To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

Me: Maybe you could visit us more often, to see DC?
Her: Your life is a bit depressing though, isn't it?

Maybe the actual quote isn't narcissistic but it still could have come from a narcissistic person and that specific quote hurt the reciever

My mum is a covert narcissist. This was brought up by my counsellor, I just thought she was a bit of a rubbish mum who checked out of parenting when I was in infant school. She had a horrendous childhood herself so I don’t think she could really help it.

Anyway, she is incredibly judgemental/gossipy. The day before my wedding she told me my husband wasn’t much of an alpha male in a way that indicated she was disappointed in my choice. She’s known him since we were in primary school, she paid him to tutor my sisters & he’s a fabulous husband (unlike my Dad who has cheated on her multiple times!

My MIL
” I’ve never met anyone so disinterested in me!, you can’t be interested in anything then”

Wedding day!
registrar - ooo you smell lovely (to me)
DM- oh thank you, it’s “whatever shit Avon perfume she was using at the time”

"I've cried every day since the wedding, I'm disappointed in you that you didn't involve me in the nice bits of planning. We wanted our friends there but were oo embarrassed to ask them because you didn't give us enough information about what was happening"

2 weeks after our Covid wedding. We'd already had to cancel once and didn't know until 4 days before whether we could have the re-arranged wedding or what form it would take

We'd cut lots of friends from our list as we had no clue how many we'd be allowed. I'd given her evening invitations for her friends.

ALL of the minimal planning was done online. She can't text never mind use the Internet

Both of my brothers left after the meal yet she chose my door to knock on to tell me how disappointed she was with me

We've not spoken in the year since - her choice. This is totally outing to anyone who knows me but I received huge amounts of support here at the time

I'm still absolutely devastated by it all

@KitBumbleB

Jinx! I imagine we could have one hell of a girls' night out. . .

Oh, I've got another one. Mum on finding out that her next door neighbour and friend had told me how hard she'd tried to abort me and hadn't wanted me, and getting well pissed off that she told me before Mum got to. (I was seven). That one was well funny! She had set it up for a big revelation with violins (theoretically) playing in the background, reaching to a poignant climax, and I just said, 'uh, yeah, I know, Aunty B told me a few years ago'.

After a really traumatic experience she said to me. "Nevermind and don't forget it's my birthday on Sunday"

I was going through a clinical depression 6 years ago, was put on therapy and taking antidepressants. I was feeling suicidal. Lowest point of my life. ever. Mum:

“you’re making all this shyte up just because you love the attention. Depression is a myth, it’s all in your head! Look at ME, I’ve never had depression”

'Well it's all your own fault'. On repeat, even if I haven't actually said anything, every time I speak to her, and trust me I try not to.

My crime? Becoming a single mother when my ex hit me, emotionally and financially abused me. She knows what he did (unsurprisingly we are not close so I don't tell her anything of great importance, so I've not bothered to tell her in great detail).

Apparently a single mother is the lowest form of human being, I have 'deprived dd of a father' and she will 'never amount to anything with you as a mother'. For the record, I have never asked her for help, there would be no point, she does not offer to babysit, only wants to see dd so she can lament at how awful and devastated she is about her life turning out because of me... Etc.

It's water off a duck's back now, dd is bright, confident, athletic and thriving, I hold down a full time professional job and we muddle along quite nicely most of the time!!!

It’s sad that I’m laughing at all of these because it’s nice to not be alone with having a crazy mother and I’ve heard most of them myself

I don’t think my mum is a narcissist but she has always been a martyr and competitive when it comes to misery. This thread is making me remember all sorts:

I was told, repeatedly, in gruesome detail about my own birth nearly killing her.

Every time she got upset (most weekends, when drunk) she would list all the terrible things that had happened to her.

Didn’t tell her when I had a miscarriage as knew she’d say something awful.

When my dd was in scbu - ‘the worst week of my life’.

Both my sister and I feel the other was the favoured child…she even told my sister that it was natural to love the eldest (me) more. I didn’t feel more loved!!

Context: MIL dying in hospital

"I know youre really sad about MIL but can you not even be a little bit excited about our new home?"

No...no I can't...

My mum found out I had a baby shower and didn't invite her (for obvious reasons), she then went on to threaten suicide on me, told me to tell my newborn baby it's my fault she's dead, and that she bought him a bouncing chair ?

My mother told me she purposefully used to torment me cos what's the fun in being a mother if you can't torment your kids.

And by torment I mean full on emotional abuse, blackmailing to do non age appropriate chores, being an emotional punch bag for her drunk ramblings, being a pseudo parent to my brother 10 years younger than me, and when I was older, sleeping with my friend and band members and then calling me about it.

As an adult she tells me I was a bit of a difficult teenager, or I did like to get a bit melodramatic though.

(NC'd for this)

I'm so sorry. For you and for Kit. I have had almost exactly the same, almost word-for-word.

Along with how "funny" they thought the way he behaved towards me was.
When asked why they'd never said or done anything despite finding it "funny" and that "we always thought there was something going on, something wasn't quite right..." the answer was "well, he was a member of the church".

And "you can never speak to anyone about this. What will people think of me?" plus "I cannot allow that this happened. This has not happened. It would destroy me if people found out."

Oh, well that's alright then.

My mother

’myself and your father haven’t so much as created a family but a dynasty’

😂🙄🧐🤬😆😜🤦‍♀️

Why are you all still in contact with your abusers?

'I do love you, but I don't like you'

Said frequently over the years to me but only really recently realised this isn't actually OK.

When we were out shopping together, my mother declared rather loudly in the supermarket … ‘remember when I was the fat one’. I was a size 14 🤨

Another time, we’d fetched dm to spend the day with us and have lunch. Later in the afternoon other half was having chest pains. After speaking to 101, they sent the paramedics out, who advised he be admitted to hospital. DM declared ‘who’s taking me home now, I’m not spending on a taxi’.

More light hearted. Sort of
'You must be a lesbian because I dressed you in boys clothes as a child'
(My brother and I had a lot of matching clothes)

Food was a weird battle ground in my house, and one day when I was around 10 I went to get an apple from the fridge (no snacking allowed, no snacks available, only fruit allowed, no family meals, cook your own meals or don't eat) and my mother came flying in from the next room, and slammed the fridge door on my hand screaming 'that's why you are so fucking fat! You reflect badly on me!'. I was a fairly average size.

The last time I saw her in her kitchen several years ago, every single jar and can and pot was labelled with how many calories per teaspoon in her handwriting.

I'm not now. We're conditioned from birth to just take it. It takes a while and therapy to see it. Plus no one generally believes you as the Narc Mum (in my case Emotionally immature parents) are usually nice to everyone else.

"You know, it has been far worse for me than for [relative who is ill/relative who is out of work/relative who has some other pretty unpleasant issue going on..."

"XYZ made his brother cut his hair out of spite because he knows I liked his brother's longer hair." She sees XYZ maybe a couple of times a year and the brother she has seen maybe twice in five years.

PB from my mother
‘anyone that would shag you would shag an animal’

i was 15. She then proceeded to bark and howl like a dog