To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

On a car journey with her and my then boyfriend. Couple of hours in he asked if we could stop at the next services as he was hungry.

When he got out of the car, she turned and hissed in my face ‘He is playing you like a fool. I would NEVER have allowed your father to treat me like that.’

no, my boyfriend wasn’t cheating, or nasty, or anything like that, it was just that if it was up to her she wouldn’t allow him to eat if it didn’t suit her schedule. My poor dad……..and me!

"I used to be skinny and have a great figure until you forced your way into this world. Much better than yours (I was about 6 or 7 at the time). I was so close to leaving your arsehole of a father, I had a plan to save me and your brother but then you had to come along and ruin all those plans didn't you. Hopefully you won't always look like your Dad"

...yes Mum because I chose to be born, and specifically chose you as my mother 🙄 unfortunately I look exactly like her.

She was also one to over share the traumatic birth / how awful I made her life from as far back as I can remember.

I went NC but then stupidly got back in touch when I fell pregnant years later, her only response was that her new partners DIL was also having a baby, that they were planning to name it after her and that I was using my baby like the sword of damocles. When I didn't respond she told me I'd be an awful mother because I couldn't possibly handle it all without her 🤔

When I told my mum that as well as her and my stepdad there would also be other people (who she knew and liked) with us for Christmas dinner she said "But I've told all my friends that you are cooking me Christmas lunch, what do I tell them now?!"..... ummm but I am still cooking you Christmas lunch, it was never actually going to be just me and you!?

'I think you're being really selfish. One day you'll move out and I'll be on my own. I need to get a relationship sorted now before that happens'
I was 12 and just needed my mum to hug me.

My mother rang me once to dump toxicity on me about an awful day she had had. She had been to a funeral with some friends, and they apparently caused a horrendous drama about giving her a lift home because the driver "thought" he was having a stroke. So, she demanded (and got) her lift anyway (fuck knows how), and then bitched that he was being all pathetic because she didn't want to then drive him to a&e because she needed a glass of wine after all the aggravation he had caused. He ended up calling for an ambulance from her driveway. Completely attention-seeking according to her. She couldn't understand why his wife wasn't returning her calls, or why I was completely aghast at what she had told me. She was the victim.

In fairness to previous posters justifying why they are still in contact, it's HARD to unmesh yourself when you've been raised by a monster. I only realised how "unusual" it was to be called a parasite as a toddler / fat tick as a teenager / evil bitch as an adult, when my best friend had a baby. I actually thought she was weird for loving her daughter so much. Then I realised, I'm the weird one. I tried grey rock on my mother, it worked for a while, then she cottoned on and started ringing me just to scream abuse about how I had nothing to say. Covid gave me an excuse for low contact, and I finally blocked her number in January this year. Moved house and didn't tell her. The relief is immense.

This is actually horrific. I'm so sorry you've had to put up with a piece of shit mother. You deserve so much better 😥

Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

i did have but she sadly passed away last year. I'd love to have her back.

"Well, did you ever think about how hard it was for me?! How do you think it made *me" feel?!'"

My mother has said this exact same thing sooo many times.

Oh and one more...

Came down the stairs when I was about 11, she said 'here comes thunder thighs'.

I was very slim and active but that comment has stuck with me.

I was 16, very slim and attractive and got loads of attention from lads. I was walking down the road with her one day and a van full of lads went past, beeping the horn and whistling. My mum, who was in her forties, smirked, patted her hair and said "I'm old enough to be their mother"" . I laughed and said that they were probably whistling and beeping at me and she gave me the filthiest look.

My mother told me with a straight face that 'I dont think people want to inherit money from their parent any more'. I told her if she was telling me she did not want to leave me anything that was fine, but that what she said was not correct and for a lot of people inheritance was the only way they got on the housing ladder, or got a boost up it. She acted totally amazed.

The responses on this thread resonate with me for all the wrong reasons. They make me angry, sad, vengeful and empathetic and scared - scared because it's all too easy to turn into your mom if you don't watch it ...

My DM’s response to me reporting my brother to the police for sexually abusing me as a child was ‘You have ruined my life’. I also needed to just ‘get over it, as it’s not a big deal’

I also got ‘your brother has had such a difficult time because his children don’t speak to him’

Thats because he sexually abused his daughter you stupid woman!

Been NC with her for nearly 3 years now and life is so much better without her.

When I was pregnant with DS, in my 1st trimester, I came home on a Friday afternoon to a Dr's voicemail saying my bloods needed doing again.
My DM told me it was obviously because there was a problem with the baby, I would need to have abortion because it was unfair on DD to have a sibling with a disability.

Now they are teens....
I told DM that DD was doing really well, ready for her exams, she replied- deadpan completely seriously.... where does she get that from then,...... took a moment ' oh I know, her great great nan'

When I had gastro bug when breast feeding and away from home, I was really poorly. She forced dh to buy formula and bottles, we stayed overnight and by the next day DDs spots had cleared up (she was 3 weeks....I know now its completely normal) and obviously my breastmilk was so so so awful and poisonous for DD.

Oh she's not just like it to me. My Df suffers from depression...she keeps telling him he's lucky to have her, no one else would stay with him, no else would put up with him (he's lovely and really doesnt deserve that crap)

The day after I told my mother that I had breast cancer:
" have you any idea how traumatic it is having a daughter with cancer? You have no idea how upset I am."

I'm not sure if my mom really loved me but I'd give anything to have her back.

Mentally I'm a fucking mess.

I'm so sorry. This is the exact kind of thing my mum would say. No matter what, it's all about her.

(2 weeks after my first miscarriage): "here we go again, we've all got problems".

(When I was pregnant in first few weeks after 2 miscarriages) "this affects your father and I too you know".

While pointing to her head,, "Everything you have ever said or done to me is stored in here. I forgive but I NEVER forget".

(After giving me the silent treatment for over a month and looking me direct in eye, "Nobody ever apologises for anything anymore, and I am well overdue several apologies"

These comments are horrible and clearly meant to hurt the recipient but I do think narcissism is misunderstood.
Narcissism is a very serious psychological disorder, one step down from being a psychopath. It shouldn’t be used to describe someone who is malicious and unkind. It can be so much more insidious/subtle. In my experience, it’s a slow but unrelenting pursuit of trying to control, overpower and if you let it, strips you of all your self esteem and self worth. Flippant, hateful words on their own is not narcissism.
Sadly, the narcissist traits are laid down in child hood, a product of unloving and abusive parent/s. Narcissism shouldn’t be bounded around like this.

'I don't love you any more x, I don't know where the love has gone'

'You make my nerves bad'

'And after all I went through to have you ... you're a selfish bitch' usually in response fo a crazy request like demanding I leave the shower with shampoo still on my head to sort out why her bbciplayer wasn't working

'If I knew then what I know now I'd never have had you'

If asked are you proud of me 'well if you'd do your hair better' etc

'Have you lost weight?' 'How much have you lost?' Despite her knowing I wasn't and nor was I trying

Her brothers wife passed away, her and bro don't speak. Rang up my cousin to pass on her condolences and within 2 minutes is ripping shreds into her and badmouthing her brother and how she wants photos back from 20plus years ago, cousin puts phone down, she has no sense of shame

She very much makes it clear her disapproval. If we go for lunch and they give js a table she dislikes and won't move us - she will comment at least 10 times in an hour that she doesn't like it, won't sit here again, it's too noisy etc.

Last weekend we went for lunch. Ate outside for the dog as hot. She put bowl of good down for dog. Then picked bowl of food up and tried shouting at the dog to 'sit' with the food in front of her to take a bloody puxture! When me and dad pointed out this was unfair, then turns on us and calls us twats and all sorts and that we never support her apparently.

Wrote a domestic violence call sheet for work. Was praised. Showed mam who said 'you've not done this'

With friends 'you let them walk all over you' 'oh it's because so anx so wants to thafs why you're going there' 'she doesn't bother anyway' in response to no awful behaviour, simply me going for a walk or coffee etc

She will get arsy before I go out with friend, csse in point christsmss. Went to csrdiff with a friend and she was vile the dzy before.

thankfully I don't live at home, I live 125 miles away!

My mum could have literally said this

“I didn’t want you, I never wanted anymore children but your dad wanted you.”
“god look at all your spots, disgusting “ I was a teenager
after giving her some of my clothes “don’t give me any more, they are FAR too big for me”
after spending money on lovely skincare “what you buying all that shit for. I don’t need any of that for my skin”

Oh she came home fuming one day, saying who the fuck does she think she is, fucking bitch etc. later found out mum was collecting money for a bus load of women to go to Blackpool for weekend. Money to pay coach, hotel and savings for people. She was angry because one lady ask for her savings back early. She was angry because she was caught out, she had spent ALL of the money! My dad had to go to the bank on the morning of the trip to pay for it all.