to have a doctors assessment, I refused.

She then decided to take an online autistic test pretending to be me. The test came back confirming autism. She then calls me and all my siblings to say it's confirmed that hunty is autistic as I've done the test on her behalf and answered the questions as hunty would.

Went to the doctors eventually and the doctor was of course shocked at what had been going on.

Also had the I love you but I don't like you comments on several occasions, starting when I was about 7/8.

Oh God, I’d forgotten this.
Pregnant with DD2 I developed pre eclampsia and was ordered into hospital. Phoned my mother to see if she could look after DD1 as DH had literally started a new job 2weeks earlier. “ Well, I wouldn’t have to anything, would I , just play with her? I wouldn’t have to cook meals or anything?” I now realise she was only early 50s, not 80!
On being to,d several years later DH and I had separated “ How do you think that makes me feel”
This followed on a long history of comments. ( completed education degree) Its not a proper degree like your brother got, it’s just a teaching certificate. And when I was very young: I was so excited when you were born and I was told I’d got a girl, I thought she’d be pretty with curly hair and ( wrinkled nose, disappointed voice) I got you. Similar age (4, maybe 5) you’re not pretty, you’re ugly and don’t you forget that. Horrible woman,,, and she became a registered foster parent.

When my Dad was diagnosed with cancer he called round to see his Mum, to gently break the bad news to her. He explained he'd been having tests for a while but it had finally been confirmed. Her reply...."Well its alright for you. They can do something about that. But I've had a headache all day".

Solidarity with the PP's with less than svelte mothers commenting on their own perceived weight issues, I've had that all my life too.
Another corker that I've just remembered, walking down the road one day she told me out of the blue how much she hated the school holidays 😂I realised later it's because she couldn't just drop everything to go and see her boyfriend. She'd sometimes engineer rows with my Dad (who was lovely, BTW) so she could flounce off for a day or two and be with her other man. Sheesh.

Yes, the absolute entitlement to say whatever she likes to you but if you ask her to stop, you've hurt her feelings. Snap.
My mother can call me paranoid, sensitive, angry, tell me I look like death warmed up, tell me I'm entitled, detached from reality..... but if I tell her to stop being hurtful I am THE DEVIL and all the relatives need to be told.

“Why didn’t you get all A*s? I could have.”

To me, when I got my GCSE results, and got 1A and the rest A*s - I’d moved out to my Dads the year before, and my predicted grades had been Ds at best, and the only reason they kept me in the top sets is because they were aware of my home life with an alcoholic mother/that my Dad was making moves to remove me.

My mother, who doesn’t have a single whatever GCSEs were before they were GCSEs, because she is, sorry not sorry, thick, thought she could have got a string of A*s in 2004. She is thick in every other possible way too.

“I wish I’d had an abortion, I hate you.”

To me, when I was 14. I replied -

“Me too, you’re a terrible mother. You should have never had me, let alone the numerous children you popped out after me. You’ve always hated being a mother so I cannot grasp why you continued to have more children.”

I was badly beaten for that; but I refused to take back what I’d said because I was correct.

“That bloke you’re going to live with isn’t even your biological father, you know. He doesn’t know that, only I do, and now you know. So you can’t go.” (I was 15).

The look on her face when I sighed and said “I’d suspected for quite some time; I was almost sure when I saw my blood type in hospital; I was certain when I curiously asked my Grandmother if she knew everyone’s blood types. I’ve known since I was 12.”

“I’ll never tell you who your real Dad is”

”People in this small town gossip, Mum. If you won’t tell me, someone else will.”

Fortunately, my bags were packed and I was out of the door before she could fly at me. My blood type means that my Dad cannot possibly be my Dad. My Dad was well aware of the affair she was having, and who it was with. The fool stuck with her and raised me as his own anyway.

Don’t know WTF happened to my stars in that post..,

“Why did you have kids just to stick them in childcare? What’s the point in letting someone else raise them?”

When she bumped into me outside of daycare, I was in my late 20s, hadn’t spoken to her for years. Luckily I’d been dropping off, not picking up, and only lived back in my hometown for 10 months (moved back to care for my Grandmother).

“Ironic, considering all of us would have been better off if someone else had raised us.”

8am and pissed out of her face, with my much younger sibling dragging her along.

I have a smart mouth with her, I guess, but I had been an extreme abuser pleaser until I was about 14, when I realised I’d get a hiding no matter what I did or said, so I may as well say what I thought .

My sister is a narcissist. She called me while I was sitting on a rock comforting a dying heifer who was two weeks away from having her first calf. I was extremely sad as we'd lost about 4 cows to an illness our vet couldn't identify. My sister never says "hi" let alone, "how are you," she just launches into whatever is bothering her and there's always something.

I told her the situation I was in, which she completely ignored and said, "If I don't have a brow lift soon it'll turn into an emergency situation".